I’m a 31 year old woman who’s been trying to give up drinking for good for years and years. I relapsed last night and it was really bad. Lost my phone and keys, had to get a locksmith to let me in my place. Covered in bruises I don’t remember how I got and the only friend I have is angry because I can’t keep the promises I make that I won’t do it again, because how could I keep my promises to him when I can’t even keep the ones I make to myself? I have gone without drinking for up to a year at a time but it always gets me in the end. I feel like I don’t even deserve a friend. I have no family at all and I have chronic insomnia/nightmares from a rough childhood, and all of this just makes staying sober really difficult. I feel like such a dirty person, all my neighbours think I’m an asshole because of this. Im known as the useless drunk in my area. I don’t know how I’ll ever feel like a normal person.
Hello Hana, welcome to Talking Sober. We’ve all felt that deep despair, that feeling of worthlessness. Try to remember, you’re not a weak or bad person, you’re someone with a disease.
I got sober one day at a time. I would focus on getting a sober head on my pillow that night and no further than that. I went to AA and did what they told me, I went to individual and group counseling, and I took Antabuse. Not all these things at once, but all of them helped me to get sober and be comfortable in sobriety.
You are worth the fight. Efforts made are not wasted. You deserve a happy sober life, and you can have exactly that.
Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey.
Thank you for your kindness and wise words. I’ll take all the blessings I can get today 
Very much appreciated.
I’m only on Day 3 but I think your willingness to really be done has to be there. If you really want to stop, go to a meeting NOW. Seriously, pick up your phone and go to a virtual meeting right now. Just sit in and listen. Take this one hour at a time. Get through tonight. That’s all you have to do at this moment. Big supportive hugs to you. It’s tough but you got this if you really want it.
Sounds like you had very ruff morning. And lot of us have been there in the morning going what the “hell”. But you are worth it. You can do this! Let this be your last day one. Do whatever it takes to go to bed sober tonight. Worry about tomorrow when it gets here. We can not change the past, what done is done. I’m glad that you’re still here with us and are to decide to make change. Remember we only have control over what we do this very minute. Quit for yourself, no one else. You got this! Stay sober today.
Hi Hana & welcome aboard! I feel there is no promise of long term for any of us as we only have today to work on it. Fortunately though, if we keep showing up daily, doing the work & stack those single days, in no time we have weeks, months & years.
Developing a program that works is a bit different for a lot but I think we can all agree that trying to do this shit alone doesn’t work. If we could have by ourselves, most of us would have…
So, the previous recs of meetings, therapy & anything else that keeps us focused on not using or drinking is a must.
If this drunk can do it I know you can, too! Hang in there & see ya around.
Welcome. 
You just keep putting in the work. And if it doesnt work you add something else and keep working. What did you do in your year sober? There are ideas of extra things to do here
What’s YOUR plan?
Feeling like a normal person, well, that is hard to quantify. But you can feel like yourself, and that yourself is enough.
Welcome Hana,
I think shame keeps us in our addiction. Shame is a very powerful weapon for our addict mind to use against us. We are all good people. Well, most of the drunks I know are very thoughtful caring loving people. We just got this one problem. We’re addicted to our booze. We can’t stop.
I bet there is a beautiful person inside there just dying to get out of its misery. You don’t have to live like that anymore. When you are ready. You can make and keep your sobriety one day at a time. It takes work on the daily.
Have a good read around.
Keep an open mind. Ask for help. Yes, ask for help like you are doing now. That’s probably the hardest part. I could never get and stay sober on my own. I needed a good support team. I found that here.
You got any questions just ask. Someone is always around to help.
Welcome Hana 
. As others have stated this is a one day at a time life. We can’t worry about this Friday, or this wedding, or holiday that are months away. Staying in the present moment, grounded to right now is best.
For me personally I didn’t find success until my perception of alcohol shifted. I no longer felt like I was being deprived of alcohol but alcohol was depriving me of my life. Keep coming here, surround yourself with sobriety, work on it everyday and you’ll find success. Best wishes to you
Step 1. Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable.
For me, when I realized that I couldn’t quit even when I wanted to was part 1. Part 2 crept up on me as my alcoholism progressed and the consequences greater and greater until I almost died. My life totally unmanageable (when I try and run the show).
Step Zero (unofficially) is total surrender that you are beaten and willing to do anything to stop…most of which involves getting out of your own damn way and letting God run the show from here on out.
Practically…start going to AA. Get a sponsor. Work the steps. Daily gratitude. Daily prayers. It’s worked for me.
As suggested maybe try ameeting they will help you wish you well
I have done two online meetings today and will continue to do them from home all I can. It helps with the down feeling and all of the accompanying shame that goes with a relapse as embarrassing as this, not to feel like you’re the only person that’s ever behaved this way. Thank you everybody for your kindness and wise words. It’s just hard to see through the fog in the beginning I think. I like in such a small town, i know I’ll be the talk of it for the next week or so. I’ve been here so very many times. I hope I can stay well this time, I’m so sick of this illness taking away any good feeling I may have about myself. Peace and happiness to you all🙂
It’s none of our business what others think of us… do not let past mistakes define you in a negative way. Mistakes create knowledge and growth as long as we’re wise enough to realise them and not repeat them. Keep going, you’re doing great 
People always talk. If it’s not about your drinking it’s about the colour of your shoes 
Focus on you and give they really something to talk about:
Your recovery!
Welcome here, it’s a great place to be beside the circumstances 
I get that you’re feeling really low, but at least some of that is just the aftermath of drinking. If I drink, it takes almost a week before i start feeling good again.
First, thank you for sharing. I had a rough day and reading this made me feel less alone.
Also, if you can go a year that’s already really good. I usually end up drinking once every couple of months, but i used to be addicted to hard drugs, so comparatively i feel like I’m doing really well. From a harm reduction perspective, you might be doing a lot better than you feel like you are.
Relapsing is pretty common, because addiction is a beast. I also have a lot of trauma from childhood, and survivors often end up self- medicating. But my point is that most of us also get better at recovery, the more we do it. Meetings help a lot, of course. Even if you don’t think you’re getting much of of it, i think just going sends a powerful message to our subconcious, lizard-brains that our “tribe” is the group, and that belonging in the group (and hence our survival) depends on sobriety.
Also, if you can get a sponsor, that helps.
Other than that, i think it’s really important to recognize that we often drink because we have psychological needs that aren’t getting met, and figuring out how to get them met is the really hard part. Meetings and step work help for a while, but if you’re bored and lonely all the time, something has to give, eventually.
I’ve been getting really into self-care, lately. I realized a huge part of recovery is getting your health back. You can’t feel good mentally if you’re sick physically. Also intentionally taking care of yourself feels really good. Anything you do has the added benefit of making you feel like, “I must like and respect myself, if I’m willing to do all this.” Protein, excersize, sunlight, water, vitamins. There’s this podcast i love called “adult ADD ADHD tips and techniques” (or something like that. )
Another trick is to have someone else hold your ID, so it’s harder to buy alcohol.
Anyway i hope some of that helps. I’m sure you deserve to have lots of great friends!!
“we only have control over what we do this very minute.”
I’ve never heard that before, but it’s so true and so profound! I love it! Thank you!!
You are certainly capable of success in long-term sobriety as you can see how many people on this app have done it.