I am at 21 days sober. I am doing well but struggling how to handle being around people who are drinking. Specifically my spouse and his entire family. They all are drinkers. He drinks several nights a week and it’s exhausting. I don’t expect him to quit but how do I adapt hanging out and still enjoying myself instead of feeling filled with hate and annoyance?
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Well done on going solo this long while your partner drinks! 21 days is amazing truly and habit changing. I do know how hard it is as I went through the same when I stopped 3 years ago. My partner carried on. It was hard at first and i felt resentment many times, mainly because it felt like he was having a good time and i was still in the early throws of sobriety and all the feelings that come with that.
To get through it I had to make sure that I had something do do, just like he had something to do. I had to make my own routine of hobbies and things i enjoy, regardless of whether he was doing them or not. I had to basically build my own life, while he did his thing when he wanted too. It certainly wasnt enjoyable at first but with time i became consumed in my own things and left him too it.
He has now been sober 8 months through his own choice nothing to do with me. Get he got bored of being sat sozzled alone or hungover while the rest of the family were buzzing about having adventures.
I hope this helps abit… and again… well done!
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Thank you! Hopefully he follows in my footsteps be day too so he can live a better life also!
Thanks for the pointers! I crochet so I really have been doing that a lot more than usual to keep my mind occupied.
Welcome Rachel,
Congratulations on your 21 days of sobriety. That’s amazing.
I too got sober with a spouse who continued to drank. It wasn’t so bad or even that hard my first couple of years. I mean it sucked. But I was so focused on my sobriety it did bother me too much.
Anyway. It’s a progressive disease and eventually she got worse and I kept getting better. And when my life became unmanageable I went to Al-Anon.
We got a few threads here for people like us.
I always try to remember when I’m focused on her drinking. I’m not focusing on my sobriety.
I hope to see you around the wonderful very supportive forum.
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Welcome Rachel,
I too am working on staying sober while my husband drinks daily. I have had to separate my sobriety from our life together to make it work. I do what I need to do to stay sober and he does what he wants to do while I am busy. It is still early days for me so I get occasional thoughts about how great it would be to go get some wine to enjoy with him while he drinks his beers every evening. Truth is though that when I play that tape forward, its not fun. It ends with me slobering, spilling red wine on the carpet and down my front and going to bed totally pissed. Then having to deal with the hangover, anxiety, shakes, guilt and shame the next morning. So not worth it!
The thread @Dazercat mentioned was a great help to me but ultimately I have to put my life and sobriety ahead of my feelings about what my husband does and his drinking. I adore him and want to be with him for a very long time to come but that is something he needs to choose too.
I second Al-Anon when the going gets tough. I learned so much about myself and have the tools to stay sober despite his actions.
Hope to see you around the forum and travel this sober journey with you!
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Ohhh we have a thread for that! Come share what you are working on.
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Welcome Rachel!
My husband carried on drinking heavily when I got sober. What helped me was to focus on my sobriety by going to meetings in the evening when he started drinking or spending time here reading and posting. Then shutdown happened during covid and we were basically locked in our home together with alcohol. Ugh! That was not fun at all. Thankfully, I found online meetings to get me through the tough days. My husband’s drinking continued to escalate. All I could do was lead by example. Eventually he got sober too, 2.5 years later. It takes what it takes.
Wishing you the best on your journey!
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