Hello, this is my first post. I don’t think I qualify as an alcoholic, but I am definitely a problem drinker. I’ve said so many times after a bad issue with alcohol “I am going to stop drinking” and I do. I’ve went sober for 90 days once, then 180 another time, then 365. Then times passes and I decide, "hey, I’m ok, I can moderate. And I moderate for a month or so, then I get back into heavy drinking.
I got drunk on Friday night, and apparently I “stalked” a couple of old exes online (from several years ago that I hadn’t even spoken with since) and contacted them through their work emails. I have no idea what I said to them, and I feel very embarrassed. one of them responded and I didn’t even read it, I just deleted it, for fear of what they said or I said. (I was definitely a love addict, which I’ve been sober from for quite some time now).
I feel so much shame for this. Especially because I felt I had come so far in love addiction recovery to have it thrown out almost in one night of drinking. I feel like I can’t drink any alcohol at all, even light wine or beer. And it makes me so angry. I wish I could just be normal and not have this addictive personality!
I am glad I’ve never had a DUI or affected me or some else physically by getting drunk. But screwing up socially just feels SO uncomfortable to me.
Hey welcome to the forum, it’s a good day to start back on the sober path, I also never thought I had a problem for a long time. I’ve done pretty much the same shit as you, with texting random girls saying shit I shouldn’t, you’re right it’s embarrassing expecially when you live in a small town, now you don’t have to call yourself a alcoholic I like to just say addict, or well if ppl ask I say I just didn’t like it anymore. But the fact you’re here, and Q’s these thoughts and actions and already answered you’re Q’s with not being able to moderate is well technically a alcoholic. But either way you came to the right place, alot of good awesome ppl here, and yeah man life is good without that drink and embarrassing are selfs, and btw you are normal dude. And strong for wanting to better yourself be easy on yourself
Welcome! And to a fellow turtle-person, I’d guess by your username only you can decide if you identify as an alcoholic. Maybe more reading on here, and reflection can let yourself know whether you think you are or you’re not. In my experience, my problem drinking was progressive and just got worse with time and as I got older. It made me angry too at first- to realize and admit to myself, “shit, I am an alcoholic…and if I am going to get better from this, I have to give it up for good…” but thanks to aa, I learned I don’t have to give it up “forever,” I just have to ensure I don’t drink today…then I simply do that again tomorrow. And now I have accepted it. And I actually feel tremendously grateful for the journey of sobriety. Thank you for sharing with us, that’s a big first step toward making a change. Best wishes for you to continue finding peace and serenity!!
I hear you. It is hard when we look back with shame on what we’ve done. We know it was wrong. We don’t want to be that person.
Shame is a good sign. It means you see a problem and feel you should change. It’s a good time to decide if you want to be sober. Ask yourself: how much do I want to be in control of myself and my life? How much do I want to be someone I respect?
Anger is good. Anger happens when something is wrong. Anger is a catalyst for change, if you recognize it & use it.
Your personality is your personality. It grows and evolves, and you can develop, but for whatever reason, we have certain tendencies. One key thing in recovery is we need to live life according to life’s rules - we don’t get special rules for us. And that means we need to be fearlessly honest about who we are, what we’ve done, and what we want to change.
You’re angry. Good. What do you want to change? How bad do you want it? Because you have a choice now. You can be the person you say you want to be: someone who respects themselves and others, who lives life in appropriate boundaries. Or you can be someone who wishes they were that person.
Which one do you want to be? (Let me say, I know you can be both. I know you’re capable. What I’m asking is do you want this change.)
Have a look at some of the resources here & see if any of them speak to you. Don’t get too hung up on labels at this point - don’t worry if you’re an “alcoholic” or not (who cares? Is there a problem? Ok. Let’s deal with it.) - just listen in on some of the meetings, hear what people have to say, don’t feel pressured, just reflect: Online meeting resources
Hello and welcome to the forum. On this forum there is a subject on that and what I have learned because it has crossed my mind of drinking moderately if I spelled that correctly, Is that you really can’t a lot of the people say the same thing like you start with one or two for a little while and than go full blown. They drink like they never stopped. I have to congratulate you on 365 days that’s a lot and I am glad you are here sharing your story with all of us keep fighting and stay sober. By the way I have done that before text my ex’s when I was drunk, one came back and we met up in a hotel and did it one last time so it worked out for me I guess. Saty safe and sober.
I relate to your post so much! I don’t drink everyday or seek out alcohol… but when I do drink I take it way too far each time. If I’m going to keep my relationship and my self worth, then I have to give up drinking for good. I’ve given it up before and thought “yeah I can totally drink again in moderation” haha NOPE. I wish you well on your journey and things will hopefully seem more clear soon
glad I’ve never had a DUI or affected me or some else physically by getting drunk.
I know that I never physically hurt either of my parents but man did I hurt them, damage is caused is many ways…
The fact that you wouldn’t open the response from the drunk message you sent seems like you know what you wrote was not something you would do sober and may have caused the other person harm?
That is probably it. I didn’t want to see what harm it may have caused them or could have caused me. This person was someone I should have never been involved with in the first place way back when.
I completely relate to this. Thank you for writing about problem drinking. Try not to be too hard on yourself in the meantime. Clearly you have been successful in the past, so it is completely possible to regain your footing.
I don’t think you should have to label yourself as an alcoholic in order to quit. I don’t think you have have to label yourself as anything. I still hate the term alcoholic. I never felt like an alcoholic, even though technically speaking I think I am one. If someone asked me today if I quit drinking because I’m an alcoholic I would say no.
But no matter what I call myself, or don’t call myself, I know that I can’t moderate my drinking and I know that it was a problem for me. So I decided to make my life more steady, manageable, and happier by not drinking.
only you can decide if you identify as an alcoholic. Maybe more reading on here, and reflection can let yourself know whether you think you are or you’re not. In my experience, my problem drinking was progressive and just got worse with time and as I got older. It made me angry too at first- to realize and admit to myself, “shit, I am an alcoholic…and if I am going to get better from this, I have to give it up for good…” but thanks to aa, I learned I don’t have to give it up “forever,” I just have to ensure I don’t drink today…then I simply do that again tomorrow. And now I have accepted it. And I actually feel tremendously grateful for the journey of sobriety. Thank you for sharing with us, that’s a big first step toward making a change. Best wishes for you to continue finding peace and serenity!! 
