Sleepless thoughts

I know im an alcoholic, but what ive yet to understand about this is…am i only an alcoholic because of my current position in life? Do i feel the need to drink constantly because i have nothing in my life that is worth not drinking for? Something that would make me rather keep a clear head and a positive track in life ? If i were to get my shit together and build a life that im not only content to live, but proud to live, would i still be an alcoholic? Would i be able to have a drink and not feel the need or want to get fucked up because there are more important things in my life that id want to remain clear headed for? Are these thoughts just myself trying to weasel alcohol into my system in the future when i have reached the point of “being proud” of my life? Or can there actually be a point that we can all reach inwhich a healthy balance has been achieved due to a “precedence” factor?

Those are the thoughts of an addicted mind. I am successful in my career, I have a nice house and a great husband, two wonderful kids, basically the “American dream” and I am still an alcoholic. Now, it’s because I am “entitled” to drink… I’ve worked hard for this shit and by god I’ve earned it. NO!!! Being proud quickly diminishes when alcohol really starts to take its toll and you start doing things the real you would never do. The thoughts are evil and insidious. I know that I can never control it, regardless of how much my alcoholic brain (I like to call the drunk me Becky, instead of my real name Rebecca) tells me I will be ok. It’s all or nothing for me. The goal is to get drunk. I don’t just like a glass of wine. I need a bottle, and vodka, and shots after that. It’s vicious and cunning… stay strong.


I wondered the same thing…couple years later had my son (biggest reason I could imagine to stop drinking!) And was able to stay sober…for a little while. Till I listened to that little deceiving voice that said “hey you’ve been sober over a year…you could have A beer”. A few years and a crap TON of alcohol and various drugs later…here I am. Now only 29 days sober. Looking back at myself and hating that having a “good life” was also used as an excuse for me to drink. Its just how our alcoholic minds work. Looking for any excuse, or exception to the rule. Convincing ourselves that one day we will be able to just have one or two like “normal, civilized people”. Deep down we know for a fact that we can’t. Doesn’t matter how successful, or happy, or how much we have to live for, alcohol is always sitting just on the outskirts of our lives waiting to pounce and completely and ravenously devour our lives and our sanity. We will always have to stay on guard and never have even a sip.
…but that’s just my opinion.


No. No it would not make a difference.

Just new excuses…

So true. I’m like you- nobody would suspect the truth, only my husband knows the truth about my alcoholism. I will find am excuse to drink no matter what- shit I just messed up at work? Drink! Wow- I just got a raise? Drink! And not just a drink, but 8 shots of vodka and a bottle of wine. :worried:

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