84 days. Feeling angry and irritated today. Not good company and need to keep myself in check before I lose it on someone. Looked up and found an in person AA meeting for today and know I need to get to it. I’m trying hard to live one day at a time but the future keeps creeping up and causing anxiety. Think I’m going to crawl back into bed for a while and try to reset my brain. Hope others are having a better 24.
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88 days. Been doing pretty good just living in the moment the past few days. Feeling more love toward myself and feeling better all around. I’m not as focused on the future and it’s good to release the anxiety. It seems the more relaxed I’m feeling, the more love I’m feeling from my partner. He has been really supportive lately and I’m so thankful for that. I really appreciate that he listens to my concerns without jumping at solutions. We are strong enough to withstand whatever is put in front of us.
Tonight we’re taking off to the drive Inn to watch the new Marvel movie. I’m really looking forward to it.
Going to enjoy the rest of the evening and I hope everyone else is doing the same.
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90 days. Today is day one of homeschooling/remote learning and I’m frustrated already. I understand why my partner chose this but at the same time I’m already 2nd guessing his decision. The commitment required for this to be successful is a tough one and I really don’t think it’s going to work. They said if he chooses remote learning for his daughter he can’t switch her back to public school for the year. I really want to talk to him about this as there has been multiple shit shows already today. How do I tell him I think he needs to reconsider and reach out to the school? I’m not too sure how I am going to approach this one and need to do some more thinking. Totally stuck in my head today.
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Huge Congrats on 90 days Michelle! What a nice accomplishment.
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Thanks. . .127 days to my personal next goal😊
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91 days. Today is day two of homeschooling and although it’s going much better, I still have my doubts. We have been told that a return to public school is possible but I almost feel like this would be a failure of sorts. What’s most important is keeping my girl safe and ensuring she is happy while learning.
I find myself losing focus on myself and need to bring that back. I’m doing pretty good at not stressing about the future and living in the moment. It’s amazing how anxious I feel as soon as I start thinking about what ifs. Just wish I could get back to work already. Turns out the awesome interview I had is part one of three. . . whether I like it or not, I’m forced to wait for the next step in the interview process. Trying my best to be patient but so much rides on me finding employment. I will try my best to let things be that will be and stay positive. Just hope I hear something this week about step two.
Putsing around cleaning out the girls dresser drawers today and putting away summer clothes. Still can’t believe that summer is almost over. Where has the time gone? It’s over a year since I had my breakdown and some days it feels like only yesterday. I’m very thankful for where I am today mentally and spiritually and know I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t sober.
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94 days. Been feeling needy and somewhat lonesome again the past couple days. Still not sure if I’m ready to delve into where this stems from, but have an appointment scheduled for the 28th with my addictions counselor. Think I need to journal my feelings again and look at where I’m at at when these times come up. At least today I don’t feel like drinking them away. Not too sure what we’re going to get up to, but heading out shortly for a family outing. Some good fresh air to cleanse the mind.
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95 days. Had some fucked up dreams last night and woke up today in a bit of a funk. I drank on an almost daily basis for twelve years and today I’m having difficulty seeing the negatives. When I drank, I had a house, a job, a relationship and friends all around me. I described myself as a functioning alcoholic. My quitting point was when I had a complete mental breakdown last year. I was totally burnt out and not happy with my life. Since then, I have relapsed twice and made a lot of changes in my life. . . perhaps too many too quickly. I sit here today frustrated looking around for something to be thankful for. For a lack of better terms, I feel like my sobriety is punishing me. I don’t have a job, I have very few friends, I don’t own the house I’m living in and I question my intimate relationship on a daily basis. Except for the fact I’m sober, I’m sitting here questioning what good has come out of quitting drinking, quitting my job, leaving my house and relationship. My appointment with my addictions counselor isn’t until the 28th but I need to talk this out much sooner. It’s not that I want to drink, but seriously questioning why not.
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98 days. Bit of a change this week as my man is in training and I’m at home supervising online learning. A lot less frustration this week and turns out we can get our girl a laptop from the school division 
Been trying really hard to not worry about finding work but it isn’t easy. It’s like my self-worth is riding on me finding a job. It’s the first time since leaving my parent’s house that I haven’t been financially independent and it’s a lil scary. I know my man has got my back but I need this for myself. Hope to hear about the 2nd part of a 3 part interview process this week. I have faith that when it’s time the right door will open but must admit I’m getting a lil inpatient. Trying to see one day at a time hasn’t been easy lately.
Looking forward to going to town for some fixings to make salsa. Got a ton of tomatoes from the garden and it always feels good to prepare and eat what I’ve grown.
Going to make the best of today.
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99 days. One more day and I’ve met my next goal. Today is going to be a good day no matter what is in store for me. Woke up feeling loved and loving.
Many of these have ripened since the photos but today is a salsa making day. Thanks to the girls picks, we have 3 kinds of tacos for the salsa tasting.
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Woo hoo!! Let me be the 1st to congratulate you on triple digits. It’s been a pleasure watching you grow in your new sober life. Wishing you the best of luck with your job situation.
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Thanks so much Lisa07. I look forward to getting to know you better 
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102 days. Spent the majority of the day yesterday on the verge of tears. I really need to tackle self-love as it’s effecting me in way too many areas of my life. I went out and bought post it notes yesterday so I can post positive inspiration around the house. I need to get to the point of feeling and knowing that I’m enough and I’m worth it. I also need to let my guard down and communicate more to my partner about what I’m feeling and how I need him to help me. Some days I feel like I’m just floating around on auto pilot without a real sense of pride and purpose. I vow to myself to make a better effort to regularly attend AA meetings whether online or in-person is irrelevant. While I juggle household responsibility and a job search I need to remind myself that my actions matter today. The moment I start hating on myself is the time I become less productive and an actual participant in my daily life. This journey isn’t easy by no means but it’s well worth it and I’m determined.
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105 days. It’s like I’m lying to myself. I seriously need to get off my ass and so some self care. It’s time to turn the I’ll tries into I wills. I’m lacking motivation to do anything and I find myself sliding down a slippery slope. I skipped my meeting with my counselor yesterday and I’m mad at myself and ashamed. I’m not too sure what it is I’m trying to avoid but I’m sure doing a dam good job of it.
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Maybe you could try making an accountability thread? It’s really helping me
I honestly wouldn’t even know where to start Dutchie. I have come a long way since my breakdown and it’s very rare that I have a day where I don’t take care of my hygiene etc. It’s like I’m stuck in a rut in my life and maybe I’m just bored. I have been actively seeking employment and partially believe this will be a strong pull out of my rut. I’ve never had this much trouble nor time finding a job. I need to keep my mind busy. I’m feeling like there is very little I look forward to and very little I get a sense of accomplishment or pride from lately. It’s like these past few months or so have been a vacation and I’m ready to get back to life so to speak. The terrible part and feeling is that there isn’t much of a life to be had right now. I definitely am not thinking self harm or anything but I’m bored of my own life. I made some extremely drastic changes at the start of my journey and kinda stopped there and then Covid happened. Going to try to make an online meeting or two today. . .let’s say one. . .less expectation. Just missed the 2pm one thinking and possibly overthinking what I’m typing here.
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Attended an online meeting and kept my mind busy with house work. Thinking maybe I have too much idle time on my hands.
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Whoop whoop. . . attended another online meeting but this one really hit home as it was about attaching “happy” to things outside ourselves. I actually shared and spoke about my attachment of “happy” to working. To acknowledge how hard I’m struggling with this allowed myself a new perspective. I need to find “happy” without working. Going to do some brainstorming. . .
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I think we were in the same meeting. lol
Were you on the soul sisters meeting on intherooms.com? Or we were at different meetings with same topic.
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Yep same meeting. That’s the 2nd time I’ve attended a Soul Sisters meeting and really enjoyed it. Acknowledging my struggle in a group helped
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