Like others in the community I have a problem with binge drinking and moderation. I can not drink for several days but when I do I keep going.
What I’m struggling with at moment is my partners approach to alcohol. He doesn’t really think I have a problem I just drink too much sometimes. I told him I am quitting and he is fine with that as ‘he drinks less when I’m not drinking’ but he doesn’t see any reason to change routine. So pub evening weekends and glass of wine with weekend lunches. I know that I’m committed to sobriety this time but it upsets me that he can’t be more supportive. But I guess that is his own problem with alcohol (he wouldn’t even contemplate giving up - even for a short period like dry January). Anyhoo I’m doing this for me and has been helpful to share ahead of the weekend
Hi there and welcome! I understand your frustration and it can make it harder to resist when it’s around you, especially in the beginning. Does he have a problem with alcohol though or is it just a problem for you? Yes, your recovery is your responsibility and alcohol will be around pretty much wherever you go… maybe sit down and explain how important your sobriety is for you and ask if he would please reconsider reducing his intake around you just for the beginning until you feel stronger…
Hey there,
This must be a difficult time for you where you are at the beginning of your sober journey.
People who don’t have an issue with substances don’t understand not because they don’t want to but because they have never felt the struggle we do. They can have a drink and if they are finished with the alcohol they can leave it half full and not think twice on just knocking the rest down.
So at this point, what do you want to do??
If your husband having that drink because he has no issue is triggering what other ways can you you get your point across without anger/frustration being the way.
You’ve identified a boundary you need in place as its triggering!
The simple talk has not been effective.
Might a friendly text sent to his phone on articles of the struggles people feel with alcohol.
Source someone who has the knowledge or experience to tell your husband as hes not hearing/understanding it from you. Sometimes they don’t want to believe you have a problem so they dismiss it.
Sitting down and watching even a tv show/documentary with someone who has this struggle, so your husband can visually see the effect it has had on an actor/person. Then how you can relate to that programme
A letter from you breaking down why you want to be sober and why you need him to support you with the non drinking with you, perhaps he can go out with a friend for that drink.
There will be a way that you will get your other half to understand it from your view but like anything its the effort and the repeating of the same task to show how serious you are on stopping.
Ditto @anon27760155 not much I can add to that. Sending strength u can get ur partner to hear ur message.
Thank you for your responses. It is something I have to work through with him. He is very bought into the idea alcohol makes things special. An expensive bottle of wine is the ultimate treat. An activity, meal etc are not complete for him without alcohol. In isolation it has become much more focused as just the two of us and he doesn’t want to drink alone, and he doesn’t want to not drink so I feel I am somehow letting him down (this may be all in my head) which leads to feeling like a failure because I can’t be moderate. Tbf there are some other issues in relationship 
it’s useful to me to write and think about things
We live in a world where this drug is sociably acceptable you are not a failure, if you were told at birth that you were allergic to this drug and it is life threatening and paramount that you never drink. Would you say then its my fault?
You didn’t go out and think i’m going to make this drug an issue
Don’t be negative on yourself
I second @anon27760155. But also i suggest reading acceptance is the answer in tbe book. It talks about accepting my partner as she is nothing more and nothing less. I must remove my expectations and treat her like a sick felllow and everything is great. Untill my ‘rights’ move in. We can argue about what we think but we cant argue about what we feel. My girlfriend started hiding smoking from me to remove temltation as we smoked together all the time. I asked My partner not to change her routines for my problem. I do still get phases when i want to think she values her smoke over time with me or she shouldnt drink when we go out. I took her to dinner tonight and she got a beer while i had water and gingerale. I had a flash of ‘this is fucked up’. But thats my character defects of selfishness and self pity because im sick and shes not. When i think shes sick i trest her as such and i can focus on whats good about her and our relationship. You got this. Day at a time
Thanks @Hopedealer I don’t mind my partner drinking. I know that I don’t want to and total abstinence is what is right for me. I just need to be clear about my boundaries with him. I guess my fear - its not a long standing relationship, a couple of years - is it may become a deal breaker for him. But if it is then so be it.
Its unfortnuate but sometimes that is what happens. One person get sober, the other doesnt and refuses to respect the process or be mindful and the relationship ends. As bad as it sounds its not a bad thing. Thats growth, youve grown and since he lacks in that area or refuses he is stuck. And it shouldnt be so much a deal breaker for him as it is for you. Not saying your doomed here or to forget him because besides what you two have had you have learned alot about yourself and others along the way. We all fear being alone, its built into us as social creatures thats life. Its scary to be alone but from my experience so far in this journey of life and sobriety. We change much faster and grow different ways. And with that people will fall by the wayside. Not because they are bad but they dont support you in a healthy relationship wjatever it may be amd its not worth your time and theirs when someone ckuld really use your help or really understand you. Those are the people to hold onto. We tend to find them when we take care of us and find a better way of life.
Hi there and welcome!! I am just popping in quickly…our furniture finally arrives today after a month!! I just wanted to say it can and does take time for our partners to understand, as it is very different for them. It is a learning process for both of us and that is okay. No need to worry about long term, keep your focus on YOU being sober right now. 
When you are both sober, not hungover and well rested, have some discussions about your decision to go sober from all alcohol. That for you it isn’t a treat, it is a slippery slope that leads to shame, guilt and more. It can take time for your partner to understand this and that is okay.You don’t need to figure it out all at once. It is a process for you both. Tokigirl gives great advice above!!
Over the years there have been quite a few threads around this topic. I have a thread with a few you may find of interest. And please do know we can and do live with partners who still drink…sobriety is not a death sentence to all relationships. Honesty and communication and respect go a long way on both sides. My husband is much more conscious of his drinking now and knowledgeable on recovery than he was when I began this process and yes, he still drinks. Relationships are never perfect, but we certainly can and do have the ability to continue relationships with people who drink.
Here’s the link to threads…and keep reaching out!
And I will add that it can be helpful to keep your focus on your own sobriety right now, as that is hard enough in early days. It may sound selfish, but baby your sobriety and your self thru this early time…use your energy for sobriety…the relationship stuff can take a back burner while you use your energy to remain sober. We only have so much to give at a time…give to YOU first. 
I would hope your health and wellbeing would be more important than a bottle of wine. That he doesn’t see it that way seems to be more about his lack of understanding than his lack of support for you. I hope he can learn about your struggles. And giving it up himself would benefit him! Good luck.
I am going to focus on myself and my needs. I don’t really know what is in his head. Thoughts are not facts 
I’m going to enjoy the weekend and accept my fears and anxieties. I don’t know the future so I’m not going to second guess.
It has been good to get your advice. It’s my first time trying a support group although I have quit before (obviously not successfully or I wouldn’t be here 
). It has been reassuring to read the stories posted, and what others have experienced. I’m using a journal a lot this time which is really helping. Onwards and upwards feeling much more positive than I was earlier.
Your story is my exact story at home to a tee. Everything from how he views my drinking to how he thinks about alcohol and incorporates it into his life. He is supportive of my sobriety but has no plans to stop drinking himself. I’ve found that I just do other things when he drinks. This community has been good to focus on myself.