I absolutely love history as well. When yah get a chance, look up Kings and Generals on YouTube. I’m a Patreon of that channel as well and it’s hands down one of the best Historical channel’s on YouTube right now. They cover everything you can think of. Chinese, European, Rome, South America, North America, etc.
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Just subscribed! Thanks! 
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Maybe a dumb question or something I should know but what is PAWS?
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Post acute withdrawal syndrome. Can linger for up to a year usually. Can cause anxiety, depression, ect.
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I used for 20 years pretty solid so when I got clean (like others have said) I had to learn to live without using. I think of my addiction as a child I raised for 20 years. That child was taken away from me so it was depressing!! After trying everything I finally surrendered to a 12 step program because I got some identification when I seen people living life happy and not in the grip of addiction. I wanted that. I kept going to meetings til I wanted to go. I got a lot of good suggestions on how to live life. Through working the 12 steps and bettering myself I have found that my depression is manageable and way less than in early recovery. I remember crying for no reason at times. I used drink and drug to not feel for a long time, so when I quit all the emotions came back and it was tough. I too am a single parent and have been getting through it pretty good since I have been working a program. Me and our boys mom are doing good co parenting tho. If I wouldn’t have had a program I would probably be right back out there ripping and running. In the program I work we have lots of functions where we all get together and have a bunch of fun. Just had a canoeing trip last month and next month there is a family fun day. Going to these events and getting plugged into the recovery community was crucial for me. I had to see the evidence that life can still be fun without using!
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One of my favorite pastimes is reading fiction - it offers a safe escape from my life and helps my imagination to stay active while I take a pause from my current problems. I find that when I come back after I’ve lost myself in a novel for a few hours, I’m refreshed and I feel that my life is more manageable.
Arguably, I’ve had some books that were as addictive as any substance I’ve taken - I couldn’t stop thinking about them… I’d leave early for work so that I could have an extra 10 minutes in the car to read before my day started. It’s a “safe” addiction that helped me find ways to patch those anticipatory moments when I need something to help me move forward to the next thing
I know how you feel - you’ll find your own thing eventually that will help you to fill the hole alcohol has left. Be patient with yourself and enjoy your best you
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How have I not heard of this?! That makes a lot of sense. I’ve still felt like I have a small baseline anxiety level. Not NEARLY as bad as when I was drinking. But that gives me hope that it might ease up a little. It’s only been 4.5 months. Thanks!
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Yes, just get through those days, it eventually goes away. Fish oil, and exercise helps it. Have a good one!
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I know the feeling very well Jen. For me, it’s Emotional Blunting. It can be brought on by depression (that’d be me) or the drugs used to treat depression. I spend long periods working on my own and it really doesn’t help.
I guess you need to tip the balance towards healthy introspection, rather than abyss staring!
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Hey 
…you’re going to be absolutely fine so long as you don’t pick up,I had a time of about ten days ABSOLUTE BOREDOM!!..it was hard and I had no idea how to just sit still and chill out…the women’s hormonal rollercoaster group may help? It’s on here if you search for it…
Also I had started the step work but I’d been avoiding it for a few weeks,and once I’d picked up the pen and started answering the step questions I concentrated on my self …I am working on myself by doing those stepwork questions,I can’t do meditation or anything for longer than 2 weeks that could actually help me spiritually because I have been a drunk and an addict for half of my life and have no clue on how normal people go up and down and deal with it!!..so the stepwork helps me deal with being ‘normal’…and points out where I could be better and change some of my ways…(I’ve only just finished reading out step 2 to my sponsor today and I’m 108 days…) It helps and it works 
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Very real post i can relate a lot
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For me it was understanding myself on a deeper level that helps managing the empty nothingness. Just the lack of stimulants on my brian the imbalance of chemicals. Not flooding it with dopamine and getting that quick fix, to make life worth while, anymore is a shock for our brains to be cut off from the feel good effect. That along with mental health issues i deal with can give me the feeling. I just need to learn how to get out of myself, help others and give my time to those in need find more meaning to life other than just what i can attain or accomplish. Always another mountain to climb, exercise and meditation always a good tool to manage for me self-care is very important too i find a massage to be beneficial when ever i can get the time.
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I experience this often… The "what now? " feeling or “is this it?” Etc…
It happens. Its life…
All you can do is wake up each day, remember the things you enjoy, the things that make you happy, the small things in life, like coffee, going to nice walks, the smell of your favorite flower, the feelings of happiness you get when you do something good for someone else… Etc.
I find that if I focus on the little things in life that I enjoy, the bigger picture of over all happiness and joyous daily momentum kind of just over flows into each day…
I havnt found my lifes passion, but I do know what makes me happy …coffee, good fashion and clothes, make up and beauty, cute puppies and birds, active wear, working out sometimes, cheese, pasta, the Sunday news papers, sunrises, the wilderness and big forests, cold winter mornings, making people laugh, fresh new lux bed linen, candles, a warm apartment, fairy lights … Thats just the non negotiables of what equals a happy life to me…
If I follow the impulses towards those things, I feel that the rest of my days do fall into the enjoyable category…
I hope that helps and makes sense…
Follow what makes you happy In a nutshell 
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The below youtube is interesting, at the 14 min mark it talks about the topic of this thread… The whole video is a good watch , but pay attention to the 14 min mark and on… Enjoy 
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I am 9 days sober from benzos and barbiturates and I can relate to you by not feeling nothing, or can’t get excited about anything. Someone told me that my brain is rewired from the pills and it’ll take a good bit of time for the wiring to get back to somewhat normal, like I have a chemical imbalance now. (Hope this makes sense) we have to learn how to be happy again, how to be excited again and we have to do that on our own without drugs or alcohol and it won’t happen over night. I think you should make a bucket list of things you want to do and do them, get excited to do them and hopefully something in your brain will click and you’ll slowly feel like “yes, there is more to life”. Don’t let the depression take over, you’ve already achieved so much, 6 months sober is amazing!!! There’s always a positive in every negative thing, search for the positive things and I am sure you’ll overcome this. 
hugs
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I was also wondering what it meant too.
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Boredom is just a label for the feeling of loneliness. Yes, go to AA Meetings, get a sponsor, work the 12 Steps, and you will make life long sober friends while doing these things. It will help tremendously with the boredom/loneliness.
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Thank you. I think ive just had another sign today that I need to do this so I’ve looked up some meetings that I can attend as of next week. First one being a zoom meeting on monday… with the physical meetings, do you just turn up or go you have to call first? Idk how it works and I couldnt see any instructions on the page.
Thanks
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This is wild. He talks about that anticipation feeling I was talking about. Thought I’d leave a link for anyone reading.
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