So, I haven’t been here for over 7 weeks or more (can’t do the maths). I tried to take my own life as my wife said she doesn’t want to be with me anymore and that I let her and the kids down and can’t trust me to ever be the person she met. She said she met someone else and he makes her feel special and happy like I used to. It totally destroyed me and I was and still am heartbroken. I have been getting a lot of help and I’m on medication for anxiety and depression. The tablets are completely wiping me out and I’m struggling to cope with all the thoughts in my head. Somehow I’m still sober even though all I want to do is get absolutely wasted but I know with the medication it could put me back in hospital. I see no future for myself, all I can see is fog and nothing makes sense. I barely go out unless I really have to but even then my anxiety gets that bad that it feels like I will pass out and my body feels like it’s giving up. Can anyone relate to this horrible feeling and sadness?
I don’t know how or why I’m still going 
Am I though?
I failed my wife, I failed my kids, I failed life and even failed suicide. Massive failure on all levels
Sending you courage and strength, pal.
Please, please, please stick around. This sounds a lot like my experience of depression and anxiety attacks. I also tried to take my own life. More than once. (Not super good at it. 
)
Anyways, my point is this. I don’t have anxiety attacks anymore. I very rarely go through 1-2 day bouts of being a bit bummed. I know, believe me I know, it feels like this is never going to end but it will. I promise it will. You can get through this, you can learn to cope with this, and with plenty of work you can beat whatever you’re going through.
Go to see a profession ASAP. And keep seeing a professional. It’s literally their jobs/life work to help you work through your problems. You don’t have to do this alone. And you shouldn’t do it alone. EVERYONE needs help to make it through this life. Please, please, please get help.
I am getting help but don’t feel any better for it. My head is messed up on so many levels.
I’m getting help but I don’t know why I still feel like this. The medication is messing me up, it feels like my body is falling through itself if that makes any sense. I cry most of the time, my heart races unbelievably quick, I’m shaking, constantly feeling cold and the thoughts in my head are uncontrollable. I want it to end.
I am sorry you are in so much pain.
I’m no therapist. I know what I do when I am most sad: put on my favorite music; snuggle with my cats; take a walk to water— a stream, pond, river, ocean, whatever body of water is within reach— I find it to be extremely soothing (when I was a kid I would go to pet stores and just watch the fish); and when I am able, I try to take stock of what good things I have (a warm apartment, a weekend, etc).
I learned a long time ago how to be alone— how to be happy and fulfilled even if I’m not in a relationship. It’s hard. When I was young, rejections in relationships were devastating for me. My despair was all I could see or feel or think about. It took a long time to get to a point where I became comfortable being on my own.
I don’t know the details of your situation but I do know I never found sustained happiness in other people when I didn’t have it in myself, first.
Congratulations on your strength in staying sober. I know it sounds stupid, but things do get better. I hope you take it easy on yourself and give yourself some time to grieve and to then rebuild yourself. It has always been my experience that pain eventually subsides.
I’m so weak at the moment, at least 3 times a day when standing/walking it feels like I’m going to pass out or fall asleep spontaneously. I can’t keep still when sitting and I have even noticed myself rocking and can’t even stop myself even though I’m thinking about it. I lost the family home due to gambling and my addiction to alcohol, cocaine, ecstasy and cannabis. I can see why she doesn’t trust me. I have been on my own for far too long but can’t find it in myself to go out and try to make new friends and with how I’m feeling and the medication I can’t see me doing anything like that soon
I’m really sorry to hear… I can relate to the depression and thoughts of suicide.
I have the very basic of accommodation, no carpets, a fridge, microwave, washing machine and a mattress with a duvet which if I’m not lying in it I sit on it.
Yes you are worth it. My first suicide attempt was when I was 17 and I’m almost 26. Sometimes I don’t want to move or get out of bed because I wpuld rather not face the world. But there’s a lot in life that I haven’t experienced yet. I want to know my life doesn’t end as a tragedy. I want to beat this depression, this displacement. Its good that you’re getting help. That’s a step in the right direction.
As someone with depression, I hate seeing others in pain. You can pull through this and we are all here for you if you ever need to talk. I know you feel alone. But you’re not 
you’ve got people who care. Right here. Stay strong. 
But that’s plenty— I work with people who are homeless and incarcerated: people who would love to have what you have. It keeps you dry in the rain. A place to be. Try if you can, to flip your perspective. You do have things to be grateful for. I know it’s hard to see right now.
Have you talked to your doctor about your symptoms and maybe about adjusting your medication?
I want my family back but that’s not going to happen and it’s my fault. I don’t want to start again with anyone else, I loved them all so much and still do but I did this to them and now I have lost it all.
I am so sorry and my thoughts are willing you to become stronger and resilient. I dont have answers i’m afraid, just wishing you well and hoping you can turn this around. Take care bro and be strong x
I’d love to offer advice but I’m a basket case myself rn. Find one thing you loved to do for yourself for you and start small. There are a lot of ppl on here that a great for help and advice.
The doctor said I’m not eating enough and if I was I would probably feel better. I just don’t have the motivation to make food most of the time and I only have the microwave so mainly eat crisps or chocolate. The amount of times I have put something in the microwave and left it there as I couldn’t be bothered to get it is ridiculous. I’m wasting food and wasting away at the same time.
You can do this, everyone makes mistakes in life. Ive had my fair share of them trust me and i’ve let down everyone that means anything to me in my life. But you are still sober and that means something, that’s an amazing accomplishment. To be dealing with all the stress that you are right now and still not getting high is really great. Stick with it and with this app. Your children will always forgive you as long as you try to make up to them the lost time. They will always love you and that’s what matters most. You got this, i believe in you!!! Stay strong and i 100% believe you are worth it too!! 