I’m really struggling. My landlords doubled my rent to $1800 for a 400 square foot apartment and my 2 jobs are not gonna cover that. I’m seeking immediate shelter elsewhere but my area is so expensive - however this is where my family is and I need to be close to them cuz they’re the only help I have with my son. His dad is far away and does not help financially. I am looking for more work but with 2 jobs I already feel like my nerves are as raw as they can get without me passing out from stress, so Im worried what a third or fourth job will do to my health. But I need to survive, right? My dreams as an artist feel so far away, they feel selfish and useless because they don’t bring in any money and they take my time away, time which should be being used to make money. So I feel like I need to give up on those aspirations, regardless of how much of a gift I and everyone else feels that I have with music.
I don’t know how I’m gonna do this - but I know I’m not alone and mine is not a unique story. I’m wondering if any one else here has been in my shoes and can give me some encouragement or even maybe some guidance. I am so sad. Still sober, but very sad, very depleted and overwhelmed. Thanks you guys
I just want to express my support though I cannot help out as I’m in the UK. I’m so sorry. Try to stay sane as much as you can and keep moving forward where you can.
Can you get some benefits help? I don’t know your system, sorry.
Can you approach the landlord and talk about it, or ask for the earliest contract break with no financial repercussions?
I’m so sorry you are in this situation. It sucks that you receive no child support. It sucks that landlords get away with doubling rent. I can’t comprehend how people are supposed to survive and raise children working two jobs, let alone three! I hope you can find more affordable housing. Are there any social services you can access? Two thoughts for at least a little encouragement…
…your son has such a devoted mother and you both have family support.
…your music will always be with you. You may need to postpone some aspirations, but never say never. It is the nature of everything to change. I am sending you hugs.
@Tragicfarinelli@Pattycake thank you both so much for your replies, it really means a lot to me to feel less alone unfortunately the social services are limited because i have income - for instance, if i make any more than $500 per month, they don’t give cash assistance. who can live on an income of less than $500 a month?? also the affordable housing waiting lists in my area are closed, and most rents even for a 600 square foot 1-bedroom apartment in the slums are $1200 or more, and that doesn’t include utilities. plus i have to pay for child care (my parents can only help so much, you know?) and child care is expensive - half my wages. so i’m just very overwhelmed, scared and vulnerable right now. it all just seems impossible. my landlords seem like they might be flexible as far as possibly bringing this rent down but they said i need to leave within 2 months so right now i’m scrambling.
Is there literally no way your son’s dad will help out at all? That seems so unfair and unjust, but I know you probably have been used to getting shit done yourself or it not getting done at all. Kate Bush made a great song about that… sucks.
Can you look to see what pays best job wise even if it’s not what you want to do for a short while? Rather than getting a lot of jobs that will crush you? Any transferable skills you might have? Private music tuition to students locally or kids?
Sorry if my suggestions aren’t helpful. Super sad. Sorry girl, I’ll listen if you need an ear.
thank you so much sis. no, my sons dad won’t get an “actual job” so i can’t even file for child support cuz there isn’t any on-the-table income to take from. at this point i’ve just accepted that expecting anything from him is hopeless. i can’t imagine refusing to provide for your own son, but i am now a witness to that reality and it’s awful. but all i can do is focus on what’s in my realm of control. i’m currently creating a resume for freelance music work and yes i am going to advertise locally for music lessons and i’ll see whatever else i can do that won’t devastate my soul or drain me completely cuz i still need the energy to be the best mommy i can be. i just want to raise a respectful and secure young man who could never dream of behaving like his bio-dad. with everything on my plate there is absolutely no way i could do it while drinking, so i’m really grateful that at the very least i am sober!! and i really appreciate your support it helps a lot thank you
@JuliaLuna what State do you live in? Have you reached out to a local church? I’m fortunate to only need to rent a bedroom. I live in the Denver metro area and my bedroom is $700 a month. The struggle is real, keep your head up
Have you reviewed the state laws in your area that exist to protect tenants? You may have a month or even a year at your current rent before you have to leave:
In New York State for example, landlords cannot raise rent more than 5% without giving you advance written notice (the notice must be at least 30, 60, or 90 days prior to the increase; this length of time varies depending on the property) - see page 8 of this document:
That doesn’t change the rent increase but if the landlord didn’t give you enough advance written notice, it buys you at least another 30 days.
It is also true that there are limits on the landlord’s ability to evict you for non-payment of rent. The landlord has to meet several requirements, and it takes time, before they can evict you for non-payment of rent:
they must have sent you written notice by certified mail (only by certified mail, no other method of written communication) every time you are more than five days late with the rent; if they fail to send that notice to you, you can use that as a defence against eviction
they have to have given you a 14-day written “rent demand” before they can apply to bring you to court
there is no “tenant blacklist” - no future landlord can deny you tenancy based on previous non-payment (and a bunch of other good stuff too, see the document)
the eviction cannot happen until a formal eviction warrant is issued by a judge
and even when a formal eviction warrant is issued by a judge, you can request a compassionate extension of up to one year of you cannot find an adequate apartment in the same neighbourhood (see page 6)
See pages 4-6 in the document I linked above.
So, between the requirement for advance written notice of rent increase, plus the official requirements and time before they are even permitted to apply to bring you to court, plus the possibility of a compassionate extension, you are able to stay where you are at least a month or two more, and may be able to stay where you are for as long as a year, at or near your current rent.
Now is the time for mama bear to fight. There is a reason you never get between a mama bear and her cubs. She will use every ounce of her strength to keep her cubs safe, no matter what. You have that same strength in you. Every woman does: you have the strength of the millions of women and mothers who came before you, coursing through your veins. Now is the time to use it. You can do it. Have faith and don’t give up, and keep in contact with people who support you.
Excellent idea. In my area (I live in a midsize city in Ontario), a good private music teacher can charge $50-100 (CAD) per hour, depending on their skill. If you can get ten students, you can probably bring in something around $400-500 per week just in music lessons, then keep one job (keep one of your two existing jobs) you can use to top up your income. (Stand your ground on your hourly prices. (I use the silence tactic: “can you bring your price down?” “No, for the quality I’m offering, that’s what it’s worth.” Then give them time to make their decision. If they still don’t say yes, they’re never gonna say yes. You are offering a valuable product - expert instruction in music - and if people aren’t willing to pay what you’re asking, then they’re not your clients. Move on and find someone else.)
Sales tip - this is what I do with my private tutoring clients (I supplement my income by tutoring math and English) - offer parents a discount for more than one lesson per week. For example, you could charge $50/hr for one 1-hour session per week, $45/hr for two 1-hour sessions, or $40/hr for two 1.5-hr sessions per week (or three 1-hr sessions). I have several clients who love that setup and some have gotten 3 hours per week with me, which is great because it brings it more money and I already am familiar with the student’s needs (no need to change lesson for a different student).
When I started my tutoring business, I knocked on doors in the suburbs where I wanted to be working. (I chose suburbs that had an income level where they would be hiring private tutors.) I found most of my key clients that way to start with, then I built referrals from there.
Also Julia didn’t you just recently move into your current place?
In the state of NY, leases can be written or oral (written is better but oral still counts) and if the term you signed for is still ongoing, the landlord can’t change the lease (which I assume includes the rent amount) until the lease is up. See the “Leases” section in this page (and review the whole page - if your landlord has failed to do any of these things, it helps you stand your ground):
@Matt WOW. you are an absolute champion for your responses here. i cannot thank you enough for how thorough your support and information is. i’m so grateful as for the landlords, i’m not sure how protected by law i am because it is a handshake-agreement, no contract was ever written or signed. as for the info on private tutoring - your message is very encouraging. i am currently creating a freelancer portfolio on Upwork and when this is complete I will create a plan for advertising for music students. The only issue here will be to find here-and-there child care but, it is possible. THANK YOU for reminding me that mama-bear ferocity is in my blood because YES IT IS. i can do this. you are so encouraging and make me feel like i can take practical steps to make this happen. taking action is helping dissolve my fear and anxiety. so is feeling supported by you guys here. i’m so glad i posted my struggles today. THANK YOU MATT you’re a real one
Still, go over every piece of info you have, including any emails or texts or receipts or anything, even your own records of amounts withdrawn or cheques written -
This is just brainstorming on my part but in common-law jurisdictions (of which the 50 states of the US are all examples - all states follow a common law system), there is generally an expectation of “reasonable expectations” of behaviour and standards. Even in a case of an oral agreement, there are reasonable expectations (that’s the whole way things work - the world would be crazy if every single thing had to be written down, like every single basic thing: for example, do you have to write down that you require oxygen to breathe? No. It is a reasonable expectation).
It seems to me that doubling rent in less than three months (or even three years I personally think) is an unreasonable behaviour. I would say it is absolutely worth standing your ground on that. Pay the rent you agreed, and if he wants to take you to court he can. Then he can explain to a judge why he thinks it is “reasonable” to double your rent less than three months after you moved in.
Worst case scenario, the judge will grant the eviction order, but you can still apply to the judge on the grounds of compassion, for an extension of time before you have to leave. The judge is permitted to grant up to a year under NY state law. I would say you have a fair argument for a year of tenancy under your existing monthly rent as agreed.
Another thing that defines what’s “reasonable” is the reasonable market rates for rent in your neighbourhood. That requires a little more research, so you only need to do some research for those rates if he actually takes you to court.
And even if he does, there’s usually publicly available real estate information at libraries, etc, for market rates of rent. But again, you only need to take the time to do that research if he takes you to court.
you are so amazing for being SO HELPFUL i can’t even fathom how much time and effort you’re putting into supporting me with this right now it’s blowing my mind
My mom told me a story once about how she got into this whole series of letters, all the way up to the regional vice-president of MasterCard (it was some big company - I’m pretty sure it was MasterCard - in any case it was some big company) just because they assumed she would take responsibility for what my father owed on something and they sent the card with the wrong name. It was basically “no, at no point did I personally confirm that, and the law is pretty clear about this, so… you guys gonna change this or am I gonna pay you nothing because you aren’t bothering to double check things and follow the rules?”
In your case, even if he does say “we don’t have an agreement”, the reasonable expectation is “well, I have the key and I moved in and you never complained about what I was paying so far, so… I’m pretty sure we have an agreement about the right price, based on you accepting my payments so far”.
More valuable info about tenant and landlord rights in the state of New York, for both written and oral “handshake” leases:
(Important note: if at any point you are served legal papers, do not ignore them, even if you believe they are incorrect or undeserved. There are still consequences that can happen if the papers are left unacknowledged / unresponded. There are some hotlines and other services that can provide free or low-cost legal advice: see “New York State free legal advice”.)
Last thing for today - I am not a lawyer, all the info I’ve given here is from my searches and from my very basic knowledge of law (from my high school law classes ). Please use the free legal services (link above) to get some advice!
Hi Julia, have you ever checked the possibility of buying a place instead of renting? For usd 1800 you might even be able to pay down a mortgage. I am not US based, so please forgive if that is not an available option. Currently shelter is the biggest driver of US inflation. Once this has come down interest rates will fall and reduce the mortgage payment if you do not have a fixed rate - just my thoughts…
Honestly right now is a terrible time to actually buy property instead of rent. The market is really volatile right now and there is a high risk you are going to be upside down on the mortgage in the near future so unless you know you can pay it off and keep it for a couple of decades honestly isnt the best idea right now. I was watching a video feom Stephen Graham about this not long ago and it’s actually cheaper to rent under the current conditions too.
