After 33 years I’ve had a few stints at being sober but it never lasts. I’m a month and a half sober and I’ve got a stag do next weekend. Now I know I shouldn’t go because the peer pressure to drink is going to be insane BUT if I can get through this holiday sober I can get through the rest of my life. I’ve wrote down every reason why I stopped, I’m not letting myself forget the crying and anxiety I would have after a session. At the end of the day its me against me and I know the pros and cons, I know what I should do so If get back on the drink its down to me an no one else. I’m holding myself accountable so its time to face the music you either let yourself down and fall back into your old ways OR you keep that side of you dead and buried. There are two men that I’m looking at in the mirror, the man I look at now, is strong physically and mentally, gym 5am everyday solid as a rock, and the other guy is a disgrace. I refuse to stare at that man ever again. Bring on the challenge.
Good luck! Keep that strong man in your mind, and if you are struggling get away from the group, come on here etc. You can do it but the peer pressure will be immense. You are stronger than that but need to really believe it. Build in your strategies now. Tell them all, be up front. Is there anyone in the group who you can rely on to not let them pressure you?
No it will be relentless but after the novelty wares off after day 1 I will be fine haha
Oh dear 
Well good luck! At least you won’t be the one waking up with one eyebrow or tied to a lamp post!
Unless they are a super super close friend, I recommend giving it a miss
I will be direct here - I’m not meaning to be unkind, just direct and clear:
That’s addict talk right there. Only an addict would think that putting themselves in preventable, unnecessary risk is the right thing to do.
Addicts, alcoholics, make alcohol the centre of their lives. The phrase “If I can _____ I can get through the rest of my life” can have thousands of truly meaningful things in the blank. For someone where alcohol is the centre of life - for an alcoholic - alcohol is the thing they put there.
What about running a 5K? (or a half marathon?) What about “if I can commit to doing 90 days of AA meetings I can get through the rest of my life”? What about _____?
Why is alcohol the thing that you think is an achievement?
We’ve had this conversation before on Talking Sober, specifically around holiday events and things like weddings and the pre-parties that go with them. Please read and consider before you make your decision.
Yes I would give it a miss if your early in soberity I would give all alcohol related events a miss for the first 6months going to a stag party in early soberity is setting yourself up to fail in my opinion stay well and stay sober 
I like to support people going on with their social lives as long as they thoroughly thought about it and prepared extensively with opt-out strategies, support lines, etc. Although you have done just that in this case I’d still say give this one a miss. Stag parties are so totally aimed at getting wasted I think it’s impossible to stay sober. I wouldn’t do one now, nearly 3 years sober and not much cravings or urges left in me.
Dont go if you want to stay sober give it a miss otherwise youl be back to start again
Having read all the other replies I think you should really listen to their collective wisdom and advice. I think the crucial thing missing from my response was the knowledge of stag dos (not something I have done).
No it doesn’t mean that. It means nothing. if you end up not drinking that just means you exposed yourself and got away this time. Nothing else. Protect your sobriety whether you go or not. It’s a needless risk which you might take if the friendship is that close and there’s no other way to celebrate it.
Wish you all the best and congrats on your sober time so far. As a constant relapser, remember to do things differently this time!
I’m a little concerned that you say “if I can do this I’ve got this”. (Paraphrased)
First off it sounds like you’re testing yourself and I think it’s better if you have more confidence rather than thinking it’s a test. Second, and I hate to say this, we never “got this”. We’ve all got the risk of relapse, even after 5, 15, 20 years. We need to be using our tools always. One of my tools is to not put myself in risky situations.
BUT, I understand that a stag is a big deal. This is an important event in the groom’s life. How close are you to the groom? If he’s a close mate talk to him and ask that others not pressure you. If he’s not a close mate….is it necessary that you be there?
YOU CAN DO IT!
Not to mention when everyone else level 11 trashed, how much “fun” can one expect to have?
I agree with those advising taking a pass on this one. A dinner party or holiday party, maybe. Heck, maybe even a wedding reception, but a “stag party” ?
Safer to walk into a lion’s den, wearing a 3-piece porkchop suit and a roast beef top hat, than to face a stag party and expect to stay sober.
“Safer to walk into a lion’s den, wearing a 3-piece porkchop suit and a roast beef top hat, than to face a stag party and expect to stay sober.”
Outstanding!!!
There’s 2 outcomes if you go.
- You stay sober
- You don’t stay sober
Let’s say it’s a 50/50 split.
50% chance of staying sober but…
Of that, here’s what possibilities lie ahead. Let’s say there’s 25% chance that any one of these will happen.
You’re the only one sober and you are now a babysitting, picking up messes, making sure people are behaving and tending to the sick and passed out. 25% chance.
You’re sober and everyone is trying to get you to drink. You stand your ground but it becomes exhausting and really annoying. People make fun of you and it’s just not a good.time. 25% chance.
You’re sober and everyone else has a fun while you’re parked on a couch in a dark corner and you’re counting the minutes until you go home. 25% chance.
You’re sober and you have a great time. 25% chance.
So, you can see, if you go there’s only a 12.5% chance you will have a favorable outcome. That is 1 in 8. There’s an 87.5% you won’t have an unfavorable outcome.
If you don’t go, there’s 99.999% chance you won’t drink and the chance of having a favorable outcome is also extremely high.
When it comes to protecting my sobriety, I take the sure thing and that hasn’t failed me yet.
I’m looking at this like it’s me granted I’m only 4 days sober but bruv I’d know in the back of my mind going on the stag do that I’m drinking as hard as I tried not too. get the boys on that kind of occasion I’m gonna be wrecked ! Choice is yours tho so whatever you decide good luck
Hey @Sp33dy16 I wonder what happened with this? Are you still trying to be/being sober?
Wish you the best!
I feel the same way!!! The man who drinks is a true loser
But the man I am clean off of drugs and alcohol will write a book of a new life!!! He is amazing
Keep that bottle away and don’t let any demons or bad ppl make u go back! Once I get off the juice for good and I’m only four days clean right now I’ll reach my full potential and so will you my birthday is in September and I usually wanna drink heavy and see strippers! Now all I want is a glass of pure juice no alcohol and to go out to eat with my sons and gf!
Life threatens to make u lose control n we are humans so sometimes we give in. But that bottle won’t offer what life truly has to offer so when you go to that event! Show the new you everyone is dying to see that person n some are counting you out but you got this!