I went into a meeting online today feeling pretty good. By the end, feeling alone, depressed, and hopeless. Also thought a little about using. The desire to use ended with the meeting, but the other bad feelings stayed.
I keep thinking this can help me, but every time I feel beaten down.
Maybe I need something else?
I know I feel depressed and sluggish after human interaction. When ever I get this way I want the bottle more and more.
If you believe what they say, everyone is strong, secure in recovery, and any problems they had were long ago in the past.
I know they are not all being honest, but I still feel so far from them.
I hate alcohol. But I know what you mean.
Meetings just suck the energy out of you.
The weird thing is I think I have more time clean than many of them.
But I did not do it, till I stopped going to meetings much. So maybe that says something.
Lately I am thinking I need to have some friends who are addicts, but they are hard to meet outside of AA, NA, SmartRecovery, etc.
Honestly, I can see your point with online meetings. When Iâve done them I missed that human interaction. For me in person meetings are much more soothing to the soul. The shitty coffee, the basket, seeing the steps and traditions on the wall, seeing a newcomer get a glimpse of hope (my favorite) just canât be replicated online. Not sure where youâre at in the world, but most meetings have resumed in person by me.
I find online meetings easier because I can check out when it is too much.
The meeting format does not allow for much interaction beyond laughing or nodding in response.So online or f2f are pretty much the same to me.
We have a saying at work. Some people arenât happy unless they have something to be unhappy about. Put the same amount of energy into finding the positive as you do into finding the negative. Youâll be the happiest person on this forum because Iâve never seen anyone in my life try as hard to be miserable as you do.
I am generally a very positive, nurturing, engaged person. So I do not think you can say that I am looking to find the negative. It may seem that way, because I am writing about negative experiences rather than the good stuff in my life.
I can be shy and I hate speaking in public, though. And I tend to retreat when confronted forcefully. So the tough love part of the program does send me running.
Oddly enough, after my miserable experience at a meeting earlier tonight, I went to another meeting which was amazing. It was âworkshopâ style, so we could ask questions and discuss. This meant we did not listen to people talk about their real estate successes or their promotion. It was one of the most substantive meetings I have ever been too. After the meeting people spoke to me, not to reprimand but almost socially.
So that was a ray of hope. I usually get one of those meetings every five years. But I get the feeling that it was not just tonight they were like that. So I am going back.
At the very least they were friendly to someone who came to their meeting for the first time. That is something I donât think I have ever seen, so I was impressed.
Please keep going to that specific meeting if you think it was successful. Otherwise, maybe you need to stop meetings all together and find other tools. I hope you find some level of peace/contentment in your life some day. Congrats on your 5 years of sobriety.
I have said elsewhere, that what would really help me is if I had personal friends who were addicts. I often think that if I could call someone or have coffee with someone to discuss what we are going throughâthat would do more than anything else.
But you may be right. Meetings are not a great place to make friends, so I may just need to do it some other way.
I am out as a recovering addict at work and everywhere else so I do get approached about it by people in trouble. When people come to me, I usually run down the recovery options. Maybe instead I should try to strike up a friendship.
I say im lucky having met face to face at meetings long ago now new friends who have become old friends i can face time with and share on everyday things .not a fan of online meetings im a ftf guy , wish you well
Maybe you do. Clockwise or counterclockwise and you never know how a cow catches a hare (to use some Dutch expressions). Meetings arenât your only option. BTW, Iâve been in NA for about half a year in the past and never experienced what youâre experiencing. The fellows always have been very welcoming to newcomers, and there always were a lot of shares from people struggling and craving.
So maybe you do need something else. Not saying you should quit going to meetings, but I am saying you should maybe examine other options too.
That might very well be true. My way has been to go and stay right here at TS. Iâm a shy reserved and introverted type of person, I even got a diagnosis for it. TS has given me the right mix of intimacy and safe distance to be around other addicts and interact in a meaningful matter. I made a couple of real friends here after being around for two years. Friends I have contact with outside of this place. I never thought that would happen. Again, Iâm not saying itâs the way for you to go. But there are other ways and other options to meet new friends. I for one am glad youâre here One. If I was at a NA meeting right now Iâd say âkeep coming back for it worksâ 
For me TS works. Together with individual friends and the psychotherapy Iâm doing. Find what works for you. Success.
I feel this, Iâve never attended a meeting but it makes me wonder if my sobriety will last long term without that supportâŚ
Iâve very introverted, antisocial etc⌠Meetings donât seem to be the way forward for me yet they seem integral for long term sobriety.
Itâs a concern.
Rome wasnt built in a day, my sponsor reminded me. I drank hard for 25 years, quitting drinking for a couple days wont automatically repair the damage I caused.
With that said, as my sober days grew, life did get better. There was a lot of re-learning how to live life in the beginning. There were a lot of emotions that had been pushed away, that had to be dealt with.
Life does get better. What helped me? This wonderful place and a recovery program. Each helped me deal with my new life.
I was in the program for 15 years. I did not get much help stopping and it seemed like the program was more for people who were already clean.
I stopped going to meetings and without much effort I got five years clean.
There has been a shift in my life and the desire to use has intermittently returned.
But now that I go back, it seems just as isolating as it was before. I did find a meeting that was good yesterdayâbut they do not do the usual format and bring in âunapprovedâ literature.
My life is better sober. No question. Just trying to figure out how to stay that way.
@Donut89 . . . I 100% understand your approach. Positive self-talk and sharing your success here makes sense. Also, to use an overused expression âfake it until you make itâ.
I hear ya. Not all meetings are the sameâŚmaybe try SMART or something other than AA.
Thinking more, I think you may have something here.
Meetings are public. People put on a good face. They fake it till they make it.
I think I need deeper communication. I have always responded better to one-on-one than group.
Most meetings are the same in this. I have been to dozens of different groups and there are things that are baked in.
The one last night that seemed good was also one that did not follow any standard 12-step format.
I have tried SmartRecovery, but it duplicates and amplifies a lot of the most alienating parts of AA/NA