Sponsor pushes me too hard ?!

sobriety

#1

Does anyone else have a sponsor that pushes to get together more often than possible? They tend to tell me that without the program I won’t stay sober. I put 2-4 days in a week to the program and took on my own sponsee, made it through the steps, i’m 69 days sober and it is never good enough. She pushes me so hard and expects me to put everything in life aside… I’m caring for a sick mother, getting sober, meeting my sponsee and getting to multiple meetings a week and somehow i am always expected to do more. It causes so much stress. I dont know what I should do…


#2

Your sponsor asked you to take on a sponsee with 69 days sober?
She seems like she is pushing you but maybe she feels your ready for it. Being uncomfortable is hard but it’s growth. Being that she is your sponsor, you really should talk with her and let her know everything going on in your life.


#3

Sounds tough. Do you respect your sponsor and want what she’s got? If so talk to her and explain how you’re feeling. If not, she might not be the right person for you but only you can decide that and whether it’s for the right reasons. Personally, I feel that I’m still in early days of recovery (114 days) and wouldn’t dream of taking on a sponsee. Sounds way too early in sobriety for me but hey what do I know. Good luck with everything x


#4

My sponsor is fantastic and she wouldn’t push me to do something I’m not comfortable with. I’m 38 days sober and while she encourages me to help others out, she also knows I have issues with boundaries. She’s really trying to teach me healthy boundaries and relationships. And it will probably be a while before I sponsor anyone!
I’m cometely open with my sponsor. I would tell her how you’re feeling. If she starts to pressure you or give you a hard time about it, then she isn’t the one for you. You should feel comfortable and safe to talk to your sponsor. If thats not the case find another one. I really connect with mine. And when I have a problem, get upset or angry, I tell her.
I’ve had sponsors where it didn’t work out between us. That’s okay. It hapoens. Just keep looking if you have to. :slight_smile: I wish you all the best. :heart::honeybee:


#5

My personal experience i would not, ask my guys to take on a sponsoree in early sobriety . maybe look for another one , wish you well


#7

She was pushing me to sponsor at 40 days… the entire meeting I go to is pushy like that. The sponsorship part is fine I guess, I have been doing well so far with my sponsee because I know her from a different group but my sponsor also rides me if I havent sat down with her to do more work in a few days. Or if I need a mental health day where the program won’t really help, shes on me about it… as if my mom being sick, me suffering from depression etc doesnt matter. That I should still be meeting with her no matter what because step twelve doesn’t end. I guess my goal here needs to be honesty… I don’t want to hurt feelings :confused::disappointed:


#8

You’ve completed the steps already? I can’t imagine that at all. Don’t you need time to contemplate and meditate on each step as they come?

I don’t have a sponsor but your sponsor is stressing me out.

Ultimately if YOU feel it’s too much then it is too much…for you. Ask her to slow down. If she doesn’t like that then it’s time for a new sponsor. If she tells you you will fail if you slow down then you need a new meeting. I fear all this stress and pressure will only push you over the edge to relapse. Pretty ironic, isn’t it.


#9

Wow! Your number one concern should be your own sobriety and mental health so that you can care for your mum. It sounds as though you’ve got a lot on your plate and you need to make sure you have the time to focus on your own well-being. i wouldn’t worry about hurting anyone’s feelings. A good sponsor should always be willing to step aside if the relationship isn’t working. You can’t control how she will feel but if her ego is damaged by you being open, honest and talking to her she might need to consider how she is working the programme. Let me know how you get on. Stay strong and look after yourself x


#10

As said above, your recovery need to be placed in front of everything else. I have less than 3 weeks until my clean date and I wouldn’t take a sponsee if the tried to cram it down my throat. And this is after only being clean for less than 60 days? Another thing that makes me raise my eyebrow is that you have already worked your steps. I’m a NA guy, but I’m sure AA has something along the lines of a workbook or working guide. If you answer each bulleted item and answer them honestly I don’t know how you could have finished them so quickly. I am in no way suggesting that you didn’t do them, I’m just wondering if they were thorough enough. The steps (or smart recovery) is your chance to take a really good look at yourself and try to bring the negative behaviors to the front so you can deal with them, put them behind you keep marching forward. I hope this doesn’t sound like a rant, but from what I got from your post is that you’re no where close to being ready to sponsor someone yourself.


#11

I am in CA but I don’t know of any working guide, that’s kind of what the big book is… read through the book, do what it says. I did my 4-7 in an 8 hour sit down. It was exhausting but it helped to not get stuck in reliving things by sitting down with her and going through it … apparently the idea (my meeting says) go through the first time quickly to get the medicine in and then more thorough afterwards but I wasnt given any time to go through again? Just jump into sponsoring …


#12

In iop we were recommended not to sponsor for at least a year! You’re still dealing with paws and recovery. Your first year should be stress free and about you finding you. My sponsor doesn’t push me to hard and respects my boundaries. She takes her time working the steps with me too. It’s different for each of us though. Recovery is personal.


#13

I fear this for myself too… it has gotten easier to put the obsession aside but her pushing me makes me want to use…


#14

I don’t even go to AA and I am super stressed out by what your sponsor is projecting on you. Damn, give a drunk a break and chill out.

Again, I know NOTHING about AA, but I do know about getting sober and this sounds like WAY TOO MUCH for early days in sobriety. Follow your gut and continue your program with a less frantic sponsor. We have enough going on in our lives and brains without being stressed out further about how we are ‘doing’ our sobriety.


#15

I’d dump her butt. She isn’t god for heaven’s sakes, cut her loose!


#16

That was my reaction too… Lol.
69 days sober and a sponsee?
Wowza.


#17

That’s just a lot to ask for imo but I’m not her sponsor and idk how there relationship works. It seems like a tall order, to complete all the steps and find a sponsee in 69 days :man_shrugging:t3:. That would overwhelm me.


#18

How long has she been on the program ?


#19

Great question…I don’t understand this need to rush through the program.


#20

Pardon my abruptness, but that you are a sponsor at this early stage is unbelievable to me, and at her insistence (!?), and that she causes you stress at all, are big red flags. I mean, how long has she been sober herself? Punt her and don’t look back. You are No. 1 in your journey.


#21

Wow id be drinking and back on drugs if she was my sponser… she sounds so controlling… it sounds like u have already made ur mind up what to do . X