Decided to start a daily check in for myself. Something and somewhere I can go on a daily basis and just note a line or two or one hundred of how I’m doing. Thought it might be better this way rather than trying to locate my posts in others’ forums. Should anyone else choose to read, reply or just add their own notes that is cool too.
Hadn’t been feeling myself in a while and knew I needed to change up something or I was going to find myself drunk somewhere. I have overanalysed my feelings and have come down to I’m not enough for me right now. I have been struggling with these feelings while trying to return to the workworld after over a year off. Due to Covid related shit I seem to be having an extreme difficulty finding work. I truly believe that what is meant to be will be and when the right door is meant to open the opportunity will present itself. However, I didn’t realize how much weight I give employment; for me there are many satisfactions that derive from being employed and being happy with work. I will continue to browse the job ads daily and can only wait for the right opportunity to present itself.
Because I’m not enough for me right now I have almost constantly been questioning my partner’s desire for me. Thankfully most of the questioning only goes on in my head so he doesn’t think I’m a nutcase like I do lol. Instead of voicing any false concerns to my partner, I try to tell myself all of the positives we bring to each other’s lives. We enjoy a lot of time together and I wouldn’t trade it for anything right now.
If I can convince myself to live in the moment and get the whole workworld thing out of my head, I know I am doing way better than I ever have. Since 1st attempting to quit drinking in July last year I have had two slips and learned a lot from both of them. I am 67 days sober today and am proud of myself for that. I know I will make my next goal as I’m well aware of the triggers and the negative effects of any drinking.
Anyway . . .that’s me for today