I’m completely alone. I lost the friends I had in my addiction, broke relationships because of my tempor, wanted to be alone, now I’m trying to get sober and be a better person but loneliness is making me feel completely hopeless in sobriety. I feel that I’m generally not like by people because of my conditions, they don’t understand, they don’t WANT to understand and leave me for dead, I’ve literally been told by people that no one likes “messy”.yep. I get it. People like positive people that can handle their own shit, I’m just a mess no one wants to clean up, this is why people kill them selves. I wrote off my parents last year because my father is the alcoholic that physically abused me and my mom yet my mom never stood up for me, she wanted a man to take care of her, They are both toxic and honestly can go fuck themselves. I’m done. I’m a cursed people pleaser, have given the shirt off my back for people but I’m afraid with selfish tendencies. Yes. I want to be liked and loved just like ANY other human being or living thing. Today is day 14, I’m so proud of myself for not using weed to ease the edges but I’m having bad thoughts. I’ve texted the suicidal line before, plus I’m too chicken shit to leave this earth anyway, I want to drink SO BAD right now. I have this cute new apartment, with beautiful new things that I bought for it. I have a beautiful car. I have an amazing job. I have great coworkers. I have an adorable pet parrot that makes me laugh and gives me love. Why can’t this be enough. I want to drink.
Congratulations on 14 days!
Feeling lonely sucks but it sounds like you have a lot going for you. That is good, but it’s ok to feel bad regardless. Know that there is a whole community here you can lean on whenever you need to.
For me a big part of sobriety has been learning to live life on life’s terms. I’m still learning. I expect to carry on learning. Sometimes I feel more able to commit to healthy practices and behaviours (for me meditation, walking and yoga seem to be the things that work). Sometimes I cry and eat cake 🤷
Keep putting one foot in front of the other friend, one day at a time 
We all need meaningful interactions with meaningful people in our lives. That goes beyond work and colleagues. All drinking does is give us a temporary hiding spot from that. But it’s not the solution. In the end we need to be sober or we will die. Yes we have to work hard on forging new connections or improving on old ones when we become sober. One day at a time it can be done. It’s work but so worth it. Sobriety is step one. Keep going.
I’m on the ever of crying and eating myself to death tonight. I guess. Because if I do the other thing, it will kill me and so where deep inside I DO enjoy life, I know I do, but why can’t I be normal, like everyone else, and have ONE drink and not be socially awkward and strange and different. I miss my shit of a friend, alcohol.
Well the thing is, here, you are like everyone else cos none of us can just have one drink 
I don’t think there was one thing that happened for me that changed my mindset towards alcohol. I read this forum, a lot. I read This Naked Mind. I really thought about what happens when I drink. I held on to the arguments, the blackouts, the shame, the hangovers, the waste of life. I realise that by not drinking, I am not missing out, not even one tiny little bit. You will too - it just takes time and practice
I need to get that book it sounds like.
Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate the help.
Thank you so much 
Dear beautiful @anon15155098,
14 days sober, wow! What an achievement. I bet that number makes you feel good and proud : ) and it should, it is amazing. For the last 14 days you’ve given yourself that loving kindness, and you so deserve it.
All those things are enough. They are. They truly are. How blessed you are to have such amazing things, and also the strength to come here, reach out and seek support. That’s truly impressive. Its a mindset thing. You are not your thoughts. You can change your perspective, if you so decide. Decide that these things are enough, and know and believe deeply within, that more Amazing, Good things are coming your way! Because they are. Now you’re sober, things are only getting better. You don’t WANT to drink, not really. You know that. Drinking won’t help anything, but it will definitely make it worse. Be kind to yourself, acknowledge this Amazing journey of growth that you’re on and relish in it. See the sunshine, for you are the one bringing it into your life : ) time to decide, are you a “drinker” or a “non-drinker”…? Write it down. Journal about it. Write a list and put your WHY into words on paper (or on here). And perhaps seek a meeting so you can meet fellow ppl who are sharing this journey to recovery, this may help you make new connections and curb any feelings of lonliness. Mindset is everything. Decide what yours is going to be. A positive, grateful mentality will do wonder on easing this journey. You got this! I wish you well 
Yes and alcohol wants you. Our lying killing friend. The only friend that’s left after we drank for a while.
It’s a bottle with liquid. Drinking isn’t actually normal. Drinking is the social norm maybe but it’s not normal. I’m feeling a little bit more normal each day I don’t drink. Life is still hard. But it’s liveable. When I drank it wasn’t. You’re doing good. No joke.
Everyone I’m friends with at work has people in their lives, significant others, friends, family, and I have no one. I want to go to a meeting but this virus is not fucking around and I don’t want to risk my health. You know? I literally, at 37 years old have been thinking of getting a video game console just to get my mind off of everything, but honestly I know nothing will make me happy anymore? Because I’ve done EVERYTHING, I’ve partied, I’ve been beautiful, you g and care free, I’ve been taken out on dates, I’ve done the same, I’ve loved, I’ve lost, I’ve lived, what else is there!!! Things don’t make me happy, I’m finding myself craving a real friendship, a relationship, to be respected, to be wanted, I’ve wasted my youth and I do t know how to come to terms with that. I really don’t.
I HATE how alcohol has become part of everyone’s culture. I hate that in Florida bottles are being sold in fucking CVS!! Any store you go in. I’m afraid I’ll never date again, that I’ll just die alone, because there’s not that many sober people around. Just afraid to be alone and don’t want to be. And friends, good friends are so hard to come by. People love when others approve of their lifestyles. All these girls I work with at my company, they all hang out together but everything is revolved around drinking.
Thank you so much. Your message threw me into tears. You are so right. Thank you.
This is all a normal feeling, like I felt the same way on the same days as you. Nobody loved me, I had no friends, I wanted to drink. I hated everything, like idk just spot on to how you are feeling. But I mean what would you do right now if you were to cave in and drink? Would you go hang out with ppl? Or sit home? And drink yourself silly and then wake up tomorrow hating yourself even more. Just ride through these waves, u really need to do something to get out of your unconscious mind. Go take a nice bath or shower, nice walk and just focus on all the trees and surrounding, what you’re smelling, seeing. And yeah def get that book, this naked mind
I’m 54 Ally. Wasted 40 years of my life. They are gone just like that. Can’t remember most of it. Disappeared in a haze of smoke and a pool of booze. What a fucking waste. But here I am. Looking forward. It’s not over yet. We got stuff to do. People to meet. Moving forward. Two steps ahead one step back and all that. Hugs.
It would make me happy in a sense where I would say to myself “Fuck yeah, I do what I fucking want, I’m gonna have FUN”. I’d watch funny YouTube videos, or find a new good movie, I’d of course stop watching it and stop paying attention after glass two but this time and night would be MINE, because I did what I wanted. Staying sober right now, today, is not what I want, being sober to me is being a goody goody and I’ve never been that person in my entire life. I’ve always been a mess, a beautiful mess I call it, that’s why I’m an artist, since I was a kid I made art because I’ve always felt TOO much, but after my addiction hit me hard 10 years ago I quit making art and I lost that person, she had dreams and hopes, but now I’m just a shell, a corporate slave working my ass off for what? To be a goody goody? I don’t know if I can do this, both my grandfathers had the disease and died from liver failure, and my father drinks a huge bottle of vodka in a matter of days, my mother said to me that she’s just waiting for any day now that he will croke and she’ll be left on her own. Maybe I’m not meant to live, that’s the thing, I’m crying so hard while I type this, I honestly think I’m that sick that I’m just not meant to have a good life.
Hey Ally; I can relate to all that you’re feeling. I’m just back and I can tell you, there’s nothing like being in control of your choices. It’s so hard when the urges strike; I’m a little older than Mno and I have wasted a lot of time and brain cells to drinking. I used to be the pretty, fun one too; and now I’m alone and I wonder if I’ll ever see/feel love again. I guess no great words of wisdom except I think you’re doing a great job and you will find good things coming your way eventually.
Oh Donna, I feel you pain in a level I can’t even explain. Thank you for your words
Yea I know what you mean about the goody goody. I couldn’t work out how the hell you’re supposed to be 30 and sober. But being wasted isn’t exactly being badass. Being wasted for me was usually being a bit of a dick.
Being sober means owning my choices, being confident without any chemicals. If that makes me a goody goody then I’m all for it.
You’re right
I hope you can use what you’re feeling now to rediscover your hopes and dreams. Maybe not today, but soon.
I bet you’ve built up a lot of great inspiration for the artist in you.