Wow. Do the ppl in your program not challenge your thinking on this? Dude. The real you, with all your nooks and crannies and edges and hurts and broken bits but also all your good bits already in place and ready to be watered and to blossom when the time comes, in recovery - but yeah, the real you did all the things you did in your addiction. It’s the potential to become the a-hole when we don’t care for our wounds and seek comfort in the wrong places that we all, all the real us, carry in us. I’m a potential a-hole and was an actual one for a long time. Or a lost little girl hurting ppl and things in the process of keeping myself hurting. Same as you. Same thing.
Welcome to the site and welcome to recovery. Connecting with all the different parts of you will be a big part of your work.
Here are some resources to get you started: Resources for our recovery
And some experiences by the ppl who’ve walked the walk before you:
Your #1 tip for sobriety (over 2 years sober)