Thank you.
I know that for me it was the things I really didn’t want to hear that actually helped me the most in the long run. It’s probably tough being told that you are not doing enough or not taking this seriously, but people can only respond to what the read. There’s been a lot of great advice given in the same messages that you don’t like reading. Don’t do yourself a disservice of ignoring the message just because you don’t like the format in which it was presented.
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Like I mentioned in my reply, it’s easy for people to do that and discourage you. If I had one complaint about communities it’s that they do have people that have strong opinions and don’t always express them in the best way. It does take a lot of courage to come onto an open community and express yourself especially if you are new! Don’t be discouraged by peoples’s opinions that come off as negative, you are exploring sobriety and trying to answer questions for yourself. It took 3-4 attempts at moderation for me to realize that it wasn’t the right path for me because when I drink I learned my mind just says keep drinking even when I know I should stop. When I pinpointed that thought process I knew it was sober or busy for me personally.
I actually downloaded and deleted this app several times lol when I was exploring sobriety. The first few times I never posted anything I just read other people’s experiences and used them to look at my own habits and assess myself. I learned that I am an addict and I shared habits other people described. Addiction looks different for different people. Alcoholism doesn’t mean you drink everyday necessarily which is what people typically think of. In my case I could easily choose not to drink most of the time, but when I took that first sip it was anyone’s guess when I would stop and which version of myself would appear. Please don’t be discouraged! There are people here that care and can have meaningful conversations with you to help figure things out! Like I also said in my first reply, personal counseling may not be a bad option either as community can be tough to navigate sometimes.
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@Ray_M_C_Laren I love how you’re always short and to the point lol I need to learn to shorten my replies to people and get to the point but I’m a part time writer for a magazine so it’s not always in my nature
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TBH there is a point in it: The forum rules clearly state that TS is about sobriety and recovery, talking about actively using is very limited as it is possibly triggering people on here. That’s the reason to put trigger warnings (TW) on the title of a potentially problematic issue. Maybe you want to re-read the post under this perspective.
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1: If abstinence is your goal, then yes.
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I think one will be as hard on them selves as their desire for success will allow. In short, no.
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Every experience is capable of teaching you something, regardless of the outcome; the real question is, What did you learn from this experience?
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Lots to digest here. Feels like a good point to take a break.
You are asking yourself some great questions. Being curious is the opposite of being judgemental or berating ourselves so I applaud you for that.
I can share with you my experience and how I have reached a place of peace within myself. It definitely didnt happen overnight, and I definitely wasnt asking questions about my behavior in the first few years of my recovery, which started 18 years ago. I instead was filling myself with shame for making mistakes and labeling my mistakes as failures which in turn crushed my spirit further each time.
I stopped using meth 18 years ago and I have never used it again. I did however pick up alcohol so I do not count any of those years as years of recovery because I was still in active addiction. Even though I was learning and even though I had exponential growth during those years I still was using mind and mood alter substances. My clean date will always be the last day I put a mind or mood altering substance in my body. So far that day is Dec 29th 2019, and hopefully it will stay that way.
It has been my experience that when I am hard on myself I make my life more difficult, but when I can find self compassion and have some understand around the fact that I am just learning things seem to sit easier.
This road is not an easy one so being hard on ourselves and each other just isnt a good way. Sending you a big hug, it gets easier. 
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