I’m looking for some advice regarding choosing which social situations to attend and reactions when in the social setting.
I’m currently a university student attempting to re-embark on a sober journey.
I’m really struggling with social situations where drinking is prevalent as I often find I have an incredibly emotional reaction as I feel so stressed or left out and I often relapse during these settings - whereas I’ve relapsed less drinking on my own which was the big problem.
I often find it hard to get people my age to take my sobriety seriously, and I understand why because it must be impossible to imagine if you’ve never experienced it, this makes it challenging to be sober as I’m often encouraged to drink.
I’m curious what people did during early sobriety, did they avoid events where alcohol was a focus entirely? Did you have any coping mechanisms? And did you find you found it as emotional as I do?
yes to all that but unfortunately I have to go to a very wet funeral soon so I suppose at some point in our lives we gotta face our fears but I would say if it makes you feel uncomfortable then don’t put yourself in any situation where you might become vulnerable. You are the most important thing right now not someone else’s night out. I have to go to this funeral bc I really want to, in this situation fear of alcohol and not fitting in is the mark of respect I am willing to pay, good luck with your journey.
Nice meeting you Lydia! You’re doing the right thing; it sounds like you’ve looked at your life & you know what you need. It feels unfamiliar because it’s new, and it will take time & effort. But stick with it, connect with others in recovery, and you will find it gets better. Every sober day is a chance to learn & grow with a sober, clear mind - and it’s a rich & wonderful life. Keep checking in here - looking forward to walking the journey with you
Hi!
Actually there’s a lot of pressure to drink when you’re a student. I get that.
I studied in Brussels for 2 years and you know you drink to fit in. But the problem is that you ended up with the wrong people.
I’m not saying that you have only bad person in your life but you have to take a hard look at it. I did. I realized that I didn’t have a lot of friends. I had a lot of hanging bodies to drink with. That’s really not the same.
I would say to stay away from people who pressure you to drink. Because these people are not really your friends if you say you don’t want to drink, nobody has to insist.
Personally I ran away from this place and now I made sure to have the right person on my side. They don’t care if I drink or not. Alcohol or not we have fun together. And yes I’m still a student haha
It’s important but it’s hard. Because we want to fit in. I understand. But trust me it actually didn’t worth it.
So, I would say go wherever you want to but with the right people.
In my experience, avoid the events. Whenever i felt I could go and stay sober, I’d see everyone else get drunk or whatever, and just watching them made me even more confident in my decision to stay sober; as drunk people are not all that fun.
Just remind yourself why you decided you want to be sober, and do what makes you comfortable.
Hi Lydia! I struggle with this a lot being a senior in college. Most of my friends social activities revolve around drinking and smoking weed, and although they don’t peer pressure me at all, I still feel uncomfortable being around them while they’re getting loaded. I also previously relapsed while hanging out with them before getting sober again this time around. It’s really hard and it definitely takes a tole on me emotionally sometimes. My biggest strategy to avoid it is to not put myself in that kind of situation at all. If I know they’re going to be super drunk and partying, I will not go. If I go somewhere and there’s already drinking, sometimes I will just leave and do something else. It’s awkward sometimes, but worth it to keep being sober.
I drank like a fish in college. I was trying to make up for lost time since I didn’t drink in high school. The result of my college drinking included, blacking out regularly, waking up with my hair and face plastered with vomit, hooking up with men I didn’t like, don’t remember and often never saw again, rarely attending classes, bringing home a “college” boyfriend to meet my parents who turned out to not be a college student but instead a multi-state convicted felon, an abortion, horrific fights with friends and more.
What’s done is done but if I had to do it over, I would have done it differently. A little social isolation would have probably made me a stronger and better educated person.
Peer pressure is hell, particularly when you’re younger. Drinkers like other people to drink with them. My two cents is to join clubs that match your interests: cinema clubs, drama, writing groups, sports, etc., whatever it is you like or are interested in. College is a great place to develop new interests. Know that even though it may seem like it, not everyone is drinking, even in college. Look for the interesting folks who know more meaningful ways to spend their time. And exit when things look like they’re going to be pressured or get out of control. No reason to put yourself in situations that will be uncomfortable. Saying “no” or “I don’t drink” is easy for me now but it took a hell of a long time for me to get to that place.
