Something that I suggest to assist in getting and staying sober is to identify triggers. Sure, a bottle of alcohol is a very common trigger since it is hidden from everyone else… but one that I have is the friends and people I keep. I have been lucky to have support from family about this lifestyle I’ve got, even if they don’t understand. My brother-in-law has been asking me when I will be having a drink with him every time I see him and the answer has been the same for almost four years now “not today”.
I have been so close to throwing my hands up and starting again because of people and how they project themselves, whether at work, outside of AA meetings or even on places like Facebook/Twitter/etc. I’ve had to stop dating women because their drinking would become an excuse to their actions. They’d say “I’ll stop drinking when you’re around” but that would make me feel like I was stopping them from doing what they wanted to do. What I’m getting at here is that the company we keep, as struggling addicts/alcoholic, is directly related to how long I can go before giving up and saying “just one won’t hurt.” That is just bullshit to me and I know this.
The most difficult part about getting sober for me is having to reevaluate who my friends are. Frankly, I won’t even engage old college buddies because all they want to do is grab a drink whenever they have a free minute. That is not healthy or progressive of my recovery. I’ve put in too much work in reestablishing who I am. My life is mine. My choices are mine. My shortcomings are mine to work on. I’m not perfect and would never say I am. I just know where I stand and if others don’t choose to accept my choices, then they can choose to leave.
Have you considered attending AA meetings? People in rooms tend to speak the same stories we have experienced and it brings some much needed support in my case.
Keep coming back and checking in! Every little bit helps =)
I hope you don’t lose years of your life to this phase.
But alcoholics (it seems) can’t be told! We think we know better… Until we don’t.
By having an “every now and then” drink, you are seeing it as a treat or something to enjoy. Then you are turning up the chance of temptation, giving in to craving. It’ll be once a month, then once every two weeks, then weekly. You get the picture! It’s not a treat, it’s a life destroyer.
I dont want this to sound harsh because im coming from a place of sincere worry for you but honestly i dont think your taking your cirrhosis diagnosis seriously enough…you should not be drinking at all
Honestly I understand peoples opinions but this is my journey and I’m learning and growing and for people to poke and say I’m not taking this seriously and have facetious statements is making me wish I would have never even wrote this. I’m being honest with my process and my first step was stopping and joining this “safe” space. For me to go almost 3 weeks with nothing is a BIG deal for me. Reading all this while trying to be composed at work is difficult as I just want to go home and cry and delete this.
You’re in a raw place. I am with @SassyRocks that self love works better than anything and the tough “love” that you will encounter here is not always helpful for everyone. Please don’t take it personally. It’s really not about you. It’s a big community with a lot of different types of personalities. Hang in there and stay with us.
I haven’t read all the replies so sorry if I repeat anything anyone else has said. From my perspective I think everyone’s journey is unique. I think it’s very easy for people to be harsh or judge people on their journey and in circumstances like this one. To me that’s discouraging. But, I do agree if your plan is to work on self control and not really abstain from drinking this may not be the right place for that, perhaps some individual counseling would be better suited, I do go to personal counseling myself and I really enjoy it. The reason why I say this is because participating here and telling people here that you’re drinking and working on self control and not quitting drinking could mislead other people here to relapse into their habits which they’ve come to the realization that they are addicts. They could easily have the thought “well that person is having success with moderation, maybe if I try it I can handle myself” when that person may have no business going down that route. Make sense?
Me personally, I tried the moderation and self discipline route and every time without fail I wound up drinking like a fish eventually and putting myself in worse and worse situations. I think you really need to figure out what your relationship with alcohol is. If you are a person that can control yourself I celebrate that, that’s wonderful people can live and enjoy alcohol and not overindulge. If you’re not that person, then that is okay too. But each person needs to make that realization with themselves. I can’t moderate so for me I’m sober 71 days and happy with my choice. I wish you all the best
I come from a really compassionate place and im genuinely worried after your diagnosis that you feel you can moderate was what i was saying, im sorry if ive upset you that was not my intention, i know none of this is easy but i genuinely care and want the best for you
Well, there’s a lot of good advice already said.
To me your post sounds like a question for permission to drink. I think, when we are talking sobriety, this goes into the wrong direction. When you are bargaining to drink every now and then, IMHO you are working on relapse, not sobriety nor recovery. Of course it’s your decision, it’s like always: Take what helps and leave the rest. You are the only one who works on your sobriety but you don’t have to do it alone. ODAAT
I hope you are able to settle yourself before work. It is never comfortable when our emotions get heightened.
I know as well that it is hard and super uncomfortable hearing so many opinions. Some that feel helpful and others that do not. We all are on our own journeys, have our own experiences and what feels helpful for one of us, can feel hurtful for another.
One of the tenets of this forum is to take each post as coming from a place of good intent. I often need to remind myself of that. We all want eachother to succeed in sobriety.
Hope you will stick around and continue to be open and honest with your journey. It takes a lot of guts to do that, especially when we are in the raw and uncomfortable early stages of sobriety.
I can relate to having you emotions all over the place and to desperately wanting to cling on to a sense of ‘normality’. Moderation is something I’ve tried and failed and tried and failed and tried and failed at so so so many times that I lost count.
While my liver is (somehow) fine, I did still drink while under psychiatric meds that one should never ever mix with alchohol. Drinking also makes my psychiatric symptoms go from unpleasant to where’s-that-stray-jacket in a heartbeat. So I get what it’s like to still want to drink despite being a medical situation where drinking is basically forbidden.
Getting to 3 weeks is amazing. You can definitely do a lot longer if you put your mind to it. Don’t give up on yourself, you deserve a healthy sober life.
I understand but for people to say you shouldn’t be drinking at all, you’re not serious about sobriety, this is sober talk not “drink every now and then talking app”, is rude af.
