I’ve been sober quite al few years and was recently told my wife wants a divorce. My mental health is
Struggling a bit. Any advice ?
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I’ve never gone through a divorce so I can’t provide too much feedback on that, but what I can say is that you will be able to deal with it better the more sober you are.
Using won’t help and will make things more worse.
Just keep staying sober.
Given the circumstances, it will be hard, but you will be better able to handle it while sober.
If you want to try and save your marriage, then staying sober will definitely help with that, versus the opposite of not being sober which will bring on a divorce much quicker.
Staying sober doesn’t necessarily mean you will save your marriage, but it’s through action that we can show our significant others that we have changed. It doesn’t guarantee to save one from divorce, but it’s about putting forth your best self.
For yourself and others.
Some are sober and have never gone through an addiction and still get divorced.
But what I do know for a fact is you will be better equipped to handle anything that comes your way sober.
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I’m sorry to hear about that; it is really a heart-breaking thing to hear; to be facing divorce is a kind of pain that strikes deep. I’m so sorry for that 
A marriage is like building a boat together: the better you both build it and the more regularly you both maintain it (together - the work is always shared work; marriage building and maintenance can’t be done solo), the longer it lasts and the stronger it is. And with a strong, well-maintained boat, you can travel anywhere, to any harbour; and you can withstand any storm in any sea.
Maintaining a marriage can take a lot of different forms but for me and my wife (17 years, including working through some very rough spots), it has involved regular counselling (sometimes yearly, sometimes monthly, and in a few cases every two weeks; we still see a counsellor for ongoing communication coaching). We are also actively involved in our community. We take time every day to check in emotionally: what was hard today? What are you grateful for today? And we listen non-judgmentally.
In your case one important thing to remember is the only choices that belong to you are your choices: you choose to stay sober and clear so you can be present for yourself (to stay healthy and working your recovery), and also for your kids. You may also choose to get some individual communication coaching - visit a relationship counsellor and ask to learn how to communicate and listen; or you can learn to communicate in many free recovery group programs (Resources for our recovery) - then begin some conversations with your wife while you listen with acceptance and empathy, and without judgment. All those things are choices you can make now, and they are all things that will have a constructive impact. What will happen next is not clear but the fact that you will choose healthy, helpful choices is clear.
Don’t give up. You are not defined by your marriage, though it is a big part of your life; you are defined by your choices. You can choose to learn how to be the person you want to be (those recovery groups are helpful with that).
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Welcome to the forum @Kash533
I can relate, I went through a divorce 2 years ago and it was a strain on my mental health.
Its a very upsetting time, try and have 1 or 2 people you trust to confide in, look after yourself well eating, hydrating, sleeping.
Its painful because you’ll feel everything but try and remember the feelings and situation won’t last forever, it passes and becomes a memory and you gradually move on. 
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Thank you I needed that.
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Hope things have worked out for you buddy… For me it was not just porn but also drugs and alcohol.. .alcohol is still an issue 
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how r u? Hope u r doing fine xxx 
Currently going through divorce proceedings and just the emotions and feelings stemmed alongside it and not reached out had caused me to relapse. It was met with A LOT of what-ifs and shoulda couldas on my end. I’m still working through it all as things continue and I’m learning despite it all to continually work on me, my program and helping/supporting others.
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I am touched by your post. I am fighting so hard not to be forced into a divorce. I understand but can’t imagine the emotional side of what you are going through. Thank you for sharing. So glad you are back with us.
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It’s been a rollercoaster alright. Literally having to take it one day at a time and toasty was DEFINITELY one of those days because resentments were had, buttons were pushed, and triggers were all around
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