I realise that this is how you are feeling mate. But you can turn that around to say “I will do everything I can to see them again”
It will probably be a hard effort but with the goal of seeing your kids again, is it not worth the effort?
You know that we are all behind you!
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Hey im sorry your going through a really tough time right now.
In regards to the doctor saying you arent eating enough and you not having the energy to make food have you thought about asking for food supplements to help right now there are calorie filled milkshakes that you can get on presription or if not you can buy them or the powder version to mix with milk.
Just a thought i wish you well
How are you doing today??? Any better?
Sending lots of love and hugs! 
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Yes. I relate. I go in and out of horrible depressions. The medications I was given made me even worse…so now Im learning how to deal with it as part of my recovery. Its very hard. I have a good therapist and a very understanding sponsor. I still cant keep sharp objects or potentially harmful anything in my home…its been one year for me.
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Today again is not a good day. Had my councillor come round and I broke down in tears. I hate crying Infront of people, it makes me feel so weak and ashamed. I’m having suicidal thoughts and thinking of getting messed up on drink or drugs. The only thing stopping me from the latter is the medication messing me up. I hate how I’m feeling.
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There is absolutely nothing wrong with crying. I used to hide when I cried because I felt the same as you. Now if I feel like crying I cry as much and as long as I want/need to. Let it out. It’s good for you. Gosh I just want to reach out and give you a hug. I feel for you. I was at a point where I didn’t want to leave my house, I didn’t want to eat, I didn’t want to do anything. I was told to do anything to get through the day, minute to minute, hour to hour, or one day at a time. Do anything that doesn’t involve relapse of course. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I was left before after a 17 year marriage. I thought my life was over so I get it. But I swear to you it will get better!
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I can relate to this.
My ex left me and I fell into a dark hole. I contemplated suicide. I contemplated drinking myself to death. I contemplated getting back on meth and throwing everything even further away. However after all that thought, behind all the self destructive motives one could act impulsively on the voice in the back of my head kept reminding me of how far I’ve come. How just giving up would be the easy way out. That the only way to grow is to suffer! Because on the other side of all that suffering is something beautiful!
You can get thru this.
I believe in you, now you just have to believe in yourself!
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I’ve been there. I fucked up royally - something I expect most addicts can relate to - and my first wife ended our relationship. I almost ended my life but survived and in the aftermath dealt with so much pain. So much pain that I questioned almost constantly why I was still here. I can’t even imagine that anymore. Things have gotten so much better, even with my addiction and seemingly endless relapses, I’ve found people and a way of life that make me actually want to quit. That make me actually want to live. Just remember - if you left it all now you might never know the happiness that you could have had. So please stay, give yourself that chance.
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Ady, personally, I would say, well done for being open in front of your councillor mate.
There is nothing wrong in what you did and it could be the start of your opening up and becoming more accepting of yourself.
We are conditioned to believe that we don’t need other people, we can deal with shit ourselves! Especially men, I think, who have to be big and macho!
So I will congratulate you on starting to find yourself my friend. You know it’s going to be tough, but the more you open up, the better you will become.
None of us should do this alone.
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Addictive stay plugged in here daily. In time you will heal. Surrounding yourself with people that will give you strength, hope and encouragement is also helpful.
If you have spiratual faith, perhaps getting plugged in at a church maybe helpful. I joined an addiction support group at my church and it made a huge diffrence. Sending prayers and comfort. Take care.
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I cry every day I just don’t like doing it Infront of people. I hate trying to say something and end up speechless and start crying. I hate feeling the tears constantly rolling down my face. I hate feeling so weak. I hate having suicidal thoughts. I hate not having motivation. I hate being lonely. I hate feeling like this. I don’t know if it’s the medication or just a stage I’m at. I do still wish I was dead sometimes. I hate that I’m even writing this stuff. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me.
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It’s good to let it out on here. Vent away! I do😉
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Maybe I will look back on it one day and realise how far I have come. Right now I’m just so low.
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I could really do with a hug right now. I’m crying again now as I can’t remember the last time I had a hug
Man I feel for you, I really do. Sending virtual hugs for you now!
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Wish I could feel it though
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I think everyone has spent some time in that sad dark place. I know I have. In the past I drank to “cope”. Really I was just avoiding pain, but wasn’t healing, and healing is what you need.
My advice: get active. Walk in the sun and fresh air. Go for a jog. Do some exercise. All of these things release natural endorphins. If you’ve ever gone for a long run and just felt fantastic after, it’s the endorphins your body released. A natural painkiller and mood enhancer manufactured by your own body…awesome!
Listen to natural sounds audio. Waves on a beach. Rain storm. Birds at dawn. Visualize yourself walking on that beach, or strolling in the rain.
Meditate: picture the most peaceful place you’ve ever been. Zoom in to each little detail. A placid pond with a little mist floating on top. A bird on a branch looking for a tasty bug. A fish breaking the surface.
What you need to know is that you have the capacity to heal your own heart and mind, to be healthy and whole. It’s better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
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My medication is holding me back from doing things at the moment. Think I need to go back to the doctor. Even though he said it was due to my lack of eating but I just don’t have an appetite. I barely eat or sleep so constantly feeling tired. It’s my own fault I know.
Friend, this is an excuse. Did your medication paralyze you, so you can’t walk? Did it make you deaf, so you can’t listen to natural sounds? The only thing holding you back is your will to do something. Will yourself to do something positive, something proactive. This is called “self-rescue”.
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