Does anybody think the AA sponsorship is outdated?
‘Man sponsoring a man’
‘Women sponsoring women’
I think the stereotype that men will prey on women is outdated and unfair and think it is the personal preference of the sponsee to the “individual” they are asking to sponsor them
-What about if you feel more comfortable with the opposite sex?
-What is you’re a gay man / women and might also be sexually attracted to your sponsor / sponsee?
-What if you’re trans and identify different to the sex you were born as?
In my opinion people should have a choice on who is going to sponsor them. Putting limits of the same sex sponsorship is kind of a let down and even some sort of limited freedom.
I’m definite against that.
Well, sponsorship is purely what I would call a business deal, in other words it’s an accountability relationship between two people.
Accountability with possible mentoring, if the sponsor is much more experienced.
Sure, it’s nice to be in contact with Your support group, because then You don’t feel like You’re dealing with hardships alone.
The important part is for everyone to remember the core formula - goal of infinite sobriety.
I get what you’re saying, but my first thought was you tell a lot of deep, personal things during this relationship and some is easier, as a woman, to speak to another female.
Dont think Sponsorship is out dated i only sponsor guys have done for over 3 decades so i think im qualified to put my two pence worth in , as for sponsoring females i do think female to female is right , for me like Darren being babe magnets then it would make working the steps with the ladies a bit difficult lol
To be fair, I don’t think he said that sponsorship was outdated…just the same sex “rules”.
And I kinda agree. In a world so much more open to a non binary view of gender and sexuality I think AA should be open to new forms of sponsorship too. As long as both sponsor and sponsee are in agreement.
These days same sex sponsorship relationships can be just as risky/dangerous as opposite sex.
BUT having said that…no matter gender identity or sexuality it could be good to know that your sponsor may have had similar experiences.
The Traditions are jumping out at me on this.
Mainly the 10th. Says something like AA has no opinion on outside issues. And the 4th I think. Says every group is and of itself. Autonomous
And the fact that Sponsors are not mentioned anywhere in the original literature
My AA does not have rules. Sponsor is not mentioned in the Big Book, it is something that has developed over time, as I understand it. There are many suggestions that are based out of experience, as @Mephistopheles notes.
I know and have many people about having sponsors of different genders, with varying degrees of success, based on their own circumstances. I recently heard an old timer talking about how he does sponsor women, but sets certain criteria around time of sobriety (min 5 years) and possibly other things, so as to not find himself in an entanglement with someone new and vulnerable in sobriety projecting too much emotion on him. I have a lesbian friend who thought it would be alright for her to swap numbers with guys, only to have those guys attempt to play out their fantasies of intimacy with a lesbian. At the end of the day, everyone in our situation is sick, usually in more ways than one.
At the end of the day, everyone just needs to do what is right for them. For me that means currently having a female sponsor, but (as someone who is bi/pan) when selecting who, I had to be mindful of where my head was at and ensure I chose someone who I had no risk of potential romantic entanglement with (real or IMAGINARY).
That’s a suggestion, but each group decides as appropriate. The spirit of the suggestion is pretty clear, to avoid complication from sexual distraction.
My group does not go with the strict binary answer, taking it on a case by case basis, understanding it’s not always binary. We have a sponsor coordinator that’s available to answer questions and help pair people if needed.
I know at least one cross-gender sponsorship near me, and the guy works one of the strongest programs of any I’ve met!
Back when I was in AA, we had a lovely man in our home group. He has since passed
He was an old timer with 50+ years sober. He would on occasion sponsor women, and it was always a very good match. He was quite selective and from my observation, most of the women he sponsored had 5-10 years sober. My sponsor was his sponsee.
I do think it goes by group and even by individual. If it works for the sponsor and sponsee, it’s a wonderful thing.
So the notion being outdated, perhaps. Some of the rules have been adapted over the years. I’m sure through trial and error. Times change.
I’ve always found it easier to open up to a female not bc I’m a male tart and I love myself but I’ve never had a male role model in my life and still don’t have a place for one but I will choose a male if I have to but everyone I ask says no anyway.
The big book is definitely out dated IMHO, but it still works. I prefer a same sex sponsor for myself, but each of us need to make that decision based on our own needs.
I’ve seen men rush to gather around a new younger woman, to the point that it was laughable and other women (myself included) couldn’t get close enough to talk to her. She didn’t come back.
