Ok so I find myself divorced, 2 kids 9 and 13, at 41 years old. I met my former wife at 21 and married at 24. Dating always involved bars, bands and badass food (needed 3 b’s to drive that home). So now I’m almost 3 years separated/divorced and 6/17/2017 is my sobriety date. Dating websites are ok I have gone on a date and it seemed cool then i find out her ex is an ex is an active alcoholic so my AA story went over like a led balloon. I get it. So on to my actual question. What the hell do you do for dates? I mean meet up for coffee✅. Dinner✅. Movie✅. Walked in a park✅ but I live in Michigan so nice warm days are not abundant. I’m just looking for ideas so I can go in with confidence and not have that deer in headlights look of WTF. Thanks for reading and any advice you may have.
I am from Michigan too! And I can give no advice…lol
I got married at 21 my ex was 18 we were married 15 years she kicked me out and a couple of weeks later i went to AA still sober 32 years plus later ? no kids meet Sheila when i was 6 years sober had a few dates but it was only for sex but sheila was different we met through the christen fellowship went out for 2 years got engaged got married in 1994 and still am 25 years this july we had two sons 24 and 23 this year ill be 33 years sober on 15th sept thats my oldest sons birthday . i told sheila on first date that i was going to AA but it didnt seem to matter to her she dosent drink much anyway so im sure youl find someone to go on your journey with you Butch wish you well
Just be you, bro. Have fun and let the cards fall where they will. You cant rush or force anything in life.
Ahh Spring, when a young man’s fancy turns to love. Kee😊
I’m not so sure I’d be talking AA on a first date. Keep it light, sheesh 
What are your interests? See about outdoor groups to join on meet-up.
I love the honesty.
I didn’t mention anything about it. It was about our 3rd date I made dinner and my AA books were on the coffee table. Trust me I debated whether or not to put them away but I figured that was lying so I left like would be normally. She asked questions I answered.
I know, this buckeye usually tries to hide the fact I live in _ichigan…figured I might as well be honest about it. Actually, here is my advice. Pray, and just be you. The right person will find you when its time.
Oops, sorry.
My advice: ABC.
Always.
Be.
Cool.
Challenge 1: Get a date. Understand that at 40 plus, you will both have baggage. ABC: leave your baggage at the door.
Challenge 2: where to go. You know that alcohol is everywhere. You have some solid sober time, so unless you’ve been living on a mountain in a hut, you have managed to go about living in the real world. Dating is no different. You just want to avoid places where the main focus is alcohol. No bars, clubs, wineries, breweries. Good news is at 40 plus, this shouldn’t be the main objective of your social life. ABC: take her somewhere she’s never likely been. Go to one of those places where you paint pictures, or a baseball game. Think out of the box.
Challenge 3: Telling her you don’t drink. Don’t mention it. Just don’t drink. If she asks, just say “I don’t drink”. Your choice as to whether or not her drinking in moderation is a dealbreaker. For me, it wouldn’t be. I’d just say “I don’t drink, but I’d be happy to order you one, if you’d like”. Maybe in time you can tell her about being in recovery, but for now, you just say “I don’t drink” if it comes up.
ABC: Sobriety is a personal choice. Live a sober life, but be cool with “normies”. We can get militant sometimes, because of how it’s affected our lives. For others, it’s just an occasional drink.
At least that’s how I see it. Your mileage may vary.
Thanks that is helpful.
Lol no worries.
And good luck to you. I tell my lovely wife that should I find myself a widower, I think I shall remain single and celibate for the rest of my days. I lack the patience to reenter the dating pool, and my faith leaves no room for flings.
If I had the choice I would have stayed but I find myself in this crazy world trying to mingle with normal ppl thinking damn I racked up a huge Karmic tab lol.
Cook a meal together? Picnic? Bowling.
For a first date, brunch or coffee is totally fine! Also meeting for a drink but choosing a non-alcoholic beverage. Dinner is too much for a first date if you haven’t met yet, IMHO. Keeping it short and sweet for the first date is what most social media daters do, at least back when I was doing it 10 years ago! 
Me too…plus I’ve spent too long pleasing other people…it would be nice to focus on me and only me.
Bowling, rock wall climbing, top golf, disc golf, roller derby, batting cages (seriously lol), outdoor movie theater, listen to a local band play live… What’s there to do or see around you guys?
Uk bars now serve coffee or ill have lime and soda.if its after 7pm most people are a little over tipsy so that puts me off ‘having just one’.if its a first date do coffee 'on your dinner hour’that way if you dont click you can use returning to work as an excuse and slowly fade out of contact and if you do click you can arrange dinner for your second date!!win win😊
Wow you’re so much cooler than I am. If someone took me to batting cages I wish I would know what to do 