I had hard bottoms in my past. Almost died. Almost lost my leg. I maybe quit for a week or a month but came back.
This last time I started secretly drinking and hiding it from my husband. He found me passed out. It broke my heart seeing the disappointment. I wanted to quit and join AA and get help right then.
I didn’t get a DUI (I should have - pure luck). I didn’t lose my kids. My house. My husband. Never lost a job.
I feel as if I’m subtly judged for not being “desperate enough” because I didn’t have a “hard bottom.” I desperately want to keep all I have and not once did I have that during my rough times.
I do all the things my sponsor says. I attend meetings. But I feel judged by others because I didn’t have a hard bottom (even my sponsor at times). I don’t think I’m better than anyone - I know that’s where I was headed if I didn’t stop. I am doing all the things and almost have 2 months of sobriety.
Anyone else ever have problems with this sort of judgement?
I understand what you are saying and yes, I have felt that judgment as well. For myself, I try to look at it as the folks with the opinion…well, that is their opinion and it has zero to do with me. They are not inside my head or been traveling my life with me.
We all have different experiences and the jargon of a ‘bottom’…well, it is just that…a word, an idea.
We know how we feel, where we have been, where we are going.
We don’t need to lose it all to feel pain and know we need to change.
I don’t do AA so I can’t relate to judgement from there but I have had people say “you don’t really have a problem”… but I’ve said it a million times - you don’t even have to have a problem to quit a behavior that doesn’t serve you! It sounds like you’ve had your fair share of drinks and now it’s time to move on… to be a better you… the you that you deserve. And sorry for the language but fuck the haters
I take meetings into the jail. When i lead a discussion on bottoms, I make sure to emphasize the difference between consequences and the spiritual and emotional damage we do ourselves. Feeling helpless is feeling helpless, whether in jail or in a mansion.
I didn’t experience judgment in AA but I did with my own family. They all told me, including my husband…“you’re not that bad and you don’t even drink every day”. Thankfully, the ladies in AA can relate and most haven’t lost anything.
I had the same issue actually. I wasn’t drinking when I met my husband and he said I wasn’t bad. I totally was wasted every time we drank and for 3 years I tried. Finally he told me I should quit but didn’t encourage or care that I needed help. Drank in front of me etc. so I started hiding it. At that point I couldn’t quit.
The good news is my husband has finally let go of the idea that I can be a normal drinker and accepted it so I feel support there finally.
But ya AA? Meh. I can tell of my drinking stories in genera but when people find out I didn’t lose a thing they quickly pull away. It’s weird and sucks.
I’m so happy you experienced a wonderful group to help you and I’m sorry your family doesn’t get it
In plain English fuck the judgers. If anyone is judging you they have a problem not you. Recovery is not a contest. And sobriety is a journey not a destination. You do you and don’t worry about anything else. Two months af is really great Jazmine. Keep it up. All the best.
I didn’t have a rocky bottom. Haven’t done the AA thing so don’t have that experience. But it’s something I was conscious of here. My issues seemed so trivial compared to others. I was reminded it is a good thing that those things didn’t happen to me. (Edit, from people who are in AA!)
As others have said, it isn’t a competition. Whatever an individual’s reason for pursuing sobriety, it is hard.
Is there anyone you could talk to about it at the meeting, or is it something you’ve brought up with your sponsor?
I was the same and didnt have a hard bottom so people around me didnt take me seriously… so i didnt either ! Until a few minths later when I was hospitalised 3 times due to intoxication and pancreatitis, subsequently loosing my job and almost ending my relationship. Not to mention the bridges that were burned just from this. So my advice is to take sobriety seriously if that is your goal because things can escalate quickly.
I agree that spiritual bottoming out can be just as painful as any other bottom. I was suicidal. Daisy, don’t think that this is an AA thing. I would look for another group. What you experienced with the judgement isn’t normal.
I did experience it when I first came into the rooms, but maybe in a slightly diff way. Its sad really. Made me almost resent the rooms or at least some of the people in it. Its super sad. Everyones rock bottoms are different and no ones “bottom” that brought them to the rooms, should be judged. I was judged on my age when i came in. There are many forms of rock bottoms also. I came into the rooms at 21 and my god… the amount of people who didnt know my story, but were certain that I didnt have enough of a “using career” for me to have a hard enough bottom. Alot of my bottoms were physical back thdn with overdoses or trauma related stuff but i can honestly say that the last few times i used before cIean this time around were spiritual/mental. And quite frankly, the mental bottom was scary af. It doesnt take long for any of us to reach a bottom and our bottoms get lower n lower n lower overtime. Uv been thru enough for YOU to want help. I applaud u for coming to the rooms when u did. Why should u have to lose ur career or family or posessions or have a DUI etc for u to be accepted into the rooms? They need to be minding their own business and taking their own inventories. Bcuz u deserve to be there at what any point u come into the rooms.
Yeah, I’d also try another group. I hadn’t lost anything either yet, but I was darn close. My experience in the rooms is we all have that spiritual bottom in common, and having somewhere to go where people got that was a big help.
Cuz like Lisa, there were a few in my family that also didn’t get it. “Oh, whatever. You didn’t drink that much.” They had no idea…
It’s best not to compare war stories anyway. We’re all there (and here!) cuz we reached that point where enough was enough. Doesn’t matter the reasons, though we still have a lot in common. We know the cycle and the pain and just searching for peace again.
AA is full of different personalities different opinions i tell my guys the only Bottom issue is to make sure its sitting on seat at a meeting . everyone has their own road to AA some easy some hard but most important is that were all there because drink is giving us a problem ,and if anyone at a meeting questions your bottom tell them they are taking out of it and a oldtimer from scotland will give them a sore bottom lol
Can I also just say that while recognising and appreciating the importance of the subject and conversation, all the bottom talk is making me giggle a little
Soft, hard, physical, spiritual, rocky, mental, painful and sore. What a collection!
