Sobriety-Family-Covid

Milestones
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I have never posted before and honestly don’t know where to begin! So I guess I will start with I didn’t drink my entire life till I hit 40. When that train left the station it was like one of those especially fast trains we see in other countries. I never looked back!
Several months ago I noticed my feet tingling and then hurting. (Sign #1) Shortly after that everything I tried to eat stuck in my throat, tasted funny, smelled funny, till I wasn’t eating anything but broths. (Sign #2) Then the vomiting started and wouldn’t stop! (Sign#3)
Three signs seemed to be the charm! After being pushed by my husband I contacted my doctor who said go to the ER immediately.
In the ER I could here the Doctor in the hallway refer to me as the “alcoholic” in room 18. I laid there with several IVs crying. With Covid my husband couldn’t come in with me, so I cried some more. An ambulance took me to another hospital where I spent my time getting bags of fluids, vitamins and minerals, and they babysat me when I used the restroom or had to eat. I was told I was malnourished, dehydrated, and had Alcoholic Ketoacidosis.
That day was the last day I had a drink. Today marks my 30th day sober…
It’s been very hard for me. My husband still drinks and is one of those super paranoid Covid people. He watches the news non stop and rants about it all day long. He got his doctor to write him a letter so he doesn’t have to go to work. Which is super stressful as I already worked from home and now he and my son spend the days arguing or my husband being a walking CNN broadcast!!
I dread getting off work and sitting in the room with him while he has his bottles with dinner and I am off to another glass of water. I find I’m glaring at him furious. He is oblivious to this, but if he manages to notice my anger he does the whole reverse psychology on me and makes me the bad guy.
I’m exhausted of this fight. I know I need to stay sober for me, my work that supports my family 90%, my son, and the rest of my family.
I’m tired of the tears of frustration, doubt, anger, the how did I get here feelings. Tired of fighting my husband with his doomsday attitude on everything, especially Covid. We don’t leave the house and daily he talks about dying about writing a will about what to do with our son. It’s exhausting!!

I just want to roll back time to where I didn’t drink and I had all my friends back. When my family didn’t look at me like I was a loser.

I’m just so tired and fear every day for the rest of my life will feel like this…

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That sounds really rough. I can hear how unheard and unseen you feel - it sounds like you’re in a really tough spot.

You’ve found the problem. You know what it is. As people wiser than me have said here, you need to not pick up the drink that matters: the first drink. If you don’t pick up the first drink, there can never be a second or 6th or 12th drink. And your body will eventually recover.

Do you have a sober group you can join? There are so many online options:
Online meeting resources

Talking with others in recovery really helps break that feeling of being alone. :innocent:

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Hi and welcome! Thank you for sharing your story.

When my family didn’t look at me like I was a loser.

You definitely are not a loser! You are the opposite You are strong, and working on your sobriety. 30 days is awesome!
I love it here; there’s so much support. My husband drinks regularly so I find it challenging, and he often encourages me to drink, as do most of my friends and coworkers, so this place is where I can find those that support me. Stick around, read lots. There’s a daily check in thread, lots of great info on drinking spouses, fun meme threads etc.
Glad you’re here :hugs:

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Welcome! I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through but this is a great forum for advice and a great community of people going through the same thing.
Know that this will pass and eventually we (and your husband) won’t have to worry about COVID like we do today.
Take your sobriety one day at a time. Especially for me, if I begin to think about not drinking in a week, a month, a year… I become easily overwhelmed.

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