Welcome Connor 
As the old expression goes, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. You take it one step, one day at a time.
You’ve got a good list of things you don’t like about your drinking. Screenshot that list and save it for the times when you need a reminder.
There’s a good list here of why not drinking is awesome - it’s helpful to remember this too (scroll down a bit to find the list):
In the early days it’s helpful to have a place to talk with people. Getting clean and healthy (clean and healthy = not putting poison in your body ) is a change of habits, and it takes the brain some time to get used to new habits. You take it one day at a time and you stay focused on one thing, the top priority, above everything else:
Today, I will not drink. I will do anything I need to do - anything that’s safe and legal - to not drink, and to not put myself in situations where I’m at risk. This means:
- I have permission to cancel or change plans. Any plans. (Invited to a wedding? If you think it could be trouble for you, you don’t have to go. I promise you it’s ok. There may be people who don’t understand why you’re cancelling, but I promise you, it will be ok. You will be safe and that’s what matters.)
- I have permission to order pizza. I have permission to eat what I like. (Don’t worry about food for the moment. Keep it in perspective: pizza and Netflix is better than drinking any day. Once you have your sober strength built, you can adjust diet if you want.)
- I have permission to feel bad (or good, or anything). Our addictions are about silencing our feelings, burying them, numbing them. When we get clean and healthy - sober - it is a waterfall of emotions in the beginning. Let the feels come. Share them with people who can support you, here on Talking Sober, or in meetings like www.AA.org or Online meeting resources. Eventually it will settle but be prepared for them.
Keep checking in here. It’s nice to have a safe space
Checking in daily to maintain focus #41
Scroll around other threads too, there’s lots to read and lots of opportunities to share, if you want!
Take care Connor and don’t give up. One day at a time