35 months+ sober. . . I know I need sleep and I will catch up when I can. At the moment my lil mind is processing a lot. In 3 months I will have lived here 2 years. I have come a long way yet struggle to acknowledge it. It still hurts to love a man I was friends with before & after I got sober. I am thankful for our relationship and how I have learned and affirmed myself. I think of my Dad & my cuz everyday & am thankful for their teachings, as I am thankful for the teachings of many who went to the spirit world too soon. I am thankful for the pain I feel in my heart as it’s a reminder of how deeply I love. I miss my pets in the spirit world and am thankful for the cats living with me now. Each of them has brought love, laughter & teachings as I connect with them. I embrace my love for the many connections I have within mother nature and my abilit to access so much from my house. Although I am experiencing some physical setbacks I am still getting up & showing up to live life on life’s terms. I have purged and released so much information regarding trauma, drama & conflict, over my years in this world, that I’m sure it would make other’s heads spin. I continue to fight for the injustices I have been subjected to & am often in a catch 22 or hurrying up only to wait. I surprise myself some days when I put my sober head on my pillow but without doing so I would risk my relationships with my children and grandchildren. That’s something I absolutely refuse to do. Love and laughter make my world go around and my circle is growing 
35 months+ sober. I actually made it through the week without completely losing my cool. I don’t even want to count how many times I was tested as none of it matters tonight. I am more than thankful for the rain and thunderstorms, beginning the wee hours of this morning, and the reprieve and coolness they provided. The events and obstacles of today are behind me & I am thankful for the support I had while traversing them. I am proud of myself as I sit on my back deck soaking up the sounds of nature, sipping my tea & winding down. I won’t drink because I don’t fucken drink & I’ll continue to live life on life’s terms as positively as I can.
I wanted to say that I think you are doing amazing. Well, maybe telling this to myself as well. You say you are stubborn and I think saying this it great. I am stubborn as well, I can be but without knowing that I am when I am I cannot make another choice. Going back, thinking again and maybe change my mind.
It’s good to read your updates here 
Glad to be a part of your daily journey 
Life is better sober. Not easier but better.
Hey Michelle! Great to see you checking in!
I miss you beautiful. When I slow down from traversing all this shit, I REALLY need to catch up on your thread so I know how you’re doing. Please know I miss you bunches and am always rooting for you. 
3 years+ sober & 6 days no contact
The last year was one fucked up rollercoaster ride of emotions. At the end of it all I find myself in a no horse town, alone in a lil hippie house that I ABSOLUTELY love. Recent events have tested and humbled me. The lessons within my experiences have taught me many things and each have come with their own feelings attached. I am learning things about myself that I’m not sure I even knew and am also acknowledging versions of myself that no longer exist. Coming back to Saskatchewan is probably one of the best decision, I made to get sober, although wasn’t recommended within my 1st year of sobriety The connections I have with Mother Earth, Spirits of all kinds within nature and within the spirit world, and a feeling of being "home"are priceless. My ability to see and spend time with my children and grandchildren is something I will NEVER take for granted again nor intentionally jeopardize through my actions or words.
The no contact counting is something I have chose to do, possibly temporarily, to assess my ability to walk away from unhealthy relationships that I have valued due to my unhealthy attachments, like the relationship I got into that started the day after my relapse over 3 years ago. My unhealthy attachments have been a subject on my mind for quite some time. Vulnerability has become a bit uncomfortable, like in my early sobriety, yet I’m surprising myself by who and when I share my thoughts and feelings. I have come to a point in my journey where my addiction and unhealthy attachments have intertwined. As I question the why’s of my addiction and the why’s of my attachments, the answers often are similar or the same for both. As I am facing financial difficulties, I am questioning my attachments to certain material items such as my beloved Jack (my Jeep). My stubbornness is and was having me feel clingy to items, as if letting them go is letting myself down in some way and I am facing several lessons. Many times in my life I have packed up, with basically bare necessities, and started fresh. This time I’m not sure if I should even refer to it as starting fresh as I feel my emotional and mental instability and fluctuations have been a factor for the duration of my sobriety. Yesterday I described where I’m at as my rock bottom, not necessarily having nothing but at the point where I need to “let go and let God.” Much of the instability I have experienced over the past few years hasn’t been within my control and I am accepting the journey and not casting blame. I question if what I’m going through is a lesson that I don’t have control, that it’s my choice to analyze the rollercoaster ride, or just hang on and enjoy the ride!
By the end of this month, there is a good possibility that I will experience a large shift in my life. I am preparing to continue my journey in recovery while traversing life on life’s terms with somewhat unexpected physical and financial obstacles requiring different kinds of change. I’m preparing myself to review my circle of friends and support prior to returning to social media. I’m preparing to put myself "out there"while continuing to enjoy my hermit style of living. I am trying to let go of the feeling I have to prepare . . .I will not drink because I don’t fucken drink and I will not abuse any narcotics or pharmaceuticals because I don’t want to leave this world that way.
Really appreciate this check in. Letting go, as far as it relates to financial security, is so hard. But when I got sober and left my career and corresponding income, my life got so much better. One day at a time!