Dating sober, how do you guys do it? I feel like the second I say “I don’t drink” I look like I’m waving a red flag.
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I’ve been married since long before I started seriously working on my sobriety, so I can’t give any advice, but I’m posting to lift this thread up to the top - maybe someone else will have some tips 
In general, I have found that my sobriety has changed my marriage, for the better. We communicate more deeply and courageously, we do counselling together, we plan our together time more thoughtfully, and we appreciate each other more fully. All of those benefits are impossible without my sobriety. (So I say, if you think saying “I am sober” is a problem, I say you should celebrate that problem, because it’s the best problem I’ve ever had!)
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It sometimes feels like dating is harder in recovery, but I think dating is hard period.
It could sound like a red flag to some, but having a few drinks to loosen up could be a red flag to others. especially since I don’t know how to just have a couple of drinks.
I had been sober for seven years when I got divorced. Dating was hard. I wasn’t into 13 stepping, and didn’t know anyone in recovery that I was interested in. When I tried online dating finding someone who didnt drink at all left few options, but drinks occasionally gave thousands of options.
My inner alcoholic used this to make me feel like I was missing out on something and it made trying to drink like a gentleman more attractive. I talked myself into trying to and I failed miserably at drinking like a gentleman.
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Hi, dating is hard full stop. My philosophy is: you can love me the way I am or not love me at all.
This is probably why I am super single. If someone really likes you & wants to spend time with you why should it matter whether you drink alcohol or not.
I agree with @JasonFisher needing a drink to loosen up could be a red flag too.
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It’s a massive positive for some people.
You won’t lie, be unfaithful or violent (if you’ve got good morals that is)
Alcohol diminishes those morals quickly
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I totally get it. Feels like there’s a lot of stigma around not drinking. I guess it comes down to how you convey the message too.
I don’t drink alcohol because I can’t just have one, I need to have 10, and drink until I black out, and I’ll do that multiple times per week.
Or
I don’t drink because it’s a health and fitness thing and I want to be around for my kids for as long as possible.
I’m on this app with other recovering alcoholics.
Or
Im on this social app that is a community for non drinkers.
Same answers, just different approaches!
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Can I ask how long sober you are?
Dating isn’t recommended until you’ve got a bit of time under your belt
But shout you’re sober from the rooftops- I wouldn’t be compatible with a party girl who likes to still go out - so that’s one of my red flags 
Couldn’t think of anything worse
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There are other people who don’t drink out there. I would be more concerned if my date did drink.
I ended up marrying a man who doesn’t drink and I see it definitely as a bonus.
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Wow you’re married Olivia?
I’ve missed so much
Congratulations 
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Yes, as of May 2023. I moved across the country to be with him and changed jobs as a result, too. Thank you!
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Amazing 
Glad you’re happy 
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There are so many reasons for NOT drinking alcohol, why should this be a red flag? Or even an issue? You don’t drink. Fullstop.
Around my friends and pals, many people don’t drink alcohol.
Why?
I’m sober from alcohol because I had enough myself and decided I’m done and my alcoholic exhusband was a fullblown alcoholic in complete denial ruining our relationship with his drunken behaviour and change of character. When I get to the point I date again, I won’t tolerate drinking on our dates. I’m done with a drunken partner, potential partner or date. Basta.
From people I know: Two are allergic, four for health reasons and meds, one had enough resp. too much in the early 20s, one doesn’t like the taste, three don’t like the effect but like n/a alternatives tastewise, one for religious reasons, one stopped completely when becoming aware of an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
I don’t drink alcohol doesn’t need an excuse, justification or whatever. You don’t ask people why they don’t eat sweets or don’t wear high heels. Not drinking is no big deal except someone makes it one. And from these people it’s better to stay away from my point of view.
Enjoy your dates. Sober. 
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A year is recommended but there is no hard and fast rule
It’s because recovery 
needs to come first and once you’ve got a solid enough foundation then it’s ok
As we know relationships are tough mentally and often recovery takes a back seat
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I know people who’ve started dating after a month sober and they’ve maintained their sobriety
Only you know in your heart whether you’re ready
Wish you the best of luck
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Here’s a post from another thread that helps explain why we should wait.
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From a certain point of view it is a red flag. If they cannot, on some level, understand that you dont drink…dont respect that you dont…that is the red flag…run like heck away from them.
Here’s the thing…there are butt tons of “normal” people that dont drink…not because they are alcoholics…just because it is their choice.
If not drinking isnt ok with a future partner, leave them on the curb with the trash
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What Thirdmonkey said x2!!
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For me, if they have a problem with me NOT drinking…I see it as rejection is god’s protection. I’m not interested in starting out fighting that uphill battle. I had to fight against those closest to me who didn’t want me to stop drinking when I got sober and I’m not interested in doing that again. Now, they either accept and respect me for who I truly am orrrrrr see yah!! My sobriety comes first, always.
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I’m not dating atm, but one of the points in my sober plan is:
Surround myself with positive people who support my recovery. Find my tribe.
So if you encounter people who don’t support your recovery actively or even passively, then what’s the point?
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I totally recognize this. From recent experience. A possible partner could be wary of the fact that apparently I am liable to show addictive behaviour. This can say something about my emotional stability and maturity, which can on its turn have an impact on my attachment style, how ready and safe I am to be in a relationship with.
I guess it depends how far you are in your recovery whether you are ‘safe’ to date or not. And it doesn’t only depend on you also. There will be persons who are compassionate and strong enough to be with you, supporting your effort to lead a better life, loving you for who you are.
I’m just honest about it, I’m working on myself, I not ashamed about it, I know where my addictive tendencies come from, it’s not my fault. It’s my responsibility now though and I’m doing my best to improve.
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