Welcome Rich!
Addiction doesn’t discriminate. You can’t control your drinking any more than any of us can control our addictions. Addiction is like trying to stand under Niagara Falls (or any other gigantic waterfall) and imagining that this time I’m not gonna get crushed. No matter how “beautiful” that waterfall looks from a distance, if you stand under it, you’re gonna die.
The important question is what are you gonna do now?
Join a meeting. There’s a list here. If you don’t want to join a meeting, that’s even more of a reason to go. It’s just like learning anything new. At first you’re not gonna want to do it.
Welcome to Talking Sober! 