Umm, there is always a turning point, there’s always a choice. You’re making into an external natural truth what in reality is a priority to you. You’re choosing to go, despite not being sure regarding your sobriety, partly because you want to get your money’s worth. (Instead of perhaps selling the room and ticket or just mark it up as a financial loss) That’s a perfectly fine argument, just let’s not make excuses. A big part of sobriety is being honest with yourself. If you go, you take a big risk you’ll relapse and it seems to be a calculated risk. No, your friends who’ll naturally want to party and take drugs won’t be able to keep you sober. You won’t be able to keep you sober either if you still crave an environment where it’s normal to take drugs to enjoy it fully. You’ll want to take drugs and drink. That’s to be expected. Let’s just face that. It comes down to your priorities.
I’m thinking if the rave is close by your hotel room, you’re rooming alone, not with fellow ravers, and you can withdraw as much as you need to (cos that’s what raves are all about, right, not being limitlessly immersed in the crowd), you might do that? And only go during the day, not the nighttime, if it’s multiple days? Just some suggestions. I don’t think it’s a great idea.
Wishing you the best, however you decide, stay safe and look out for yourself!
I didn’t go anywhere there was going to be alcohol for the first couple months of sobriety. It’s not worth the risk. I personally would take the financial loss and back out. Sobriety is more important and there will be plenty other opportunities in the future.
So, if you’re gonna go, how do you make it through with your sobriety?
Im just kind of thinking what I would do.
know what to expect. There will be booze, there will be drugs. Some people will want you to buy some, some people will want to give you some. Some people will try to give you some without you knowing. Figure out what to say in each scenario. Have some go to repsonses ready, like “I’m pretty im allergic to that” then quickly change the subject, or just walk away.
have an exit strategy. Tell your friends before hand that if need to, you will take off. Be able to get home alone if needed, like, don’t rely on others to get you where you need to go.
mental preparation. Remember, no means no. For them, for you.
I will say, if it were me, I’d consider not going. My sobriety means more to me than any amount of money. If I had to give up $5,000 or my sobriety, I’d ask whom to write the check out to without question. It’s only money, it can be replaced; I can’t be replaced, and breaking my sobriety, I could lose it all. Something to think about.
I’m with Smitty on this i wouldn’t hang out at the barber’s shop and expect to not get a buzz. But in all honesty its ultimately your choice, do take care of yourself and be aware of your surroundings. Ive come to learn about myself in certain situations where I’ve reached that jump off point i could’ve turned back before leaping head first into the deep end. If you believe your solid in your sobriety you can have all the fun with out the substances to enhance the event. just take it easy and be carefull out there, dont hesitate to just say no if your peer pressured
Something I used to do was to have a sober buddy. Not necessarily someone to stay sober with you, but a friend you can trust that’s there with you who knows you’re staying sober now, serious about it, and who you trust to be an additional voice if you’re going to get yourself in trouble. Talk to them about it in advance. Basically someone just to look out for you if you’re about to not look out for yourself. Just the fact that someone else there knew I wasn’t to drink was a deterrent for me - I didn’t want my friend to have to speak up. Pride was a good thing in that case.
And if temptation gets really bad - remove yourself. Go back to your hotel. Sometimes we gotta miss things to protect our sobriety. Over time that becomes less and less, but at the start, it’s important to remember the priority.
Hi Luna - this is a really interesting question you bring up, thank you! Actually the question of sober / dry music and time together comes up pretty regularly here; you are not alone. (For example: Sober Bar, good idea?)
I understand. It feels like an obligation, if not to your friend, then at least to your money, right? Like who are you to spend money and not use it?
“Who are you?” That is really the question here isn’t it?
In recovery we always ask that question (one day at a time). We’ve been numbing ourselves out for so many years that, especially in early days, we don’t really know quite what to do. What do we do for fun, sober? What do we do for friendship, grounded and clear and present? What do we do for ourselves, when we’re not numbing out with our DOC?
It’s one day at a time, a little trial effort and enjoyment at a time. For me I’ve experimented with sketching and woodcarving; socially I’ve been more purposeful about working on friendships: I invite people for walks, I organize murder mystery dinners at my house (have you ever done one of those? They’re awesome & lots of fun). I explore things that speak to me.
Who are you then?
It’s a good question to reflect on here. To help you out I’ll make two observations, just the way things seem to me here:
The idea of attending this 72-hour rave makes you nervous. If you weren’t nervous, you wouldn’t have created this thread. Part of you knows it will expose you to so many familiar places and pathways to using. It will put you in danger. The part of you that wants to be clear, to be your self, to look at yourself in the mirror and feel good about yourself - that part of you is nervous. (The part that’s speaking to you in your ear, saying “it’s fine, just go, anyway you’ll have wasted that money - you spent the money so you have to go! It’s simple” that voice is manipulating you.)
ask yourself: what really happens if I back out? Like, really. Yes the money is gone. But your groundedness, your health, your progress is safe. Could you have maybe made it through? Maybe. But you weren’t sure and you decided, out of care and love for yourself, to care for yourself. To keep yourself safe and healthy. Did you miss something “fun”? Maybe. But you can also explore new or different fun things. Will your friend be bummed? Maybe. But your friend, like any real friend, will understand that you’re doing this for you, and your friend will support you.
There is always a choice. Choices are always about giving something up, and choosing something else. The reason we make the choice is because we decide one thing is more valuable or more important than the other.
You’re a good person Luna and you deserve a safe life where you are present, living your life, in a way that you feel good about. You deserve that Take it one day at a time and remember: the important thing is to be aware of yourself and your needs. If you take care of those, the rest takes care of itself
If you have any reservations at all about using, you are setting yourself up for the perfect opportunity to do it.
All it takes is a moment to act upon that reservation.
Years ago, in early recovery I had a friend who was having a bachelor party. I felt like I needed to go. I had recovery friends phone numbers that I could call if I needed to. I was able to go and stay sober. It wasnt that fun. watching everyone else get loaded wasn’t fun. I didn’t stay long.
A rave party, at least when I went to them usually had a cover charge that included drugs.
Las Vegas would be filled with alot of excuses to participate. Its Sin City. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas would all give even the slightest reservation a reason to get bigger. Add peer pressure to that and it could get bigger.
My friends who still “party” love to tell me I wasn’t that bad. Being in a rave environment would not be in my best interests for my recovery. I feel out of place when I’m the only one in any kind of setting who isn’t getting loaded. If I’m close to home it’s easy to leave. If I’m in Vegas I’m a lot more likely to start thinking one-time won’t hurt. Its Vegas!
I went to Hawaii. I paid for the trip with money I had saved not drinking. I went with a date. I had a tiny reservation about drinking with her if she wanted to. I did.
The tiniest reservation about using will get you loaded when the opportunity happens.
It’s too risky to do drugs at raves because you never really know what you’re getting. One time could be your last time.
It sounds like a bad idea to me.
We can go anywhere sober. We have to protect ourselves. Ultimately, I am responsible for my recovery.
After the bachelor party I stayed sober for a long time. I ended up drinking again. Reservations about drinking got me that time too.
I guess for myself, I would ask which is more important…money already spent or my sobriety. For me, 100% it would be my sobriety. That said, it is your life and your decision and you definitely have lots of good suggestions here already. I will add my suggestions, choose as you will…
Not going. Think of the money as your final loss from alcohol and drugs. Just another bad decision when the drinking and drugs took over.
Go to Las Vegas and the minute you start worrying, obsessing, feeling off or nervous…get outside, get on here and ask for help…then get to your hotel room or someplace more peaceful (Vegas…hmmm) and remember why you wanted to get sober.
You cannot expect your traveling friend to have your back…kind of vice versa since you are the sober one. Take that job seriously and keep an eye on your partying friend…but do not jeopardize your sobriety for their party.
Drink only your own bottled water and unopened waters/soda/seltzer. Stay hydrated. Dance awkwardly and lovingly sober!!!
Go to Vegas…don’t go to the rave…do something else that isn’t going to mess with your sobriety.
Here are some ideas on fun things you can do sober in Vegas, not all of them are expensive…
Since use decided on going… the only things I could maybe suggest is taking “breaks” away from it if u can, just a quieter spot if possible to recoop if u need a break. Maybe phone numbers for supportive help if u need to chat. And then trust ur instinct and gut… if u feel like ur going to use, it is okay to walk away when I hae gone to functions where people were getting wasted (I never go anywhere where there is drugs), I just leave early. It’s weird bcuz I can never stay fot that long. I just can’t handle the behaviors and speech and whatnot now that I’m clean lol
Raves were my thing- couldn’t think of anything worse than being with people chewing their faces off talking shit to me
If somebody offered me a 140mg pill I’d struggle to say no, I used to be into them that much I had a marquis tester and was a reviewer on pillreports.com
I’m planning on going to some festivals this year. But I will be four years alcohol free (and more years drug free) by then.
I starred going back out there properly after lockdown last year so was pretty comfortable in my sobriety. I did go to a few parties in my first couple of years but nothing too intense. Then there was lockdown, ha.
For me the important thing is having music I LOVE. Being in a big bassy room is basically my idea of a spiritual experience. And dancing is my happy place.
Seeing loads of people chewing their faces off can be a massive buzz kill. Makes me feel really gross about how I must have used to look like. And sometimes actually quite concerned for people.
Also I don’t have the same staying power. But I enjoy it for as long as I enjoy it and then leave.
Like others have said, just cos you’ve spent the money, doesn’t mean you have to go. It’s absolutely a choice. You will save up the money again in no time being sober. There will 100% be more parties if you’re not ready this time.
Only you can decide if its really what you want to do right now. Or if going is basically setting yourself up to have an excuse for a relapse.
You guys have given me so much good advice, even if it is not necessarily what I want to hear. It gives me not only a lot to think about but so many good questions to ask if myself. Instead of being sure that I “had” to go I’m now considering just taking the L. I’ve been to raves sober before but it was just a choice for the night and not necessarily because I was trying to change my life. I’ll come back to this thread at some point to see how this all pans out. Thank you guys truly
I see you got some really great advice. I just wanted to say.
My husband wants to go to Vegas this year for a MMA fight and just to see the sights. I told him I can’t go. I don’t trust myself at this point to go to a place full of drinking and not drink. I suggested he take his best friend from back home and he completely understood. I think he will have a better time with his BF anyway.
I just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone in choices like this
I had 8 years sober and after year 3 i used to go to pubs and bars all the time, i must stress that this was with very close friends/family that didnt drink the way i did and sometimes only had one or none whilst out in my company, i would not stay out late and for me the environment in which i chose to go in and the people i chose to go with made it a safe bubble for me. And also it was nice to be able to be designated driver and make sure everyone got home safe
But may i also stress after 8 years i thought i could have just 1 and within a few weeks i was back to like i drank before i ever gave up.
Please be careful and make sure you have a supportive bubble (i am not talking about covid-19 bubbles)
Where if temptation pops up the people in your bubble care and understand it may be time for you to leave and do something else together.
If you check out a group called The Wharf Rats they will be able to hook you up with safe sober dancing space if they are at that event. Look for yellow balloons and a table with people hanging out. Their motto is “You don’t need dope to dance.” I love seeing shows sober! It’s a whole new level! Have fun and have an exit plan and use it, if shit gets squirrely.
Also it is a few months off, so no need to decide yet. Unless your attendance affects your friend… Then a conversation about to see what they think might be helpful?
Also, you could look at this a different way. If you do go, that will still be a choice for that night. Regardless of your general plans for sobriety and life. That’s the whole point of one day at a time right? Not getting lost in the future, taking each day as it comes etc
just take it easy and be carefull out there, dont hesitate to just say no if your peer pressured
Take it one day at a time and remember: the important thing is to be aware of yourself and your needs. If you take care of those, the rest takes care of itself 
when I hae gone to functions where people were getting wasted (I never go anywhere where there is drugs), I just leave early. It’s weird bcuz I can never stay fot that long. I just can’t handle the behaviors and speech and whatnot now that I’m clean lol
