I wondered that about myself at the beginning of my sobriety journey over a year ago. I have not been injured or jailed or fired or hospitalized due to my alcoholism. But I have been sick and irritable and absent from my life a lot. I have regretted time lost and damaging words said. My drinking had negative outcomes for my kids and my first marriage.
Eventually I found so much joy in sobriety that I am just very grateful to have figured out that I needed that change more than worrying and wondering about what kind of bottom I had.
Non judgment is a big value in my life, so Iām just grateful to have found my way here with less suffering than many others have had.
And yes, all this chatter about bottoms makes me giggle too. Mine has always been fluffy. Hehehe
I had a fairly āhigh bottomā (edited to fix my low bottom to highā¦.brain fart canāt figure out up from down!! ) but I think that was more due to luck rather than the severity of my addiction. Iām sure if I had been ācaughtā even just a few times things might have spiraled.
Iāve never felt judged by other addicts for not being bad enoughā¦.if anything itās more like āgood for you for recognizing things before it got worseā. But I have felt ānormiesā judging me because they just donāt think I had a problem. (Honestly, Iāve learned to downplay my problem with normies because Iām tired of defending my sobriety!!)
Ultimately, who gives a crap. If you are working on sobriety then good for you. Who cares if you never lost your job or had your kids taken from you etc. Thatās a GOOD thing and things can only get better from here.
I hit āsoft bottomā multiple times over the past decade. Narrowly avoided DUIs, damaged my personal property but never destroyed it, ruined relationships, and showed up hungover all the time to work but was never reprimanded for it because the company had such a toxic work environment.
Looking back it feels like a devil was stringing me along, keeping me down with alcohol abuse but never enough for me to make positive change. Until one day I finally hit my breaking point and am now 7 months sober.
I did not feel judgment from my sober tribe when explaining what caused me to get sober. My sponsor understands it because he was in a similar situation over a decade ago when he got sober. To me it seems like youre being subjected to a form of gatekeeping, which is especially wrong in this case because we should all be helping each other to get better.
Sobriety is such an odd thing to talk about with others sometimes. I told a friend I quit drinking and her response was āoh Iām so sorry that you hit rock bottomā even though I said nothing about hitting bottom and didnāt even give a reason for quitting.
I hit many bottoms but they didnāt get me to quit. I quit because I was tired of the roller coaster. More than any other thing I think sobriety has taught me to listen better. Everyone has a story, some are gritty and awful and some are more tame but I can learn from each of them. Being able to humbly admit that I am an addict has helped remove some of the judgement from my heart.
Your reasons for quitting are as good as anyone elseās.
I have to say, the biggest ājudgeā for me is myself.
I donāt do AA because itās not possible where I live. But for me, it would shock anyone who knows me to learn how bad my drinking had become. I maintained a very careful faƧade, and was the picture of health (outside). Mom, wife, professional, runner, hostess, baker of brownies for the school sale.
What took to maintain that facade in the past few years was insane. The toll it took on my mental and physical health was insane. My kids saw glimpses of the cracks and I didnāt like it. My husband was the only one who saw maybe 30% of how bad it was. And it was plenty bad for him to be very concerned.
It took (and is still taking) a lot of work on myself to be kind to myself first and foremost, to accept that my ārock bottomā was bad enough for me, and to acnowledge that if I continued on the path I was going, I was going to damage my health further voluntarily, hurt my family deeply, and create a life that was unbearable.
As many said above, do not compare your story to othersā. Do what you need to do to keep sober for YOU.
One thing I love about TS is that all this nonsense of judgement is not here. Never could I have imagined that this forum would be such a key part of my support system for being sober.
Lean on us whenever you need and keep at it. Youāre worth it.
You dont need to hit rock bottom to want to change! You have to do what is best for you- ive spent years trying to be a ānormal drinkerā but what the hell is that?? Oh yea someones opinion!
For me sobriety stops me wrecking full weekends- causing arguments with my spouse- and my kids seeing me wasted.
It was time to change the narrative- amd its hands down the best fucking thing ive ever done!
And isnāt it amazing to have the energy and mental space that used to get āwastedā on alcohol now be available for our real lives?
Humans are both very intelligent and very short-sighted. If we can figure out that we have a problem and can fix it, then letās do that! If we canāt face the problem yet, then we are not yet ready for the solution.
I knew I was drinking too much several years ago. I also knew I really liked day drinking. And night drinking and the occasional weekend morning Bloody Mary or mimosa event. And I also knew it was leading me to trouble. Iām grateful I did not get hurt or arrested or kill anyone while driving. Escaping before very bad damage is no reason to say it wasnāt enough of a bottom. Iām grateful to have figured it out and found the supports I needed. And to keep coming here to affirm the decision.
Saying it out loud has brought me closer to some family members who held themselves away from me in their shame and grief about their own addiction. Or maybe it was because I was not very approachable in my appearance of having my wineglass firmly and politely attached to my hand at all times. And perhaps I looked smug.
Humble. Itās helping me be more kind.
Sober. Itās helping me be free to be more kind.
I like that, Ray.
) but I think that was more due to luck rather than the severity of my addiction. Iām sure if I had been ācaughtā even just a few times things might have spiraled.
