The trick is learning how to change the mindset, sounds like your aware of it happening and how to change it, thats great! reaching out asking for friends is out of our confort zone sometimes but its a natural human trait to be social
Then I guess the miracle happened when I gave up on the steps and meetings. The last five years have been pretty good.
But I am on a medical treatment that has made me feel more sexual desire and that is bringing drug cravings with it.
Since so much relaspsing was connected to meetings, I donāt think they are the best ideaā¦but I do not have another one.
A miracle happened when you where born into this world, given your lifeš
I think it is the confrontational part of the program that makes it hard for me. I am usually the last to leave a party, so I am especially social.
But in regular settings, no one is going to tell you everything you are doing wrong. I just find it difficult to speak when at any moment that stuff can fly at you.
You heard of a story about 2 wolves? A white wolf and a black wolf, they live inside of us all, which is the dominate one? The one that you feed the mostā¦
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I think you may be right. Maybe I need to stop going to meetings since that seems to feed addictive thoughts.
I just need to find another way to meet addicts whom I can talk to one-on-one. The possible benefit of connecting is not worth the definite negative wolf I am feeding by attending.
Try writing down some of the stuff you think your doing wrong and save it for reference. The only thing i hear that your doing wrong is picking up and using, the other stuff just, well you decide. A decision or choice or an excuse
The confrontational part is inside you, which wolf are you going to feed is up to you, could feed them equally? Or let them devour themselves? Or just let them be a peace with one another
That is a good idea. But I am not picking up and using. I have not in at least five years. (My use was so intermittent that I am not sure exactly when the last time was. But at least five years for sure.)
I just did a quick list. I will probably do a more considered one over the weekend.
I do think that attending meetings is a problem since it nourishes the fantasy of using. I think I need to avoid ANYTHING that does that.
There are a few other things as well but they are very easy to eliminate.
Thank you. This was great practical advice.
No I meant the confrontational part of the program. I think it is a problem overall. It is hard for anyone to open up if they know that any share or personal conversation can open a confrontation.
I can handle conflicts in myself. But I need a more supportive, less judgemental environment to grow. That is why therapy was more useful than the program.
Technology nourishes the fantasy as well, hell opening my eyes brings out fantasies for me should i not open my eyes?
Therapy is what has kept me going. That and my family
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Individual therapy has been very constructive for me, reading and writing has also been great therapy
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communicating with you has been very helpful for me in just the little time that we have relayed mesg just continue on your path, only you can find the right direction 4you . Good job on 5 years of abstaining .Be well my friendš¤²
Wow, youāre not the first person that has said that people in meetings say you shouldnāt call anyone if youāre thinking of usingā¦where the high hell are these meetings??!
ā¦Iām soo grateful for the NA meetings in the UKā¦the online meetings have Americans in too? You could try the program in the UK online meetingsā¦I am just assuming youāre in USA?..
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Sorry I read further in the threadā¦so youāre on a drug at the moment thatās a mind altering substance Iām guessingā¦ I hope you find peace 
What the heck are you talking about?
No, I have not taken any mind altering substance in five years.
We all have people we choose not to engage with. However, the honorable thing to do is walk away, rather than inventing accusations. You do not have to invent blame to simply not respond.
That only creates hurt and bad feelings.
You really helped me a lot.
They always say that just because something helps a lot of people, does not mean it helps EVERYONE.
Good luck with your abstaining. As you move ahead in recovery, remember what you told me and trust your inner voice!
Your welcome the program is not for everyone, i know people who are in recovery that dont do 12 steps or have support groups but they are staying sober. More power to them but for this addict/alcoholic i need more than just my own will power.
When you were saying about some people that dont want to open up to prevent confrontation, i thought about the nature channel was watching this little bird whos nest was on a cliff. And how much fear they must have to jump off and fly, they could sit and starve, not catch wind and splat or flap away and make it down to the sea but they still have to worry about the sea lions who like the little birds for a snacks