Take the addiction away, now feel like I have nothing to look forward to/cant get excited about anything

Life in Recovery
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Urgh. I’m really struggling with this atm… I know what it is (I think… ) but just need to talk it over with people who get it.

For a little while now I cant shake the feeling that everything is just flat, like I have nothing to look forward to and even when I DO make plans, well it just doesn’t cut it as far as how happy or excited it makes me feel. I keep making goals and achieving them, but everytime I get there it’s just this feeling of “meh, ok, now what?”. I wake up feeling empty and just like I’ve got nothing to get out of bed for. Like something is missing.

I’m thinking maybe because now I’m living a “clean” lifestyle which I’m not really used to (yet) so I’m not getting that buzz of looking forward to drinking? I stopped vaping which has been a vice for me for years (prior to that I was a smoker but changed for the vape) and other than that my life hasnt really changed. Which should be a good thing saying as how I have a nice life apart from the drinking which is now gone (6 months in) Its hard to explain but it’s just this constant feeling of flatness and like nothing lifts me up no matter what I do. And every thing i try doesn’t make any difference. I’m not going to drink because I know it wont change anything, but I guess that’s why I drank all along to get a break from this never ending feeling of nothingness. I feel like I should be doing something but idk what else, 12 steps maybe??

I’ve noticed I’m doing things like shopping more, so buying things for the house/decorating just soni can have that “ooh got something new!” Feeling but it lasts literally seconds so that’s a waste of time. I dont and wont do anything more extreme (although the thought of dating has entered my mind but I know that’s just for another distraction so isnt a good idea) so wtf am I supposed to do!? Just sit and feel like shit forever?

Just a side note, I DO have depression which I’m being medicated for so it could be that too. :eyes:

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It’s normal to feel like that. I’ve been through some up and down times emotionally, feeling flat on a lot of days, feeling really angry others. Maybe that was PAWS, maybe it’s just life? Two things that helped me tremendously were a daily guided meditation, 5-20 minutes depending on my availability, and physical training. I started with a single 5k run one year and added more races and distance and challenge since then.

Blessings on your house :pray:.

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For me, when I got sober I had to learn how to live again. I never truly realized how much drinking consumed my life. As the sober days added up, I learned more about myself. Life did get better, and still does.

It was weird in the beginning, I quickly found out some of the things “I loved”…I really didnt like. For example, watching sports. I was bored out of my mind watching them sober. It dawned on me, I watched sports because it was an excuse to drink.

I wrote a list of everything I ever wanted to do, learn and try. Being sober gave me the time and money to tackle that list. It was a neat process, as it helped me to start finding out who I really am.

Great job on coming on here and talking about how you are feeling!

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Hopefully not! But maybe some sitting and waiting is needed. I don’t know, I have found that often when I am searching for solutions it can be counter productive. I get so caught up in the fixing that I forget to do the accepting. And when I am in a place of acceptance, the right changes seem to come along.

Things will change - feelings, situations, our reactions. It won’t always be awesome but it won’t always be shit either. I know I found that to be a feature of my depression, expecting it to last forever. Knowing it will pass and actually believing it are two different things…

Antidepressants may help or hinder the emotional side, this changes over time too. How long have you been on those meds? Finding the right one and dose can be a process of trial and error so do keep in touch with your GP as much as you’re able.

It does take time to adjust to sober life and find the fun once the shine wears off. The good news is it is there to be had, and hopefully now with covid restrictions easing you will have more chances to find your new sober groove! :hugs:

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Thank you all for the replies. I’m reading and appreciate them. My mind has taken a blank right now so I’ll reply when I’m able to form a proper response :hugs::hugs:

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During the early months of my (still) newly founded sobriety, I would sit in my room and think alone in my thoughts. I was restless and trying to figure out how I can satiate this growing desire to do something.
I stopped listening to music and decided to start listening to music again. I can’t rationalize (now) why I stopped listening to music. Then, I decided to take the woman (now wife) I was talking to more seriously. She was in the National Guard like I used to be and then one day, I thought to myself, “Why the hell did I even get out in thr first place? I’m going to rejoin.” and just like that, I did.
Anger… I was so angry in the beginning. I would be just so angry with myself. One day, I got into a pretty petty argument with my then girlfriend. Just for like, no reason. Later on, while I was with my big brother, he told me…“Carlos, why are you so angry all the time?” and that question just ate at me and I swore to control and channel that rage and anger I had welling inside of me into something positive.
Improving myself became a driving force in my life. To become a better version of myself. Leading by example, opening myself to different views, Religion’s, talking to complete and utter strangers and helping everyone and anyone that asks for it (if it’s within my power).
Something keeps pushing me to do more, go farther and I’m just going with it. You (like me) drank and partied for so long that you don’t know anything else. You have to rediscover that drive that drove you but this time for something positive. Something that’s for you. You’re getting there my friend. You’re asking the right questions for guidance. Keep asking those questions here and more importantly, to yourself and I promise you that you’ll find that meaning that we’ve all yearned for.

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Getting out into nature helps me clean out my head and open up space for new neuroses. Not always better ones, or healthful ones, but sometimes and more often then not.

These new fixations will occasionally lead to brief excursions into happy adventureland, which is better than suicidal ideation and uncontrollable anger.

So maybe try taking a walk, and seeking out new interests? I’m totally serious. We have to shift around our perspectives and break out of old routines if we really want to see our lives and how we feel change.

Doing the same things over and over, and thinking the same things over and over leads back to where we started. At some point we have to move on, if change is what we want. Getting clean and sober is a huge step, but like you said, there has to be something to look forward to afterwards. Nobody can tell you exactly what that is or should be, people can only give examples of what worked for them.

In my case I dived back into creative work and started writing stories as a hobby. Between those two things and raising a little boy, I have more than enough to get motivated about each day.

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Hi there and congrats on getting sober. This is completely normal, this feeling of “flatness”. It was even a topic of discussion at one of my TLC (The Luckiest Club) zoom meetings. Speaking of which, do you participate in a sober community? I do my AA local meetings, and now hang out socially with some of them. I do online TLC meetings and flipping love the connection. There are members from all over the US and other countries. Lastly, the meet up app might be fun to get engaged locally in different interest groups (hiking, tennis, professional, food). Just know that this flat feeling is normal, and will pass!

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I’ve been struggling a lot with this feeling ever since I became sober. Drinking was the only thing I used to look forward too and that is obviously now gone. The boredom can at times be very challenging, and I’ve been constantly working to stay busy and find new hobbies.

@Solanaceae Thank you for posting the original post and just know that you’re not alone!

Everyone else…thank you guys for your replies! They’ve helped me as well.

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I feel the EXACT same way. I feel like a major source of “pleasure” has been removed. Have you read This Naked Mind? It talks about how your brain chemistry rewires and the euphoric high that you got from things in life are lessened bc of alcohol. The alcohol was giving you an artificial high and causing your body to try and balance all the releases of hormones blah blah blah. It’s a very science-y reason. But basically it takes time for the things in life that used to give you pleasure to get back to that same level. But they will. Alcohol threw everything out of whack including the way we are wired to enjoy life. I don’t know if that makes sense at all. I really recommend the book. It aims to take away the desire to drink, not just work on still wanting to but making the choice not to. Hope that made sense!!

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I am experimenting with using a roll of the dice for some of my activities: which workout I’ll do, which route I take to work, which meal I’ll eat. It’s a little change but it adds mystery and anticipation to my day.

I have a few lists I keep & I mix them up. You can use a real dice or you can use an app.

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That’s really cool, I like that idea!

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I can really relate to what you’ve said here. From feeling like everything I’m doing is a chore with no reward, to trying to find a ‘spark’ with buying something new.

What I ended up doing about the first part, is I found hobbies and other things in life that I felt were rewarding. Everything I did before revolved around drinking… so when I took that away, I was shocked at how little I actually did.

I got into self help books and podcasts, which really helped with my recovery in the beginning. Instead of putting all my energy towards drinking every day, I put all that energy towards my recovery. I also got into other hobbies not revolving around sobriety, but still made sure those hobbies would support it.

What are you interested in?

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Awww thank you all so much for the replies :hugs:

No I haven’t read that book actually but I’ve just ordered it so will read when it arrives. I think itd be good for me as I like learning about the psychology behind my actions/behaviours. I’m sure it will explain a lot :sweat_smile:

I’m mostly interested in history and nature. Right now I’m learning about the Tudor period. Fascinating stuff but pretty complicated! My plan is to work my way through the centuries, so then I have a sort of mental time map in my head. I know plenty of stuff but it’s all messy and confusing :sweat_smile: so I really want to get into that again.
Nature wise, I was signed up to help out at a community garden but I chickened out of going, not really sure why I guess I wasnt feeling up to it. Little late to go now as it’s the school holidays so I don’t have time but maybe I can go once the little one is back at school.
I’m really into psychology and biology too but that’s more just to learn about myself really.
I love walking in nature, I could (and probably should!) do that every day.

Medication… well I was taking citalopram but that made me like a zombie so they changed it to fluoxetine around 4 weeks ago, working well in the sense I’m not like a zombie anymore and it’s really helped with my anxiety, I didnt actually realise how unwell I was with that until it’s been eased, it was really bad :disappointed_relieved:. Depression wise, doesn’t seem to have done a lot but I guess it’s still early days.

I’ve been thinking it over today, so I was a weekend binge drinker mostly, and during the week I’d feel like how I do now but I always knew I had that “session” to look forward to at the end of the week. Even when I was younger and was partying heavily, I remember the feeling of excitement in the days running up to it. It’s mainly the anticipation of something “fun” happening I think I’m missing, because with drinking, it wasnt always the drinking I enjoyed, it was the run up to it and the expectation of how fun it was going to be (although it rarely was but I guess I tricked myself into believing it was) so, I dont actually want to drink, I want and need something to look forward to? Just something for me that’s mine.
I’m a busy single mum and I do a lot during the week but nothing that’s enriching for me personally, theres a lot of running around and trying to make a little person happy but nothing for me if that makes sense… my old treat was to get drunk at home on my own :face_with_raised_eyebrow::woman_facepalming:

So anyway, I got intouch with my friend and we’re going to go away together for a day or two. I dont know where it, not far with all the covid stuff, may even just he a night of camping but I really need something to look forward to which wont involve looking after other people.

I guess I’m just worn out from monotony, doing a lot but getting nothing in return.

I like the dice idea too but I feel like if I did that I’d cheat myself :sweat_smile: “ooh I rolled on lasagne for dinner… but I really want Chinese :thinking: sold! Chinese it is! :rofl:”

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Little weekend getaways are SO good for the soul. Helps with that anticipation too during the week. I get the not having “me” time especially when they are littles. Hope this flatness passes soon!

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You need a new obsession to focus on.

What else do you like doing?

Gym, running, holidays, swimming

How about MMA, Muay Thai or BJJ?

I could point you to some good Brazilian Jui Jitsu practitioners up your way

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Your mind is still repairing, and PAWS lingers for a while. Start excercising thats what gives my mind a reward nowadays, i almost feel high when i get into a good gym workout.

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@DarrenUK and @Mike_Gee you know, I’ve really been trying to get into exercise for a while now but I just CAN NOT get into it. Walking I’m fine because I’m not really concentrating on the walking I’m more taking in my surroundings… soooo, (and touching on what @SinceIAwoke said about running earlier) I’m going give c25k a try again. I enjoyed when I was first doing it and its outside soooo :woman_shrugging:
I’m really into healthy eating/nutrition so the exercise was supposed to go hand in hand with that but idk what’s wrong with me I’m just finding so difficult to get motivated, I never used be like this, I was quite active at one point but it feels like it’s more effort than I have to give right now.

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Yep do it- are there any sober meet-ups near you?

Park Run is starting on the 24th July again. You’ll have one near you

It’s a 5k no pressure route with runners of all abilities. You can even power walk. You can even take your kiddy

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