I feel like every time I try to go sober I sabotage myself. I know drinking is bad for my mental health but I fall into it so much. I promise my husband I’ll stop but I’ll sneak drinks on the days he’s not home. I’m tired of the double life and lies. Right now after 5 days I relapsed and I’m so so disappointed in myself. I’m so scared to tell him I failed again. I just don’t know how to get myself to the point of not drinking. It’s just so hard. I’m sorry - I don’t have a question or request. Just a vent because I feel so hopeless right now.
The state of the world, the stress of life, it just feels so hard to navigate it sober. All my friends in my city drink I just don’t have the support and I don’t know how to navigate this addiction. I just feel alone.
Hi @Venuschicago I’m on day 10. Somebody here suggested I read “Quit Like a Woman” and I’m currently reading it and it really connects with me. It’s definitely a feminist take on quitting drinking as empowerment if you’re into that. Hang in there. This is the longest I’ve gone in years and I think it’s getting…somewhat easier? As for friends, it helps to get together with a friend for coffee or a walk, something not centered on alcohol. Take care!
Thank you so much for the response and support. I’ll definitely check out the book (I’m a big reader). I’ll take your advice and try to redirect the hangouts to something NOT revolving around alcohol…
You have no idea how encouraging and helpful this is. Thank you. I often feel aimless and hopeless when it comes to tackling this. For so long I denied that I even have a problem but I won’t give up trying. Thank you.
Welcome Ennissa.
That’s a pretty name.
It is very hard to quit an addiction. It takes a lot of work. And for me, surrendering it to God and realizing I am powerless over alcohol was a good first step. For me. I found this app over 2 years ago and I’ve been very active on here and it’s just the support I needed. We all need support. I don’t know very many people who beat addiction on their own. It’s bigger than us. It’s way to hard.
Have a good read around here. Lots of great people here willing to help you out.
Here are two good threads to start:
Start absorbing as much quit lit as you can. If you don’t have time to read, listen to audiobooks. I just listened to “Dry” by August in Burroughs and it was amazing and funny, too.
Listen to podcasts. I like recovery elevator on my commute to work.
Try a meeting. They are great for when you are feeling vunerable. You don’t have to talk if you dont want to.
This is such a good suggestion. I already love podcasts so it’s perfect. I will definitely listen to some of your suggestions! Thank you for chiming in. It’s nice to know I’m not sobbing into the ether.
The one thing your definitely not is alone, we all know exactly how you feel.
First things first - Honesty - No matter what the reaction tell your partner you have a problem you need help bc you want to stop but can’t, I’m an alcoholic.
NOW TALK TO OTHER ALCOHOLICS WHO ARE SOBER…
Zoom 24/7.
I’ve struggled so hard with even being honest with myself about my addiction. You’re right - I think this is such a good first step. I’m going to sit down and talk to him…
Welcome to the forum. You know, we all become addicted to things for a variety of reasons, and Stopping sometimes is a complex thing. It’s not just because we are all lousy human beings who can’t get our shit together. It’s not because we suck and are weak. Though I know how much it must feel that way.
It could be as simple as you needing new people in your life, or it could be the chemical need, or it could be some deep underlying emotional issue that you’re unaware of or simply can’t face. I don’t know you, so I can’t say. The linked thread below has a presentation on why addicts can’t just have one drink. The end is really the most interesting because it gives an insight into the chemical nature of addiction.
I’d also recommend checking out Gabor Mate. There are videos on YouTube. Just search his name. That might also be useful for you.
I was a chronic relapser. For years. You are not alone. I hope you will make good use of this forum. Dive into the threads and let this place be a community for you. This can be a really great tool for your sobriety toolbox. Just knowing there are people who–no matter how different in other ways they might be–understand this, who understand the struggle, the pain, the shame, and the desperation as you try to just make it for five more minutes.
There are a lot of things in this world that you have no control over, but one thing that you do have control over are your thoughts. This is where everything begins. Your thoughts create your emotions, and in turn they fuel your actions. Watch your thoughts. See if you notice thoughts that usually go unnoticed in your day. What were you thinking earlier in the day, or an hour before you started to crave? If you can change your thoughts and your emotions, you are more likely to change your actions.
Control what you can control in your life and in your world. Change always starts with the individual anyway. If all the individuals decided to change themselves for the better, the world would be different overnight. There are things that will happen in the world and while you can’t change them directly, you can change your response.
I wish you the best. Take care. Hang in there. You can do this.
I strongly suggest rehab and getting a sponsor. SOBRIETY SUCKS BUT RECOVERY DOSENT. Working the 12 step program was the greatest solution for me to stop using and drinking, when i couldnt stop on my own. It gives me the strength to be Sober 1 day at a time. I promise it is worth it. I will have 6 months sober tomorrow and I still don’t want to use or drink. I am active in my recovery by attending meetings and sponsoring other addicts. I don’t need drugs or alcohol to be Happy and I can deal with my problems sober. I wouldnt trade it for the world.
INTO ACTION is located in Houston TX, they take all insurances with no co-pay. I had the pleasure to get sober there with people from all over the United States, even Canada, GREAT PLACE!!!
I probably watch this 5-6 times a week on rough days. It brings a laugh, and a bit of motivation and strength. I’ve said this before in so many words. If I wanted to learn to ride a horse but kept falling off, eventually I’d look at what I could do differently, change my grip, change my posture, change my approach. But I wouldn’t quit trying.
Like others said and like you admitted. Support is almost essential. AA can be a good place, the higher power thing doesn’t have to be god, it can be your family, it can be the AA group. If it doesn’t click for you try a few others or an NA group (they’re welcoming to any addict, alcohol included). Seek therapy or counseling maybe, maybe you’ve got some demons or something that you need to deal with. Rehab is good, consider talking to a doctor about that, or medications to help with cravings. What has helped me the most is having a few people I can talk to about it, having a group (right now it’s only this place and r/stopdrinking on reddit, I used to go to AA but haven’t been since the pandemic). And getting into a meditation and mindfulness routine. You can look up techniques for that, and cognitive behavioral therapy teaches you some techniques if you try that route. But most importantly don’t give up.
I’ve relapsed hundreds of times. This is my longest and most effective sober stretch so far, I changed up my approach. Don’t feel guilt or shame for a relapse, negative self talk does real harm and you can’t change the past. Positive self talk does real, actual good as hokey as it sounds. I’m glad you’re here. Hell I’m glad I’m here too. Keep coming here and checking in with us, we all want to help each other, you included. So welcome to the group.
One thing that helps me is community and connection. Checking in here, meetings (AA/SMART/Recovery Dharma/ tons of programs). Connecting with people who understand what this struggle is like can be very helpful.
Hey everyone. Thank you so much for the suggestions and kind words after I was struggling so hard. Happy to say that I am still chugging along and sober. I shared with my husband and he’s super supportive and ready to help when I need it. I’m grateful I can hop on here and see off the bat that I’m not alone. Deeeefinitely bought a lot of Liquid Death, Topo Chico and Bubly to drink when I have a ~craving~. Today feels easier than the weekend for sure!
