Just really cant believe im in this position and become a drinker i have a panic and anxiety and flash backs memories and then i just go straight for a drink i done so well for 3 days then today ive relapsed
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Welcome S.
I’m glad you found us.
There’s a fountain of support and knowledge here to help us stay sober. Have a good read around. Join in when you’re comfortable.
Being active on here has kept me sober.
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Thankyou
Yeah this seems amazing im pretty glad ive found it but yeah feeling down that i gave in
i was sober in December for a week but mental health just creeps up and takes over so instead of the irrational thoughts which leads to me drinking it kind off keeps me safe in a wierd way
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This may sound super dumb. If you think it is I won’t be offended. Buy a banjo. I’ve been a professional musician for 25 years and I’ve worked with a lot of people in recovery who gravitate towards the guitar. I play the guitar, I love my guitars. I’m a cellist by trade. But I digress. The guitar world can sometimes draw you into crowds you are trying to stay away from. The banjo on the other hand is tuned to Open G which means it’s a great first instrument and have you ever heard of a bluegrass band getting ripped up and destroying a Hilton Presidential Suite? Amazon has a Gold Tone AC-1 for short short money. The time you spend learning the banjo is time you’re not abusing. No matter what you choose we’re all here to support you on your journey. Stay strong!
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Hi @Xsarahessx , welcome. This place is amazing! Throw out any booze you have in and start again. You have us to lean in now, i promise it can be done! I never thought I would be free of the hold that booze had on me but I AM! I no longer think about it all of the time. You have to want it more than anything with every fibre of your being. I wish you all the very best and look forward to seeing you around here 
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Hey giys just and update ive not been full abstinent but i have had them gin can things not litres of straight vodka so thats the only positive ive got other than feel like such a failure as a was 3 days strong but caved after emotional appointment any advice on emotional drinking and anxiety drinking being out and about much appreciated for your replys im taking it all on just need to deliver now xx
Hi there 
I know that feeling/urge all to well even if it is a different doc but it all boils down to the same physical and emotional roller-coaster have you tried working along side your local drug and alcohol team or doctor or is that something you do already? If not I’d definitely maybe think it over.
Hwy yeah im with stars its my local authority and have my 3 meetings a week but its more or less a CPN what i need now a mental health worker who can deal with the mental /trauma /triggers/anxiety the self harm and bulimia i feel im a lost cause right now because i just didnt think i would add to the list these past 1yr half /2 from what i choose other than the self harm and bulimia the self harms a choice but a pain gain for myself it keeps me from further urges (suicide) i have alot to still be here for this is the destruction im doing to stop that i think and when its not that its the making myself sick for the same pain release even though its not painfull its that feeling i get but drinking i dont no why i choose to pick that bottle up and got hooked on that mental attachment personally i think whats worse but fully sober im a 100% a liability to meself and its just really brutally horrendous now who could think saving your life entails having some negative impact towards yourself STILL and who i need to be okay for so confused and just dont no where to start as drinks not going to go away when am still having these emotional blackouts and HUGE triggers this week then a have a little drink feel okay then plummet because i have had one then turn to 1 of the other 2 then its back to sqaure one guilt fear pain and emotion and there wego got a bottle in me hand sorry for the long message though xx
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All ypu cam do right now is keep placing one foot in front the other, try not to visualise the bigger picture of your struggles if you can try to break it down and work on what you can try not to overwhelm yourself. I know I know easier said than done but btrak it down work on bits hourly or am and pm anyway to break it up helps, do your journal??
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Don’t worry about what happened before or what may happen later - all you can control is the now, and saying no to the first drink. You know what happens if you have it (you describe it clearly!), and as others have said here: one is too many, and 1,000 is never enough.
You’ve got this; you can make the choice for you.
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