Soft Bottom Judgement

Feel your feelings. I never had 1 either. I just woke up 1 morning and was sick of chasing a vodka bottle and checked into rehab. Coming up on 19 months and I get asked a lot what was your rock bottom. I believe some people can get sick of being sick. What do I know, almost 2 years in and I’ve only been to 1 AA meeting. 1🤷‍♀️

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I wondered that about myself at the beginning of my sobriety journey over a year ago. I have not been injured or jailed or fired or hospitalized due to my alcoholism. But I have been sick and irritable and absent from my life a lot. I have regretted time lost and damaging words said. My drinking had negative outcomes for my kids and my first marriage.

Eventually I found so much joy in sobriety that I am just very grateful to have figured out that I needed that change more than worrying and wondering about what kind of bottom I had.

Non judgment is a big value in my life, so I’m just grateful to have found my way here with less suffering than many others have had.

And yes, all this chatter about bottoms makes me giggle too. Mine has always been fluffy. Hehehe

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:rofl: I like that, Ray.

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I had a fairly “high bottom” (edited to fix my low bottom to high….brain fart can’t figure out up from down!! :joy:) but I think that was more due to luck rather than the severity of my addiction. I’m sure if I had been “caught” even just a few times things might have spiraled.

I’ve never felt judged by other addicts for not being bad enough….if anything it’s more like “good for you for recognizing things before it got worse”. But I have felt “normies” judging me because they just don’t think I had a problem. (Honestly, I’ve learned to downplay my problem with normies because I’m tired of defending my sobriety!!)

Ultimately, who gives a crap. If you are working on sobriety then good for you. Who cares if you never lost your job or had your kids taken from you etc. That’s a GOOD thing and things can only get better from here.

YOU CAN DO IT!!

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I hit “soft bottom” multiple times over the past decade. Narrowly avoided DUIs, damaged my personal property but never destroyed it, ruined relationships, and showed up hungover all the time to work but was never reprimanded for it because the company had such a toxic work environment.

Looking back it feels like a devil was stringing me along, keeping me down with alcohol abuse but never enough for me to make positive change. Until one day I finally hit my breaking point and am now 7 months sober.

I did not feel judgment from my sober tribe when explaining what caused me to get sober. My sponsor understands it because he was in a similar situation over a decade ago when he got sober. To me it seems like youre being subjected to a form of gatekeeping, which is especially wrong in this case because we should all be helping each other to get better.

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Sobriety is such an odd thing to talk about with others sometimes. I told a friend I quit drinking and her response was “oh I’m so sorry that you hit rock bottom” even though I said nothing about hitting bottom and didn’t even give a reason for quitting.
I hit many bottoms but they didn’t get me to quit. I quit because I was tired of the roller coaster. More than any other thing I think sobriety has taught me to listen better. Everyone has a story, some are gritty and awful and some are more tame but I can learn from each of them. Being able to humbly admit that I am an addict has helped remove some of the judgement from my heart.
Your reasons for quitting are as good as anyone else’s.

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I have to say, the biggest “judge” for me is myself.

I don’t do AA because it’s not possible where I live. But for me, it would shock anyone who knows me to learn how bad my drinking had become. I maintained a very careful façade, and was the picture of health (outside). Mom, wife, professional, runner, hostess, baker of brownies for the school sale.

What took to maintain that facade in the past few years was insane. The toll it took on my mental and physical health was insane. My kids saw glimpses of the cracks and I didn’t like it. My husband was the only one who saw maybe 30% of how bad it was. And it was plenty bad for him to be very concerned.

It took (and is still taking) a lot of work on myself to be kind to myself first and foremost, to accept that my “rock bottom” was bad enough for me, and to acnowledge that if I continued on the path I was going, I was going to damage my health further voluntarily, hurt my family deeply, and create a life that was unbearable.

As many said above, do not compare your story to others’. Do what you need to do to keep sober for YOU.

One thing I love about TS is that all this nonsense of judgement is not here. Never could I have imagined that this forum would be such a key part of my support system for being sober. :heart:

Lean on us whenever you need and keep at it. You’re worth it.:heart:

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You dont need to hit rock bottom to want to change! You have to do what is best for you- ive spent years trying to be a ‘normal drinker’ but what the hell is that?? Oh yea someones opinion!

For me sobriety stops me wrecking full weekends- causing arguments with my spouse- and my kids seeing me wasted.
It was time to change the narrative- amd its hands down the best fucking thing ive ever done!

Stay true to yourself :rose:

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