I only went to 2 SMART meetings. I wish I new more resources.
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I think therapy is so important. I have to admit though that I do not understand why therapists recommend 12-step recovery and vice versa, since they seem so opposed in how they work.
Maybe trained professionals know something you donāt 
My therapist is in 12-step recovery and said that it might not be right for me. Other therapists have also noted that I do not fit the usual pattern for addicts which makes it harder for me in 12-step recovery.
But they have never been able to point me to anything better.
However, more to the point, they do acknowledge that there is little common ground between 12-step recovery and therapy. But they say anything is worth a try for someone suffering.
I think I am being unfair. I treat these threads like a conversation because I cannot have conversations like this in real life. And the give an take is not really possible here. So in writing I seem aggressive, whereas in real life you would just interrupt me and tell me about your experience.
I am sorry.
Dont stop before the miracle happens, alot of people wait and wonder when ill be fixed, or when does this enlightenment occur, spiritual awakening, when already the peace is inside you. Theres a difference between a spiritual experience and a spiritual awakening, if you work the steps and working a program its there in the readings.
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Dude sitting still for an hour makes me want to drink sometimes at the end of the meeting.
But I dont because I went to a meeting.
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I donāt quite agree with your therapists. I think thereās a lot of common ground between the 12 steps and CBT. As for me personal, I did think I need some more specialized therapy to fit my personal problems.
BTW, have you ever been properly diagnosed? Through the decades, I had two psychiatrists label me with Borderline Personality Disorder. A diagnosis I fiercely fought (typical BPD behaviour, theyād say). really they were in no place to make that diagnosis right there right then. There was some truth in it but not the whole truth. Last year I did an intake with a specialized personality disorder diagnostic and treatment centre and they had three semi-structured interviews with me, over many 100ās of questions and many hours. What cam out of that is that I have traits of BDP, but not enough to fit the diagnosis, and also traits of Avoidant PD. Iām in schema therapy now, which is specifically designed for people with my sort of problems. Itās hard work and takes quite some time but iām making progress. And maybe Iāll return to NA later and actually do the 12 steps. I donāt think it will hurt.
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Yes, I was properly diagnosed and therapy really helped.
Recently I ended therapy. I meet my therapist every six weeks, but we both agreed that I did not need anything more frequent.
That is part of my issue. Being in a room with addicts makes me think about using. I think part of the reason I stayed clean for 5 years was because I had stopped going to meetings.
Before then I usually relapsed two or three times a year. About half the time it was immediately after a meeting. The hopelessness would hit and I would just use so that I could get a couple peaceful months after.
If your ok, your ok, if not your not, when you figure what works keep going with that no pressure, its like the current in a river you can fight it or go with the flow trying to swim up stream will get exhausting.
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Wow what a thread, Iāve taken a break from meetings,only a week or so,only done online this time aroundā¦
.I get what I need from the meetings,the rest I leave there,
I got a sponsor early days and Iām in touch with her almost daily and doing step work, occasionally,itās enough for me, at the moment.
Whatever works for you at the moment dudeā¦ donāt get down about itā¦ itās not the meetings fault!..
Itās gonna be alright so long as you donāt pick up
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Do you sponsor addicts? And if not, how come if not.?.. have you done the steps all to 12?..how many times?..just asking
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Just dont pick up and use, simple. If meetings trigger you dont go, you liked the one the other day just go to that one or ones like it, find the ones that work for u and leave the rest
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Do you do what works for you, Iāve been na meeting for the past 2 years and I have found nothing but love, and acceptance. Iām in the UK, also try not to over think it all lots of ppl will have lots of suggestions but what counts at the end of it all is what keeps you sober, sometimes that means trying on alot of diffrent hats to see what suits, wish u all the best
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I gave it 15 years. No miracle.
I stopped going and it was easier not to use.
After writing that, I wonder if I have found my own answer. I do not think the program helped much. I just wish I had a personal friendship with one or more people who understand what addiction is like. I think that is probably more what I want this time.
As I have said many times, I think what I need is not so much the program but friends who know what addiction is like.
It is probably misusing the program to take part for social reasons, but it seems that a lot of people have made friends in the program, soā¦
It is not anything said that I find triggering. It is just being around people who have used. I still find that gets me thinking about using.
To be a sponsor you have to do all the steps first. I never got far because the step actions I was given by my sponsors were financially out of the question. (Yes, I know now that not all sponsors give step actionsābut I did not know that in the 15 years I was active in the program.)
I do not know how I feel about the program, but I have someone willing to take me through. He is just doing a questionaire, which I think is better than the other ways of working them.
He also said I could call him if I think I might use. Every other sponsor said to me the exact opposite, so it feels like it is against the program. I know others here have had similar offers, but it still feels like it is āwrongā that he said it.
I do not know where any of this is going.
But meeting really do make me feel so alone and hopeless.I am not sure if any possible benefit is worth it. Even after a āgoodā meeting last night I found myself looking up crack on Reddit. I do not know why, but I doubt the reason was good.
The miracle is life, the fact that were living. Im an addict and know what its like i can be a recluse when i want to be but i enjoy being out and getting sum sunlight being among the living, i know what its like to isolate and just want to crawl into the darkness
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I know I need to stop myself when I have an impulse like that. But it happened quickly