This past Sunday would have been 3 weeks. I ending up drinking not crazy but it make me throw up it tasted gross. And the usual fireball I would drink everyday tasted like shit lol made me realize I can not keep alcohol at my home. Although when I went out to lunch and dinner this weekend when my boyfriend was visiting I did enjoy a glass of wine or cocktail and felt completely fine. Having 1 drink to last me a whole meal is huge.I do t think I can ever not drink again however I have came to the conclusion that 1 I will not have alcohol at my house, 2 if I have a cocktail I will eat and drink water with it, 3 will only be on the weekend. I have been extremely open with my family about my journey and have not told them about this past weekend. Although I’m sure they will be supportive I know they will say that the only reason I did drink was cuz my bf was here which is not true. He has been so supportive and said he will not drink around me if I don’t want him to. I told him I’m good with him drinking and my self control is what needs to be addressed. I’m not sure if I should tell them and it would cause drama or keep it between us cuz I know we understand where we are both at. Also do I have to start my sober days over again? Am I in the wrong for being hard on myself? If I am capable of making these decisions, understanding, learning and growing from them even though I drank is that ok?
Nothing wrong with being hard on yourself… I was open to my family about alcohol recovery for the first time I got submitted to the hospital and for professional help to actually stop. Sadly some terrible stuff happened to me during recovery and I went right back to relapses, and it was a heavy relapse not even just a few drinks, like straight back to the 750 ml bottles of whiskey, rum, and vodka daily.
It wasn’t a fun experience , it was that hard experience and going through that struggle that actually made me wanna attempt harder in the future, and made me acknowledge that I had more of an alcohol dependency compared to how I would even project it on myself and others.
Here I am now in 2023 , I have had a FEW relapses , but pretty much since the begining if the year this is the least alcohol that’s ever touched my system since about 2014 - 2015.
I’m completely 21 days sober right now.
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Some things I can tell you , is ,
Self discipline is a good thing , it shouldn’t be looked down upon. -
Everyone has their own idea about a relapse, some people will guilt trip you, but sometimes a relapse is what will help you become more aware and prepared for your next sober adventure , a relapse isn’t always a bad thing as long as you don’t let it control you. I’ve learned from professionals that relapses do happen to the best of us, so don’t feel like an outcast if you do relapse.
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Focus on your goals, and where you’re heading with alcohol. For me I wanted to give it up entirely , and I first convinced myself I could go back to it on “rare events” but I was wrong, I know myself better now , when alcohol touches these taste buds, it will always lead me back into that vicious cycle over time even if I “control” it at first with “responsible drinking” < what is responsible drinking ? LOL let’s be honest .
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be honest with your family and yourself , if your family wants to actually push you away when you’re being honest than that’s a problem that you all will learn how to cope with moving forward .
-when was the last time you could only have A drink ? As alcoholics, sometimes we try to trick our mind and tell ourselves “oh it’s just one drink” . We all know ourselves well enough even when we’re lying to ourselves.
-just be honest with yourself , and everyone. That’s one of the biggest steps to recovery, saying “hey I know I struggle with alcohol, and I’m not ashamed of it because I’m willing to put in the work”
Thanks for your honesty. As to resetting: you drank. In my book that’s the end of being sober. For now.
As to having one cocktail every now and again: this place is called Talking Sober for a reason. It isn’t called Talking While Drinking Every Now And Again.
People here believe they can’t have one every now and again. We are addicts and we believe in abstinence from our DOC’s. I know I can’t have just one. It could take a day, maybe a week or a month but I am sure I’d be back where I was, deep in the clutches of addiction. Never going there again.
I lost control over my drinking long ago. I’ll never find it back. The only control I have is abstinence. That’s why I am here. Wishing you all success.
I would say you definitely should restart your timer since you drank and broke your sobriety.
I also suggest the Easy Way to Control Alcohol book by Allen Carr.
As part of my addiction, I told myself repeatedly for years I can control myself and limit my drinking, time and time again I proved myself utterly wrong and made many drunken mistakes, continued to ruin my health, relationships, etc. Everyone is different so if you think making these rules for yourself will benefit you - more power to you, BUT be wary of the addiction talking to and manipulating you. It will do anything to hold on and keep you prisoner
Sending good vibes, good luck
If you have cirrhosis you should probably not drink, like at all but I’m sure you already know that. It’s your clock but you should obviously reset it unless you’re using it for something other than sobriety.
Getting sober is hard! I tried everyway imaginable to keep alcohol in my life… I wasn’t successful, it would always take control, no matter how many rules i put in place.
You are on the right path, you’re realizing the truth about your relationship with alcohol. I wish you the best.
If you want to be sober, then be sober. For me…to be sober there are no “if I drink, then I will do XY&Z”
I had rules like that for 20 years. Broke every one of them.
Many of us have been through the bargaining phase, where we hold on to any way to negotiate not having to quit drinking. I know I did, and have heard others share the same - only drinking white wine, only beer, only on weekends, drinking a glass of water between drinks, only when out at a restaurant, etc etc.
It’s your life, it’s your decision. I hope you will learn quicker than I did that no amount of alcohol is healthy or worth it. None. I am glad you put this out there and are being honest. However, we are all here to work on a sober lifestyle and your choices to drink “only” under certain circumstances don’t fit in to the goals of this community.
One thing that helped me when I was struggling to commit to sobriety was to think about quitting as a loss that I had to grieve. Alcohol felt like a friend that was always there for me. I had to realize this “friend” of mine was hurting me, that I was harming myself by drinking. Reading about the stages of grief and loss helped me to understand what I was feeling, the denial, anger and bargaining especially so. Lots of us have to work through this to get to acceptance that we can’t drink, or better said that we no longer wish to drink. I wish you the best on your journey and hope you come to your acceptance sooner than not.
@Lolo4shodoe. What I found, is that controling my abstinence is exponentially easier than my attempts at controlling my drinking.
Thank you so much for your words and advice. This definitely helps and much appreciated 
Thank you very much. I totally get where you are coming from and it makes complete sense. I’m just stubborn and in the negotiating phase with it I suppose. Not that it’s an excuse but coming from my daily drinking to where I’m at now is a huge step for me
Thank you so much I appreciate it
Ya I totally get it I’m still learning and growing
Thank you🙏🏼
From one stubborn chick to another, sometimes we just have to let go, release the sense that we have control and say “enough!” Trust me, being stubborn and sober is waaaaaay better! And easier! And more fulfilling! I can be stubborn with my husband and he can’t question me because I am stone cold sober 
love it
You drank in the middle of a liver disease diagnosis. You are playing with fire, and you have not committed to your sobriety.
I am not trying to be hard on you, but that’s the truth. Probably all of us have tried making “rules” to manage our drinking, hoping that we just need "more self control ".
If you could control it, you wouldn’t be faced with liver disease. I suggest you get honest with yourself and decide what you actually want.
Get sober or don’t, it doesn’t affect me either way, but half measures will only lead you back down the path of alcoholism.
Hey Lolo, You got some great responses here. Mine falls around the same as what Rosa said…I spent years trying to bargain and negotiate my way to being able to still drink…like 1 or 2 on a dinner out…that didn’t work for me. Sometimes it did, sure. But eventually I would have 1 or 2 at dinner and follow it up with a bottle or two or three or four later. I get it, we do make incremental progress here and there…but eventually, we end up right where we have always been…having an alcohol problem. The one consistent here…alcohol leads to problems.
For me, yes, I would 100% restart my timer. That is your choice of course, but I know for myself, I need to be 100% honest.
Well, being hard on ourselves doesn’t necessarily equate with reaching our goals. We have been hard on ourselves for a long time and yet, here we are. For me…I had to start loving myself enough to get real and put down the alcohol and start fighting for the life waiting for me. Self love feels way better than being hard on myself AND it helped me gain confidence and realize alcohol was not adding anything positive to my life.
Learning and growing is definitely where it is at. This feels like a learning experience to me. 
Idk if you like reading, but I found a lot of inspiration and eye opening in reading sobriety books. This Naked Mind by Annie Grace really gave me an interesting perspective on alcohol. And currently I am reading Push Off From Here by Laura McKowen, I keep going oh yeah, I get that. Anyway, just some suggestions.
Glad you posted here and are asking yourself tough questions. It is a process for sure. 
Lots to unpack here.
But to be completely frank, negotiating having drinks every now and then is a huge part of the denial phase. All the times of sobriety under my belt tricked me into that mindset. Guess how it ended? Bad. Really bad.
All or nothing for me, and nothing is everything. I gave up one thing to gain everything.
Reading others comments, you’re playing with fire in a room full of gas my friend.
I would not be concerned about the timer. What’s important is you don’t drink again. I know that is easier said than done but it sounds like you are committed to getting sober. It really is one day or one hour at a time. Good luck.