I didn’t experience judgment in AA but I did with my own family. They all told me, including my husband…“you’re not that bad and you don’t even drink every day”. Thankfully, the ladies in AA can relate and most haven’t lost anything.
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I had the same issue actually. I wasn’t drinking when I met my husband and he said I wasn’t bad. I totally was wasted every time we drank and for 3 years I tried. Finally he told me I should quit but didn’t encourage or care that I needed help. Drank in front of me etc. so I started hiding it. At that point I couldn’t quit.
The good news is my husband has finally let go of the idea that I can be a normal drinker and accepted it so I feel support there finally.
But ya AA? Meh. I can tell of my drinking stories in genera but when people find out I didn’t lose a thing they quickly pull away. It’s weird and sucks.
I’m so happy you experienced a wonderful group to help you and I’m sorry your family doesn’t get it
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In plain English fuck the judgers. If anyone is judging you they have a problem not you. Recovery is not a contest. And sobriety is a journey not a destination. You do you and don’t worry about anything else. Two months af is really great Jazmine. Keep it up. All the best.
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I didn’t have a rocky bottom. Haven’t done the AA thing so don’t have that experience. But it’s something I was conscious of here. My issues seemed so trivial compared to others. I was reminded it is a good thing that those things didn’t happen to me. (Edit, from people who are in AA!)
As others have said, it isn’t a competition. Whatever an individual’s reason for pursuing sobriety, it is hard.
Is there anyone you could talk to about it at the meeting, or is it something you’ve brought up with your sponsor?
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I was the same and didnt have a hard bottom so people around me didnt take me seriously… so i didnt either ! Until a few minths later when I was hospitalised 3 times due to intoxication and pancreatitis, subsequently loosing my job and almost ending my relationship. Not to mention the bridges that were burned just from this. So my advice is to take sobriety seriously if that is your goal because things can escalate quickly.
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I agree that spiritual bottoming out can be just as painful as any other bottom. I was suicidal. Daisy, don’t think that this is an AA thing. I would look for another group. What you experienced with the judgement isn’t normal.
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I did experience it when I first came into the rooms, but maybe in a slightly diff way. Its sad really. Made me almost resent the rooms or at least some of the people in it. Its super sad. Everyones rock bottoms are different and no ones “bottom” that brought them to the rooms, should be judged. I was judged on my age when i came in. There are many forms of rock bottoms also. I came into the rooms at 21 and my god… the amount of people who didnt know my story, but were certain that I didnt have enough of a “using career” for me to have a hard enough bottom. Alot of my bottoms were physical back thdn with overdoses or trauma related stuff but i can honestly say that the last few times i used before cIean this time around were spiritual/mental. And quite frankly, the mental bottom was scary af. It doesnt take long for any of us to reach a bottom and our bottoms get lower n lower n lower overtime. Uv been thru enough for YOU to want help. I applaud u for coming to the rooms when u did. Why should u have to lose ur career or family or posessions or have a DUI etc for u to be accepted into the rooms? They need to be minding their own business and taking their own inventories. Bcuz u deserve to be there at what any point u come into the rooms.
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Yeah, I’d also try another group. I hadn’t lost anything either yet, but I was darn close. My experience in the rooms is we all have that spiritual bottom in common, and having somewhere to go where people got that was a big help.
Cuz like Lisa, there were a few in my family that also didn’t get it. “Oh, whatever. You didn’t drink that much.” They had no idea…
It’s best not to compare war stories anyway. We’re all there (and here!) cuz we reached that point where enough was enough. Doesn’t matter the reasons, though we still have a lot in common. We know the cycle and the pain and just searching for peace again.
Glad you’re here in any case, @Daisymom!
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AA is full of different personalities different opinions i tell my guys the only Bottom issue is to make sure its sitting on seat at a meeting . everyone has their own road to AA some easy some hard but most important is that were all there because drink is giving us a problem ,and if anyone at a meeting questions your bottom tell them they are taking out of it and a oldtimer from scotland will give them a sore bottom lol
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Can I also just say that while recognising and appreciating the importance of the subject and conversation, all the bottom talk is making me giggle a little 
Soft, hard, physical, spiritual, rocky, mental, painful and sore. What a collection! 
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Feel your feelings. I never had 1 either. I just woke up 1 morning and was sick of chasing a vodka bottle and checked into rehab. Coming up on 19 months and I get asked a lot what was your rock bottom. I believe some people can get sick of being sick. What do I know, almost 2 years in and I’ve only been to 1 AA meeting. 1🤷♀️
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I wondered that about myself at the beginning of my sobriety journey over a year ago. I have not been injured or jailed or fired or hospitalized due to my alcoholism. But I have been sick and irritable and absent from my life a lot. I have regretted time lost and damaging words said. My drinking had negative outcomes for my kids and my first marriage.
Eventually I found so much joy in sobriety that I am just very grateful to have figured out that I needed that change more than worrying and wondering about what kind of bottom I had.
Non judgment is a big value in my life, so I’m just grateful to have found my way here with less suffering than many others have had.
And yes, all this chatter about bottoms makes me giggle too. Mine has always been fluffy. Hehehe
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I like that, Ray.
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I had a fairly “high bottom” (edited to fix my low bottom to high….brain fart can’t figure out up from down!! 
) but I think that was more due to luck rather than the severity of my addiction. I’m sure if I had been “caught” even just a few times things might have spiraled.
I’ve never felt judged by other addicts for not being bad enough….if anything it’s more like “good for you for recognizing things before it got worse”. But I have felt “normies” judging me because they just don’t think I had a problem. (Honestly, I’ve learned to downplay my problem with normies because I’m tired of defending my sobriety!!)
Ultimately, who gives a crap. If you are working on sobriety then good for you. Who cares if you never lost your job or had your kids taken from you etc. That’s a GOOD thing and things can only get better from here.
YOU CAN DO IT!!
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I hit “soft bottom” multiple times over the past decade. Narrowly avoided DUIs, damaged my personal property but never destroyed it, ruined relationships, and showed up hungover all the time to work but was never reprimanded for it because the company had such a toxic work environment.
Looking back it feels like a devil was stringing me along, keeping me down with alcohol abuse but never enough for me to make positive change. Until one day I finally hit my breaking point and am now 7 months sober.
I did not feel judgment from my sober tribe when explaining what caused me to get sober. My sponsor understands it because he was in a similar situation over a decade ago when he got sober. To me it seems like youre being subjected to a form of gatekeeping, which is especially wrong in this case because we should all be helping each other to get better.
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Sobriety is such an odd thing to talk about with others sometimes. I told a friend I quit drinking and her response was “oh I’m so sorry that you hit rock bottom” even though I said nothing about hitting bottom and didn’t even give a reason for quitting.
I hit many bottoms but they didn’t get me to quit. I quit because I was tired of the roller coaster. More than any other thing I think sobriety has taught me to listen better. Everyone has a story, some are gritty and awful and some are more tame but I can learn from each of them. Being able to humbly admit that I am an addict has helped remove some of the judgement from my heart.
Your reasons for quitting are as good as anyone else’s.
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I have to say, the biggest “judge” for me is myself.
I don’t do AA because it’s not possible where I live. But for me, it would shock anyone who knows me to learn how bad my drinking had become. I maintained a very careful façade, and was the picture of health (outside). Mom, wife, professional, runner, hostess, baker of brownies for the school sale.
What took to maintain that facade in the past few years was insane. The toll it took on my mental and physical health was insane. My kids saw glimpses of the cracks and I didn’t like it. My husband was the only one who saw maybe 30% of how bad it was. And it was plenty bad for him to be very concerned.
It took (and is still taking) a lot of work on myself to be kind to myself first and foremost, to accept that my “rock bottom” was bad enough for me, and to acnowledge that if I continued on the path I was going, I was going to damage my health further voluntarily, hurt my family deeply, and create a life that was unbearable.
As many said above, do not compare your story to others’. Do what you need to do to keep sober for YOU.
One thing I love about TS is that all this nonsense of judgement is not here. Never could I have imagined that this forum would be such a key part of my support system for being sober. 
Lean on us whenever you need and keep at it. You’re worth it.
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You dont need to hit rock bottom to want to change! You have to do what is best for you- ive spent years trying to be a ‘normal drinker’ but what the hell is that?? Oh yea someones opinion!
For me sobriety stops me wrecking full weekends- causing arguments with my spouse- and my kids seeing me wasted.
It was time to change the narrative- amd its hands down the best fucking thing ive ever done!
Stay true to yourself 
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And isn’t it amazing to have the energy and mental space that used to get “wasted” on alcohol now be available for our real lives?
Humans are both very intelligent and very short-sighted. If we can figure out that we have a problem and can fix it, then let’s do that! If we can’t face the problem yet, then we are not yet ready for the solution.
I knew I was drinking too much several years ago. I also knew I really liked day drinking. And night drinking and the occasional weekend morning Bloody Mary or mimosa event. And I also knew it was leading me to trouble. I’m grateful I did not get hurt or arrested or kill anyone while driving. Escaping before very bad damage is no reason to say it wasn’t enough of a bottom. I’m grateful to have figured it out and found the supports I needed. And to keep coming here to affirm the decision.
I wish you the best!
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Oh my yes.
Saying it out loud has brought me closer to some family members who held themselves away from me in their shame and grief about their own addiction. Or maybe it was because I was not very approachable in my appearance of having my wineglass firmly and politely attached to my hand at all times. And perhaps I looked smug.
Humble. It’s helping me be more kind.
Sober. It’s helping me be free to be more kind.
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