Also you are NOT a failure!!
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I think the only thing stopping me from going out and getting my hands on something is the way the medication is making me feel at the moment. I don’t think I will have the opportunity to make it up to my kids which hurts the most
Alcohol, ecstasy, cocaine, cannabis mainly
There is always time. And they will always love you, you are there father. Plus kids can forgive fairly easily. I’m sorry about the meds though, after a couple of weeks your body should get used to them though and they won’t make you so weak hopefully. But if they do you might want to ask your doctor to switch to something else. I really hope that you continue to stay strong. You are inspiration to me seriously. I’ll for sure be praying for you tonight if you don’t mind.
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The ecstasy is not my thing but things I’ve read about that is the difficulty coming away from that. I’m similar though pretty much anything but my true DOC is opiates, pain killers leading to heroin. It’s great to hear your staying sober through this. That’s a huge and great start. My emotions always lead me back into relapsing so your doing a great job imo and dealing with such heartache is not easy.
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I have been taking the medication for over a month so far, I think the doctor is right by saying I’m not eating enough but just can’t be bothered most of the time so it’s my fault again as I’m failing to feed myself. I’m not sure how I can be an inspiration to you but by all means pray for me if you want to, it’s not my thing but i respect your beliefs
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I think if I didn’t feel like I did at the moment I would of gone out and bought something. I order food online and have a support worker who comes to me so it stops me going out.
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That’s great tho. It’s a start. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.
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I feel you. The feelings you’re describing sound familiar to me. I was taken to the hospital involuntarily, because I wasn’t engaging or cooperating with anything to get me back into a safe situation. I can understand it feeling so hopeless. Thankfully at the hospital I got help and safety enough for me to pass through the darkest days and start healing, with a new perspective that could start conceiving a different future.
The emotions, though real, are not sources of truth. There is more hope and more good than you can see and feel right now. With patience and perseverance, you can experience it again. It doesn’t stay this dark. Even if all you do is lie in bed for the next 24 hours, you’ve survived the day. If that’s what you need to do to stay safe. I do think you’ll benefit most from doing what you can, feeding yourself, a few minutes of fresh air and sun, etc., but safety is most important. If you think you might attempt, please call emergency services… they’re there to help.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Talk to us if it helps. It’s not so dark out here with community.
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The anxiety, wanting to collapse from feeling overwhelmed or my muscles giving, racing heart at anything from going outside or standing up or talking to someone, that all eased up in my case from getting fuel back in my body. I guzzled soft drinks, had peanut butter by the spoonful, and had people bring me food, before I progressed back to microwaving myself meals. Any progress is good 
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Hi friend. I’m so sorry you’re going through such difficulties right now. Just please know you’re not alone, and you have an entire community here willing to support you though this.
First and foremost, you are not a failure. You’re ability to remain sober though this, even if it is due to lack of energy, is a major accomplishment. If you’re struggling with eating/making food right now, maybe buy some protein or meal replacement shakes and some vitamins until your energy gets back up there.
I’ve struggled with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks for about 4 years now. I’ve been in the same position: panic attack after panic attack, feeling like my skin is crawling, shaking, can’t catch my breath. Your mind is under a great deal of stress right now and erroneously telling your body to engage it’s fight-or-flight response. It’s a natural, physiological response that is critical to livelihood, but right now it’s a little out of whack and responding to threats that aren’t there.
Things I’ve learned that have helped me with panic attacks and could help you, if you’d like to try them:
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4-7-4 breathing. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 4. This type of breathing activates your parasympathetic nervous system and is basically a little bio-hack telling your brain/body to slow your breathing and heart rates.
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Holding ice cubes or even just standing in front of the freezer. The sudden, drastic change in temperature takes your mind away from panic and focuses it on the new, more immediate sensation of cold against your skin.
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Journaling. As goofy as that sounds, it’s probably been my biggest aide against panic. Getting all of the streaming, constant thoughts out of my head and on to paper seems to unburden me for a bit. Write everything you’re thinking, however minor or significant.
Please remember that everything you are going through is temporary, no matter how overwhelming it seems right now. One day at a time. Hell, one minute at a time if you need to. There will be clarity and a light at the end of the tunnel. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.
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You’ve come back here @Addictive. You’ve reached out.
I’m sorry things aren’t looking too bright for you mate.
Try and turn your thoughts around.
I know you feel that life has dealt you shit but you can turn it around. There is always a reason to.
Start by getting something descent inside you. Instead of crisps get nuts and fruit if you cant get the energy to make something.
You owe it to yourself and your children to turn life around and show them that you are a fighter.
You can do this man!
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My friend, you haven’t failed life, as long as you are still living it. Take one small positive step each day. And as for the wife, I don’t believe you can fail a person --disappoint them, yes.
I believe that right now, we’re seeing that she is disappointing you. The kids, well, I have disappointed mine many times. I haven’t met someone yet who hasn’t. They will see you getting better. They will come to respect and admire the changes you make for yourself.
Here’s the deal: As you walk forward in life, the path in front of you is wet concrete, it can still be changed. The path behind you, it’s hardened. You can’t change it. Change your path.
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You’ve mentioned how much you love and want your family back and you dont believe it will happen. How can you be sure of that. Maybe at some point down the road you can rebuild what you’ve lost with them. Maybe they need to see who you were before they’ll forgive you. Maybe its hard for them to be seperated from you as much as it is for you to ve away from them. Maybe one, just one will see theres still a you in you and maybe they want to believe the past can be fixed. Maybe all YOU need is ONE to believe in you to get on a path to recovery and than maybe they’ll come thru for you. Maybe they want you to come thru for them first. If you succeeded in ending your life, there arent any more maybe’s. Whatever the situation is between you and them will become their legacy and their pain to carry. Be strong. Maybe you can carry it for them for a little while longer and maybe they’ll offer you a hand.
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You’ve had a huge upheaval (through your addiction, getting sober and then all of this), it’s bound to take some time for things to become clearer. Meds take a while to kick in and you may need some adjustments to find what’s right. Eat as well as you can, move when you can, get outside when you can. When you can’t, try not to beat yourself up about it.
You don’t know what will happen in future - just come back to now. One foot in front of the other my friend 
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I’m in a battle right now just hope I can come through it in a better place
You know you can Ady, you just need to find the reason mate.
Your kids spring to mind here.
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I don’t even know if I will see them again
You took the words right out of my mouth! Amazing things to say.
Just wanted to check in on you today