I have been struggling big time to stop drinking and keep having to reset. It’s now got to a point where I’m finding it embarrassing resetting and want to put it off as long as possible even though I know that’s not the answer. I have been on Citralpram (antidepressants) for anxiety and panic attacks for over a year now but the more I learn about alcoholism the more I realise that it’s the alcohol creating these problems and that if I stop drinking the anxiety will go away. I have recently gone 10 days alcohol free and felt so much better but also during those days I felt numb, spaced out and expressionless which is down to the medication. I looked up all the side effects from Citralpram which shocked me because I have had every single one, i’ll try and paste a copy if I can figure it out. I decided from yesterday to stop taking the tablets and fight the alcohol with the strong un-monged mind I used to have, I need the highs and maybe some lows (hopefully not too many lows) to get me motivated and angry with myself to get well again. I wish everyone luck on this site I know how hard the fight can be
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I have an anxiety disorder as well. I definitely feel it’s the drinking that causes it. I would recommend seeing your doc before you stop taking your meds all together though. They will lower your mg’s & wean you… a horrid crash of depression is no fun… trust me. I too struggle with alcohol & am on day 3. Stay positive.
Ok thanks I did think to come off slowly, I just want to feel strong again. Good luck to you too
At the end of drinking, I was a crier sometimes by the end of the night. That’s never happened to me before. I was always a happy drunk, even the booze couldn’t mask the pain anymore. 80 days now, I feel some pretty big highs and lows but man, I’m blessed enough to be alive and feeling them! Talk to your doctor, maybe look into a program? Get help with this if you’re struggling. You can do this, you are worth it and there’s real life on the other side. A beautiful, messy, no longer numb, work in progress, full and real type of life. The one where you get to where you’re meant to be. Nothing changes if nothung changes
Thank-you MandiH I feel like I’ve been in a numb bubble for too long, not spending time with my sons and close family like I used too, not catching up with good friends for a chat. I want those times back so badly it’s definitely time to change
Stopping, or even slowing down your meds while trying to get sober is a TERRIBLE idea. Fight one thing at a time. The side effects of the meds are exactly the same as the effects of drinking or stopping drinking. I was numb for 2 months and took another 2 months for the crazy emotions to hit. And they hit hard.
Im not trying to be an asshole but you will never know what is what if you try to change everything at the same time. And your chances of success drop dramatically. Please do this the smart way. I have taken meds too and only after 11 months are we changing them and tapering me off the one I don’t really need. My anxiety got so much better just like most people’s, but a different type of anxiety started happening that really frightens me still.
Most people will tell you that rule number 1 in sobriety and recovery is no big changes in the first year. That doesn’t mean your doctor won’t change your medication after a few months, but getting through those few months is extremely vital.
No matter what, best of luck!
You’ll get there. It takes time, work on you first and do whatever it takes to get sober. All those things will follow once you’re comfortable with you and your new life! 
What have been doing to make a change? Have you gone back to meetings? Signed up for outpatient? Considered inpatient? Get a drug and alcohol counselor?
As a person who has a mental health diagnosis I couldn’t agree more. I used to fight my medicine regiment so hard. Usually with disastrous results. I’m not a doctor of that kind. Usually if I’m taking my will back like that bad shits gonna happen.
Hey Willow - I totally understand what you are saying. Depression coupled with alcoholism is rough - I deal with both as well. But you know what? With 39 days sober, I feel like my antidepressant finally has a fighting chance to work. I was a therapist before I became a stay at home Mama, and still no one could have convinced me that I was sabotaging my medication with booze. I will loudly echo what others have said - now is definitely not the time to go cold turkey. I would recommend staying on your meds while you get sober. Your body is going to go through huge neurological changes, and withdrawal from Celexa will not help. Get sober, get some time behind you, then talk to your doc if you still want to try coming off. I’d also recommend that you get yourself to AA and find a women’s meeting if you can. I’ve never felt as much support as I found there. After years of feeling like I couldn’t go more than two days without drinking, I finally feel like I have a fighting chance with the support I’m getting in my meetings.
Keep checking in a reaching out here for help. We’re all behind you and believe that you can do this.
Thank-you every one for your advice. I know you should never just stop taking the tablets, I have felt so numb for a long time now like something is switched off inside if me that I just wanted to switch back on if possible. I have just taken a tablet so I’ve only missed one day. I will make an appointment to see my doctor as soon as I can
Things seem ok in my head when I make these decisions to try and make things right but I realise they aren’t when listening to all of your advice. I was away last weekend and me and my partner are going on holiday this weekend so I will make it my priority to go to more meetings when I get back.
Do you have a plan to deal with going on holiday? Will your partner support you in staying sober?
It’s 4 days until the weekend, why not go this week? I seem to remember you saying something similar a few weeks back about starting next week. It would seem next week has come and gone. What’s different this time? Recovery isn’t going to show up at your doorstep, you have to go out and get it.
As many have stated dont stop your meds without consulting your doctor first. Im in the process of changing my anti depressants now, and while weaning down i got super depressed! So i had to call my doctor and he had me start taking the previous dosage… and also as stated, you dont know how the medication works while drinking. You need to get some sober time and then see how the meds affect you…
With that being said, what are you willing to do differently to stay sober?
You’re right Englishd I do keep saying next week 
. You’re right about excuses even though I never meant them to be.
My partner and I have always enjoyed weekends away visiting old friends, we have a great life together and have lots of completey different types of social friends of which we always have had such a great time with this year I thought was no acception. These times away haven’t been excessive drinking weekends just happy fun ones where everyone gets on, I am the only one who has probably spoiled them but drinking more than everyone else and embarrassing myself. I’m so glad you’re doing ok Englishd, you’re an inspiration to people like me and I hope I can be in a good place like you one day soon. I am still struggling with fitting in with old friends/not drinking/trying to have fun… I don’t know where I am anymore. We’ve had 4 good weekends (arranged and paid for a long time ago) in a row out with friends. eating, socialising, having fun and some moderate drinking then each Monday I’m back to square one wishing I was sober because even when I’m home I find it hard to stop even when the fun weekend is over. I am a failure and probably shouldn’t be on here until I can change things and they way I think completely. Life is shit I am shit
I’ve gone back on my meds and made an appointment for June 14th for the doctors, which is the earliest I can get in
You need to stop going on these weekend outings.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. You can’t talk your way in to a new way of thinking. You have to act your way into it.
I know what you’re saying but this has been my whole life… my partner… my friends…my children…my world…before I ruined it, How can I stop doing everything I’ve ever loved?? I know I must stay away from drinking, that goes without saying but everything and everybody I love in this world is intertwined and connected somehow :-(
if I do what you’re saying I need to shut myself in a box for what seems like 2 years in which time they will all have moved on and forgotten me. I know what i have to do but it’s not easy and I really don’t know where to start. It’s still too easy to want to block it out and carry on. I’m sorry but I’m having a hate myself day
Honestly you don’t have a choice. So when the pain if drinking becomes worse than the pain of not drinking you will stop. But you don’t get to have it both ways. You either make changes and stop drinking or you keep doing what you’re doing and continue to drink.
You know exactly where to start. You’ve been asking the same questions for almost 2 months and getting the same answers. It’s up to you to actually listen. No one here is going to get you sober.
And stop saying “I know, I know” and start acting like you know. That’s a good first step.
Only you can decide when you have had enough. You are not a failure. It just sounds like you are not ready to quit. I get it - I was that way for years. I had to hit the point when I was willing to admit that alcohol was controlling my life and that I had to have help. Is it easy? Hell no! I have a great community of close friends - all of whom drink moderately with one exception. Good for them. That’s not me - and it doesn’t sound like it’s you. If I drink again, I will end up ruining my marriage, killing someone in an accident, shaming my children… the list goes on. There are no good times left in a bottle for me.
I believe you can do this. I think you know what you need to do. When you are ready to work your program and admit that you are an alcoholic, you will find a lot of support here and in meetings.