Sorry its long but PLEASE READ I just want to break down

I’m so bothered & annoyed at myself rn!!!
I have a few too many habits & only one happens to be drugs. The others are due to psychological issues or disorders & those annoying things I do to myself is how I cope with them when I get that stressed or anxiety feeling but they’re so unhealthy & it usually happens while I don’t realize I’m doing it. I wish I had friends who I could relate to or could relate to me but no I seriously don’t. I’m an outcast in everything in my fuckin life. For a while now I feel like I should get re-evaluated & this time be truthful.
(first time I went, I said “no” to almost all the questions purposely to not have to stay, sleep, & go to school there.)
Even my boyfriend makes me feel like I’m not right even when he’s joking but I know he really thinks those things of me. I honestly can’t handle any of this anymore, I’m frustrated & I just want to stop feeling like this, I feel like complete shit.I wanna just punch everything & cry out of frustration but I can’t. I’m not good at keeping my anger in like I am with sadness so i don’t know what to do. Lately I’ve been thinking if I get some typa help, alot of my problems would go away.
Except, I don’t know how to tell anyone what’s going on with me cause they might think I’m over dramatic. Only my sister who’s about 2 yrs younger than me (17 yrs old), understands because she’s had to stay there for about 2-4 weeks last year. Our other sister pointed out once how for the past few years, we have maybe one or 2 of the same coping & self-defense mechanisms “Both of you do that thing with your arm when something upsets you or you’re stressing”.
She has been doing better though yet I don’t know how to control them.
But she doesn’t like to talk about it & I don’t like talking about these kind of problems, I don’t wanna sound attention-seeking.

Seek professional help NOW- I have a counselor who I can tell anything and everything to-- it such a tremendous relief to get it off your chest

Just to make it clear, I don’t intentionally self-harm, like cut myself… well I don’t know if it is self harming because sometimes I’ll keep doing it until it bleeds or hurts but it’s not on purpose, that’s what the habit is.
& thanks, I kind of want to but my sister said she really hated it & it felt like jail. that’s why I’m refusing

There are tons of outpatient programs available -partial hospitalization or intensive outpatient programs-I went to an IOP and now see the counselor from that program privately every week.

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Can you just give me advice please, ya know til then.
I’m finally frustrated & I just wanna stop this. Opening up face to face is something that’s hard for me. That’s why I’d rather help others when I need it myself.

Hey there @maria_benavides. I don’t quite understand what you are doing…something with your arms when your stressed…is that right? I do this thing with my hands when I have too much adrenaline from excitement or anger…I kind of squeeze them together really hard. I know that it’s basically because I need to release that energy. Exercise would help get that energy out. So would just sitting and focusing on your breathing. Inhale deeply through your nose and slowly exhale through your mouth and just concentrate on the breathing and notice how your body is feeling. It sounds simple, but it does help. It slows your mind down and relaxes you. Try it! I hope that was helpful. You sound like you’re really stressing right now. Feel better girl! We are here for you!


There are a lot of phone apps for meditation- I use headspace which is really good or read … I have become a voracious reader since I stopped drinking and a lot of self help books have really aided in my recovery-- this is about YOU and only YOU- be good to yourself and it’ll will get better I promise- If you need to talk everyone will support you - this is an amazing support system please keep coming back


okay so what my sister mean was she’s sen that we do this thing where let’s say one of us just got bad news so we’re mad or on the verge of crying. We always try to hold back our emotions & we shake our hands or tap our feet like we’re panicking & I don’t know if this is why she does it, but when we’re trying to explain something at that moment we scratch or pinch our other arm like we’re anxious or nervous.
& sometimes if i’m in the room alone or just no one’s noticing what I’m doing, I’ll pick or scratch my arms, face & legs & it looks like I just tried popping a million pimples all over my body,
I’ll scratch my scalp in one place or pull on my hair to see if any strands come out, usually its my baby hairs around my forehead,
or I’ll bite my nails so low & around the skin around it til they start to bleed or burn but I won’t stop til it’s a round shape & have no pointy/ uneven or scratchy edges.
& I can do one or all of these for hours, it’s so frustrating. All I’m left with is burning pain when I’m done messing with anything.
Thank you by the way, ima see if that works, trying won’t hurt

I wish I could meditate, it’s hard but it looks so easy, I can’t concentrate easily.
I love books & it takes me so long to finish them because I’ll read & get distracted & then I’ll forget what I just read so I’ll have to read the whole page over sometimes.
But thanks, of course I’ll keep coming back, I love the support here. It’s the only support I receive but it’s great. You just trying to help me out is what makes me feel better, so I’m grateful

All of that sounds like it centers around anxiety and nervous energy. I have similar nervous “ticks.” You are not alone and you aren’t weird. Maybe it’s related to holding in emotions because I am the same way. When you hold back sadness it sometimes manifests itself as anger.

I don’t really have any advice other than what others have said. Definitely talk to someone about it. Sometimes even just talk therapy can be tremendously helpful. You aren’t being over dramatic. You said that no one understands well let me tell you about what I do so maybe you can feel like someone out there understands.

I have Keratosis Pilaris (which is a genetic condition that makes your skin bumpy). I will pick at my skin and push the keratin out of my follicle (like popping a tiny pimple or extracting an ingrown hair).
If I hit my head on something I have an immediate physical response. It sends me into a rage. I control it but that just leads me to clenching my teeth and fists, shaking uncontrollably for about 15-30 seconds. I used to hit things - like punch a wall - but I rarely do that anymore.
I used to dig my nails into my thighs when I was stressed and upset but that’s probably more intentional than involuntary.
I have social anxiety so anytime I am at the grocery store or in a crowd of people (inside) I have to have something in my hand to fiddle with - like keys. Othewise I will tap my fingers on my palms, dig my nails in, and/or shake my hands.
Another thing I have done in the past is to pick under my finger nails. As if I’m cleaning them out but there isnt anything to clean. And just repeat over and over.

Damn that’s all kind of embarassing to write. But yea there it is.


Also one strategy for managing anger and self-harm (I know that’s a little different than what we are talking about) is to keep a rubber band around your wrist and to give it a little snap when you get an impulse to indulge in whatever behavior you are trying to break.

Maybe give that a try and see if that helps. It might be good to have an alternative handy for when you realize that you are harming yourself or are feeling anxious or angry.


I had a really hard time concentrating at first- went to my psychiatrist and therapist who put me on anxiety meds- i feel like a new person - just something to consider

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Oh my God, Thank you so much for taking the time out your day to tell me that!! I am exactly the same way.
I also have social anxiety & it’s held me back from doing so much. That’s why I have to carry my phone everywhere I go in my hand even if its off or has no service. Just a week or two ago, I think I posted about
how my boyfriends dad held a church group here at our house & they wanted me to participate even if it was just sitting on the couch listening to them sing & pray but I literally started stuttering so bad asking him to just let me stay in the room & ended up crying because they kept trying to force me to go out there but they didn’t understand why it’s such a big deal for me. Especially because I had scabs all over my face from messing with it 2 days before.
& I also do the same when I’m in stores or if my friends run into other friends I don’t know lol
I pat on my thighs & try not to make eye contact & make myself look so awkward if I can’t be on my phone or the ugliest thing I do is bite my nails really bad walking around because I’m nervous. I always have a hair bow on my wrist so I can just look lost in it & play with it. I tried, that as an alternative so many times btw, for some reason it just doesn’t feel the same or I just forget I have them on when I’m angry or upset.
I didn’t think there were people who did that besides bite their nails & pick at their selves but not as bad as I do

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Regardless of how you choose to move forward - what I want you to take away from this is:

  • You aren’t weird or “crazy”, you just have a different way of responding to stress than some.
  • Reaching out on the forum is a huge step in the right direction. I hope it leads you to seek help in other ways in your life.
  • There is no shame in talking about these compulsions and seeking help for them.
  • There is no shame in taking medication to help you manage stress/anxiety.
  • There isn’t one strategy that works for everyone. Just be open to making positive changes and see what works best for YOU.

Too often in our society mental illness is stigmatized. When in reality it’s something that a lot of people struggle with. We are here for you. :blush:


Thank you, I kinda wanna cry.
I hope this isn’t too disturbing for me to say but this just made all the red streaks in my face go down, (from me touching my face so much & irritating it.)
God bless your soul.
Just making sure, when I make long scratches with my nails or tweezers I use to pick at, is the same thing right? I don’t do it alot only when I’m angry or super annoyed & they’re not deep at all, the marks go away in like a day. cause I haven’t seen anything about that


I’m sorry I have so many questions

Yes. Any behavior that you repeatedly exhibit as a response to anxiety and stress falls into the same category. Even if it doesn’t leave lasting physical marks it is still a compulsion. Like how people with OCD tend to obsessively wash their hands - if that makes sense. (OCD is different though and I’m not a doctor). Have you done any research online about self harm, anger management, or compulsive behaviors?


Here are a few links for you to check out:

Understanding the root of the problem will lead you to ways to solve it.:blush:


I, too, pick my skin and scratch my thighs until I leave bruises. Took me a long time to figure out that it was anxiety. I still do it, but not as much as I used to. Meditation helps immensely. Even if you can’t still still and focus at first…keep doing it. It gets easier over time. You’re not crazy, strange, or weird. You are internalizing your emotions and respond to it physically (scratching, pulling, pinching, etc) Take walks, do guided meditation on YouTube (I like The Honest Guys), and talk your feelings out (even if it’s on here for now until you find something else that works)


Thanks both of you. & yeah, I have looked up a few things on it, but they never give the same answer ya know.
& I don’t think I’m weird… but I do think it’s odd. I always thought it was just something people do when they get uncomfortable or idk, something like that, before I knew of all this.
oh, that reminds me, my mom’s counselor (she’s currently incarcerated) told her that all of her children & her sister (my aunt) could possibly be bipolar meanwhile my mom & my aunt have already been diagnosed with bipolar disorder & bipolar II. So she was pretty much right, I guess