So update for those wondering... *Domestic violence. Trigger Warning ⚠️*

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I know. I know. I’m terrible at checking in… It’s been a hectic, chaotic, beautiful ride.

But lemme start by saying I’m an open book. If you have any questions or want to talk or vent. Let me know here or DM!

So quick back story.

I’m a recovering alcoholic/addict. Domestic abuse survivor, sexual assault survivor… Single mom to 3 beautiful girls.

When I found this place I was 2 weeks sober. And my ex had just beaten me pretty severely with a baseball bat… my kids dad had taken them. And I was fighting like hell to get custody back. Last time I checked in. My divorce was finally final… but I had just found out the DA “Declined prosecution” :roll_eyes:

Fast forward to 2022.

January 6th I hit one year clean and sober.
January 24th was one year since he kidnapped me and beat me And left me stranded… In the cold. With no clothes. And I had to walk to a strangers house and call for help.
Then… my absolute favorite milestone. January 29th was 1 year no contact. I haven’t spoken to my abuser aside from legal/court ordered things…

Today I have full custody of my wonderful. Happy. Healthy girls.
A full-time day job… (Been there a year this Friday)
A full-time night job.
I’m in the wait list for an amazing place.
My heads in straight. I still struggle with the PTSD. Anxiety and depression. But I no longer live my life in fear. Not of relapse. Not of my ex. None of it.

He tried to destroy me. He failed.
My addiction tried to destroy me. It failed.
I tried to destroy me. I failed.

I’m doing okay. And Im not happy with where I am in life. But I am happy with WHO I am in life!

I plan on starting volunteering at the women’s shelter and beginning my training to become a peer specialist as soon as I’m able. And then hopefully. Eventually I can get my certification and start school to become a license Substance abuse and trauma therapist.

I post on my TikTok… In hopes that I can help someone else… If I’m able to help one person then what I went through would be worth it.

https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdhEcXdH/

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Stay strong. You will love the Peer Specialist. It’s hard but rewarding. Keep up the good work

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Well this sure is a great update to read!! I am so very happy to hear life is feeling more manageable and SAFE which you so richly deserve!!!

I have found great comfort, support and meaning in volunteering at local DV shelters over the years. It sounds like you have a solid plan and trajectory in place!!

I am so happy for you and your kids. So glad you checked in. And truly thankful you are safe and thriving. You are so strong. :heart:

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@Popkorn thanks man!

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I am so thankful you got out of that :frowning: There are no words to describe the fear and torment and trauma that occurs bcuz of abuse. I too am a domestic violence survivor and sexual assault survivor. After many years of hell, I finally had the courage to charge one night after a horrible drug fueled situation. Enough was enough. No more being held hostage, no more physical or emotional or sexual abuse! The police took me to a shelter while they went to pick him up. The distorted thinking I had was Un-frickin real :frowning: it was hell :frowning: and even while he was put away I was STILL living in fear as he was involved with a group who I couldn’t tell u if i was being watched or targeted out on the street. I moved 2 provinces away and then like 8 years later he finds me on fb and messenges me :frowning: blocked and deleted lol It takes alot of courage and alot of strength to work thru what u did. I am so proud of you for fighting and not being silent. U not only saved urself but ur kiddos lives as well. Ur strong mama. I am praying for continued healing and serenity for u. Keep at it, keep healing. So grateful ur found your voice!! Hugs!!

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@SassyRocks thank you. I’m not used to people… Caring or noticing when I’m MIA… Didn’t have alot of checking in when I was in the living situation I was in. I’m going to try to be more active here.

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@Butterflymoonwoman Wow. What a story you have! I’m so happy you were able to escape that! It can definitely stick with you… So proud of you for being able to push through all the things that try to keep us frozen!

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Building community support…even on an app like this…can help us and others. You would be amazed at how your story can help others. Sometimes just planting a seed or letting others see our progress or struggle can inspire or give someone much needed hope. :heart:

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@SassyRocks you’re so right… I didn’t talk about what happened to me until I found TS. My safe place. It really opened me up to sharing my story. Along with a few amazing people I met here.

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Thank you hugs… I saw ur tiktok too :frowning: it hurts me to see that cuz ur a beautlful person inside and out… no one deerves that. Makes me angry… And as hard as it is to “forgive” it truly is so necessary. Cuz why should we let them control and have power over us… even when they aren’t around right? By holding onto that anger or fear… they are STILL in control of our lives and our minds. Forgiving isnt “accepting what happened”… forgiving is just giving ourseleves a sense of peace in our lives. And girl, u deserve so much better and I see how so much more free u are! I’m so fricking proud of you :orange_heart::yellow_heart::green_heart::blue_heart::purple_heart:

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So true!! Plus, it gets so heavy dragging that shit around. Letting go can free us in many ways. :heart:

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@Butterflymoonwoman exactly :100:. People always are so confused when I don’t express hate and resentment. I’m over it. He doesn’t get anything from me. Not anger. Not sad. Not any of it. He may as well not even exist as far as I’m concerned. My focus is teaching my girls. Who and how they should be… And I’m not trying to teach them to be bitter and unhappy.

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Right on lady!!! Focus is on YOU and your girls now!! Did anyone help give u supports or or counsellong or anything fir what has happened? Or have u just sort of worked thru this urself?

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YESSSSS! SO HEAVY! It’s exhausting.

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@Butterflymoonwoman mostly myself. People try. But you don’t know unless you know. My mother has tried abd she’s making the effort. Researching. Trying to understand. And shes been wonderful. I got into trauma therapy. But it seems like it’s just more like girl talk than therapy lol

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Absolutely!!! So heavy carrying that around :frowning: I have a friend back home who went thru something traumatic with an ex. She’s in a super healthy relationship now but she hasn’t let go of what happened. She hurts alot and it’s actually very debilitating for her. It’s sad :frowning: I’ve tried to be a listening ear and support for her but she is “stuck” mentally in her past. It’s so crucial to let go (it’s hard of course… but it’s almost necessary to do).

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Ahhh ya. I found that too. Unless uv been there, it’s hard for someone to understand. I’m glad she is trying tho… that’s super important :heartpulse:

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@Butterflymoonwoman yeah. I damaged an damn good relationship. I just wasn’t ready. But I’m hoping it’s mendable.

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Thanks for sharing this update, @DeadMist! You are an unbelievably strong woman.

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@LeeHawk thank you for you kind words!