Yeah very true my childhood crush thread was fun but I ended up flagging it myself and getting it deleted out of respect. Shouldn’t bother me who looked at it but it did.
2 Likes
Yes, you are.
1 Like
Derek:
This forum isn’t your litter box, yet many times you (and others 
) come here and take a big shit in the forum. We are all guests here and should try to act accordingly. This morning is a prime example and I will out myself as one of the people that flagged you and others in the atheist thread. What was the point of the thread — to prove a point? While I am grateful that you do that rather than other more destructive behaviors in IRL that could lead to you picking up, that doesn’t absolve that sort of behavior. Do you want to be clean and sober or right?
You have the choice to participate in threads you find bothersome. Rather than say your piece and let it go, you double down and keep at it until it spirals out of control. Today isn’t the first time and I am pretty sure it won’t be the last.
You hold yourself out as a member of particular programs here on the board — is that the type of example you want people to associate with those programs? The same goes for those that claim to be religious and then engage in vitriolic commentary. Why in sam hill would anyone want to be a part of programs and religions that support or maybe even encourage such behaviors? Do you want your message that you carry to others to be — i may be clean and sober but you don’t want what I got?
We are addicts and alcoholics – we can be an unruly mob driven by passions. Yet, as clean and sober people, each of us chooses whether to participate in sophomoric behavior or address issues in a sober manner. I know and appreciate that we have bad days – but some of us have a few too many bad days to simply chalk it up to bad days.
Well the first days are the hardest days, don’t you worry any more,
Cause when life looks like Easy Street, there is danger at your door.
Think this through with me, let me know your mind,
Wo-oah, what I want to know, is are you kind?
21 Likes
This really isnt that difficult.
You can be blunt without being rude.
You can disagree without being disrespectful.
You can be informative without being self righteous.
You can be encouraging without being negative.
You can be offended without being offensive.
We’re all adults and with that should come a certain maturity and an awareness about the things we say and the way we opine over things - everyone should have the right to voice their opinion; no-one should have the right to be a dick about it.
13 Likes
I think this can be problematic because (1) it can descend into a heated back and forth when neither are in a mind set to to budge, and (2) when there is bullying of people for flagging, it can create more of a bullying atmosphere. I have found that when I call out things, I have been called over-sensitive and a snowflake, or swore at and abused.
Sometimes I will tell someone privately there is a problem, sometimes I will flag and post publicly that I have flagged and why, and sometimes it is problematic for me to engage directly with the individual and I just flag for mod attention.
Whilst it is good to encourage problem solving, I don’t think it can safely be a requirement.
6 Likes
You’re right. It isn’t my job to defend, nor offend, other members. If having me removed from the forum is a solution I’d be willing to entertain it.
Good points.
Yes to this. Death by committee is a phrase for a reason. Clear rules and an opportunity for people to politely challenge decisions/ have the opportunity to understand why decisions are being made is what is needed and probably for the most part these are in place. I also think the main issue is not enough active mods to keep up with the significant increase in active members.
6 Likes
Walking away is the easier softer way.
I would prefer to see you and others make amends by amending your behavior rather than walking out. You have tremendous ESH to offer others here when you keep the focus on you. I don’t overlook that in the least.
5 Likes
10th step it is then. I think you know the amount of respect that I have for you and will always consider what you say. I fact I respect everyone here. However, I do not respect all opinions, as others do not respct mine. That is my character defect that needs to be addressed. However, absent any negative encouragement from myself, there’s going to be issues on this forum. I think it warrants a look, if only to save sassy
1 Like
Since it’s clear that some of us may be assholes at times is it possible to get an opt-in category called “fuckin about” similar to the seeking help category. We would be shielded from members who choose not to see it. That takes the burden off people to hide a ton of threads
I dont think its a character defect to not respect some opinions. Some opinions are stupid. Whats a defect is feeling the need to address any opinion you dont like. As soon as you see a thread mentioning AA negatively you should just mute it. That seems to really be your trigger.
2 Likes
There’s plenty of non-AA threads I follow because they are well written and though out. Your methods for example. I know you ain’t an AA guy, but I take a lot out of what you say
2 Likes
Yes. It’s been so long since I joined but I am not certain I was ever prompted to read or agree to guidelines (might have been). Also, I didn’t know until about a year ago that it was a 100% public forum. Reading some new member info/posts and seeing their profiles, I am sure a lot of people don’t know.
When someone posts, “No one knows about my drug problem.” and their profile is wide open and their username is their name, you can be pretty sure they don’t know.
1 Like
Opinions are like assholes, everyone has at least one – and they are none of my business.
Your point of addressing the issues here is not wrong, but you can’t throw gas on the fire and claim to be helping. I have been told that I don’t have to like everyone, but I have to love them. With that love, comes tolerance of those who are sick and suffering. The prayer of St. Francis of Assisi seems particularly appropriate here.
The Prayer of St Francis of Assisi:
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace
Where there is hatred, let me sow love
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith
Where there is despair, hope
Where there is darkness, light
And where there is sadness, joy
O Divine Master, grant that I may
Not so much seek to be consoled as to console
To be understood, as to understand
To be loved, as to love
For it is in giving that we receive
And it’s in pardoning that we are pardoned
And it’s in dying that we are born to Eternal Life
Amen
12 Likes
But start muting ones that are like “The cult of AA” or nonsense like that. When I see those I only click them to search for your response😂.
5 Likes
People are free to their opinions. In my own humble opinion, it’s against the spirit of this forum to disparage any program that may help another though.
To me it’s more interesting what’s helping people stay sober and why.
Anyway… tangent!
4 Likes
I do hate when I see ones that try to tell people not to go to AA. Personally I don’t go (for religious reasons believe it or not😅) but I think you should never discourage anything that could help someone get sober. When i first started commig here I use to say I would cheer someone and walk backwards with them if they thought walkig backwards was the only way they could stop drinking. If threads like that are allowed to be opened then its best to just mute them. Maybe a rule should be “No threads discouraging a program or method”?
3 Likes
Not so sure it needs to be a rule. “Staying in the solution” (constructive) was something I honestly didn’t understand until coming here and getting sober myself though. Still takes effort.
Huh, guess this is in the spirit of this thread!
1 Like
After talking with the wife, I’d consider becoming a mod.
25 Likes