I’ve been sober from opiates 10 days today. I’m 22 and when I was 8 I started smoking weed, I was 10 when I started doing it regularly rather than socially. When I was 9 I started doing opiates with my friends. I always hung out with the older crowd so I was introduced to a lot of things at an early age. When I was 12 I stopped doing opiates. But I don’t remember having withdrawals or anything like that. But I also don’t remember a lot from my childhood surprise surprise lol. Then I did them very occasionally until I was 19 then it started in hard again. I was born with my lower spine being out of wack, it’s really hard to explain over a message not a deformity or anything. But that’s why I did the pain pills when I was younger and why I started doing them again when I got older. I’ve realized now that this isn’t the life I want to live anymore. I’ve spent every last dime I could to get pills, and I always justified it because I made sure all my other bills were paid. But it was also the bare minimum i was paying on those bills. In one month I had spend right around $3,000 on pills. But only the minimum $25 payment on my credit cards. That’s when I realized I had a problem. Not the days of not going to work or having to leave early because I was sick, not the freaking out if I found a pill missing, or if I dropped my last 30 on the floor id be almost in tears until I found it. And that’s just a few things I have realized I did. And looking back at it I’m so disgusted and ashamed. But in my head I’m almost worried that I’ll never be able to use them again. I hope that eventually goes away. I know I’m always going to fight the urge. But I almost get sad thinking about never doing a pill again. I know that’s the addict in me. But I used to be able to use them only when I was in serious pain. Then it got to the point of I knew I had to make a far drive for work so I needed to make sure to have something. Which I will be making that trip today first time in a long time that I’ll be sober! I do smoke weed, I take dabs to be exact. And I’ve been using RSO through the last 10 days. It’s really seems to help with the urges. I used to only use marijuana for my back pain, and I really really want to be able to get back to that point. Opiates are the only thing I have ever really abused. (Depending on your take on marijuana.) I have had a drink when I got the urge to use but I don’t drink everyday I try to space at least a few days in between. I’ve been staying really busy and checking in everyday. Even multiple times a day. I actually left my phone at home yesterday and was like “OMG I didn’t check in yet.” I’m also rewarding myself every week that I stay sober. I think it’s something that will help me stay focused. Smaller things for the weekly milestones and bigger things for the bigger milestones. Talking to people really helps me, expescially when I get an urge, so please feel free to message me if your the same way!
Thank you for sharing your story. I can’t believe you said 8 and 9 years old! That is rough. Congratulations on your decision to stop. I have no experience with opiates, but know those 10 days can be very difficult. Be proud of yourself, and just focus on today.
Yeah I was very young when I was introduced to the world of drugs lol. It has been hard, I haven’t really had anyone to talk to about it which makes it harder. But it’s a journey I want to take. I’ve realized so much in this short time of being sober. Just how pills effect you and your thought process. Even me and my boyfriend have been getting along better because I haven’t been so on edge. Whenever I was coming down he would as what was wrong and I’d always say I need to smoke because I was too embarrassed to say I needed more drugs. So then he started hating that I smoked because I was so angry without it. And the money I’ve been able to put towards my car loan, personal loan and credit cards is amazing! I’m excited to see where I am at when I get to 30 days.
I have been clean off heroin for 11 days! My father passed away so I didn’t use “physical pain” but I used the excuse that I was always mentally hurting. I paid all my bills too but barely got by on a waitress salary. I hide my use from all my friends until the point I was excluded from huge milestones in their life (having babies, getting married, graduating college etc) I knew I had hit rock bottom & I felt alone. Jus the thought that my dad was looking over me watching me do heroin made me so disgusted wit myself. I don’t have any “wisdom” bc I fight off the demons daily so ur not alone in that aspect. But encouragement, yes. It will get easier. If u stay on this sober streak long enough one day u will wake up & not think about it. Jus like anything & everything u went through in life that u don’t do anymore. Put it in ur mind that, that was a phase & ur shutting that chapter. This is jus one of those battles that u can’t give up or give in. Hang in there! We’re all fighting the same battle & we are strong!
Hey that’s awesome! We both realized we needed to stop at the same time just different places lol. I’m sorry to hear about your dad, when my grandpa passed it was really hard for me. He was my dad. Which is right about the same time I started using again. I never really thought about that. But just like you I have thought about how disappointed my grandpa and my grandma for that matter would be and it disgusts me. I know I will have to fight off demons everyday and that’s what always scared me. I didn’t think I could be strong enough to fight through them. Yesterday was a very very hard day. Which I thought was weird since I was looking forward to finally hitting those double digits. But today has been good. I know it’s going to get easier. it already has. But it’s nice to know your not alone
I take Suboxone. Idk what ur opinion is on it but it works tremendously. I’m down to half a film strip a day & it works as a blockage anyways so even if I wanted to get high I can’t & jus knowing that makes me feel better. Doing something is better then doing nothing & every day I cut back so eventually I will be able to do it on my own. But it helps. I encourage anyone to get on them who’s battling this.
Omg I’m so glad I read your story today, I haven’t even been on here much but I’m at work and missing drugs, it’s been 20 days and I’m feeing sad. I picked up the phone to see how many days I’m at then clicked the community forum and this is the first one I read and ya exactly how I’m feeling. I miss it and hate that I can never use again but I was doing the exact same thing. Spending every dollar extra on it. I’d pay bare minimum on bills and say screw it the rest can go to drugs why not. But in reality I have some bills that I’d ignore or I’d ask my mom for help and just give her some excuse. I don’t know I’m still not past that feeling yet but I have been before, I quit for two years in the past and I stopped missing it. So I know it’s possible to get back to that. It just takes time
I used to use Suboxone. I went I think 14 days when I was taking it but then I decided that it just wasn’t for me. But I don’t discourage people from using it. My boyfriend uses it. And it is definitely better than taking anything else imo!
I’m glad that my story helped you I’ve been sitting here wondering if it was a complete waste of time to post or not lol. It’s hard it sucks knowing you have been clean before and fell back Into the trap. But your getting yourself back out and seriously way to go for being at 20 days! I can’t wait to get to 20 and then 30. I decided I’m going to reward myself every week I stay clean. I’m just worried after a while it’s not going to mean as much. I’m not trying to think like that but it comes up.
How are you rewarding yourself?
Is there anyone that can help me find a exclusive group or people i can relate to to help
With things I don’t normally get. I never got a lot of clothes or shoes or things like that. So I got a couple pairs of shoes and a sweater. So at this point just clothes. I’m gonna get a massage and facial this Sunday but I have a membership there so it’s not something I don’t normally do but I have told myself I need to cancel it but I’m going to freeze it for three months and if I’m still clean I’m going to continue my membership. Going out to eat. Buying a friend a meal. I was always the person who could never pick up the tab so it’s nice being able to. I haven’t gotten much further than that. What would you think you would reward yourself with? Did you ever get anywhere with getting a sponsor?
Hi @Korie_Bressette post your question in a new topic, with some background of your story, and you will get many responses!
Good deal! Keep putting in work and find the rewards of recovery!
Thank you! That is the plan! This will be my second weekend sober in. Verrry long time and I’m looking forward to it(:
@Oliverjava thank you very much. I’m trying to hardest to do just that! Gonna take the kids to see exotic animals today and a rodeo tomorrow so I’ll definitely be a busy bee!
Still haven’t gotten a sponsor, I’m nervous to ask :-/ I’ll probably buy clothes too and things like that
It was pretty awesome! It wasn’t what I expected what we all still had a good time. Had lunch after. And we have a rodeo to go to tomorrow (:
Good idea. My ferret decided to rip my jacket that I bought. kinda sad about that at first I was like wow that’s a big f u to my sobriety. But then thought well I can either fix it or spend $20 on a new one because I’m not worried about getting high instead! I hope your doing well!
Hi its my first time on here and im heroin free for 33 days now but im still on methadone … reducing from 25ml … ive tried stopping hundreds of times on my own or rehabs or prisons and nothing worked but i found na 33 days ago and not used gear since … so im buzzing about that … and well done on your 10 days … its a tough stage … it does get easier