Fuck! Excuse my language but why the hell do i cave when i know how miserable and exhausted I’m going to be. It’s a mindfuck:sob:
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Because it is a mind fuck, like you said. I relapsed so many times in the beginning, and it didn’t matter that I knew exactly how bad I was gonna feel. You gotta be doing something for your recovery everyday. Sometimes multiple times a day in the beginning.
How’d you get clean the last time? Are still doing those things?
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Addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful.
Here’s a great video that helped me understand addiction better. Click on the video within the link below.
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I understand ,struggling to get my legs under me but I’m here and it is a start. I’m trying very hard to give myself some grace. Gather more tools and information to help me on my journey to sobriety. You are not allow the the struggle is real.
Awwww, sweetheart I’ve been there many times. What are you doing to stay sober? Has it worked in the past? If not try something different. Remember… “Insanity is doing to same thing over expecting different results” I’m a chronic relapser. I decided to try something different. 1. I go to meetings regularly 2. I have an accountability partner/sponsor. 3. I go to AA book studies. 4. I made sober friends in AA. 5. I reach out to sober friends when I want to drink instead of isolating. 6. I pray everyday 7. Read my Bible 8. I attend church and have commitments in church to keep me accountable 9. I give a helping hand when I can 10. I remain teachable, I’m honest with myself and others, I stay spiritually fit, and I surrender daily sometimes minute by minute when I really want to drink. So far it’s working. I have 86 days sober. It’s very hard to stay sober on your own. Just know you’re not alone, we’re here for you. 
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