I agree, I understand what the people here are saying after talking about it. I consider myself day #1 sober after my relapse last night on other drugs (alcohol/weed/ecstasy). I’m planning on seriously not throwing myself into party environments anymore. I know it’s only day one, but trust I’m sticking to staying sober from everything now.
You will see, in time I’ll prove myself by not attending parties and whatnot. Only time will tell if I’m actually sticking to my words. As meaningless as these words I’m saying might be to you, I KNOW that I will no longer throw myself into a party environment. I’ll prove this to you. Watch and see!
I hope for your sake you do.
In the beginning I didn’t go to a lot of places/events to build a new way of living but it’s a small sacrifice.
I also found ways to keep occupied, went to recovery meetings, I painted my brothers house, volunteered dog walked for the elderly, did some studying on a new language. There is a lot of ways to stay away from parties
I’ve now been on sober holidays overseas and concerts etc and love it all. It was worth it in the end.
I admitted my mistakes to my CA sponsor. He told me we cannot book again until I have a week sober once again. I accept that I made mistakes, and so I’ll redeem myself and continue to be sober. But only time will tell. But I am determined now to seriously do whatever I have to do to stay sober
Geographically speaking, my closest friends are hundreds of kilometres away. My best friend lives across an ocean. Most of my current friends are people I have never met in person. But I enjoy my own company, so most of the time I don’t mind. Sometimes I do wish a friend could physically be nearby, and sometimes I do get lonely. It’s manageable. If I can manage not having IRL friends in the typical sense, you can manage it (and you’re not at that point yet). Just take things one step at a time. Maybe some of those friends will still want to hang out in other ways, without substances involved. Won’t really know unless you try.
It’s easiest to make friends when you share a common experience, activity, or interest. All you really have to do is make sure that shared interest isn’t getting high/drunk, and you’re off to a good start. So do things that you enjoy, where other people are doing the same.
The hardest parts are patience with the process, and going out of your comfort zone a lot.
Here’s a few things to start with. These are categories where I’ve actually gone out there with the purpose of making friends, and had success in making initial connections. (growing the initial connections is a different topic I won’t get into right now)
Recreational sports: reasonably affordable if you’re not struggling to make rent and pay bills. You can often join a rec league as an individual player and get assigned to a team. People are very friendly and if nothing else you get exercise, and you get out of the house and feel like you did something.
Volunteering: this is a really great one. The people are friendly, and are already happy you are there. Lots of opportunity for conversation. You meet the same people all the time, it’s much easier to get to know people. You can learn new skills or try an entirely different field. You have to go out of your comfort zone, but it can really pay off.
Industry events: this depends on industry and location, of course, but even in a small city far from any kind of big centre, I was able to attend a fair few events held by the local tech industry.
And I wouldn’t discount online friendship entirely. If you have people online you’ve formed deep connections with, and all it would take for them to meet the criteria of “IRL friend” was to teleport their house onto your street to satisfy a spatial technicality, then that is a real friend. No, it isn’t and won’t be the same as an IRL connection. But it can be real. If I didn’t have Real internet friends I would not be where I am today.
You have already had many tips and information to help you.
If you are interested in reading more I would advice this thread. It’s all about quitting and avoiding relapses and how to do all that.
I had a few relapses myself and I know how they mess with your mind. But if you play your cards right this could be your last.
If you stay sober awhile you will realize that what you are missing out on wasn’t worth it and the people were the same as alcohol itself…Empty. I have known a lot of people that drugs and alcohol put into an early grave and it’s not a noble legacy to leave. You can be a lot more than an alcoholic.
We are all rooting that you can prove this to yourself. You have a very dedicated, experienced and caring team behind you. Lean on us but know the work has to come from you. Here is hoping we all have an amazing sober day.
Committed I meant* I use determined in the way you mean committed usually, that’s why I said determined like that. Only time will tell, but I’m confident that the days will keep increasing. I have a plan for next time my friends try to invite me to a party environment
I know you’re hella young, and going out is tempting.
I’ve been to parties where I was shot at. I got jumped, and my ribs fractured, and I had to pay over 2k in medical bills. Didn’t get a cent from the “homies.” I don’t even talk to any of these dudes anymore. I don’t even get a text from them to see how I am doing. Sobriety shows people their true colors. I opened up to some of these guys, and all they did was clown. Fuck em. Anyway, I wish I had a time machine to go back and change everything. Let this be your time machine, John Conner. You don’t have to go through that shit too. Partying and clubbing aint worth it.
Parties never made me drink. Parties werent a cause of my alcoholism.
You stop going to parties, what happens when stress hits. I read on here how stressful days cause relapse all the time.
What made me a drunk…was simply me. How I looked at life, how i treated myself, my inability to face life and all of life’s challenges on life’s terms.
Getting sober for me was a process…skipping events, is a good first step.
Hey guys I’m not normally one to call in the reigns and I loved a lot of the contributions here, lots of wisdom, I don’t mean to throw any shade - but maybe let’s let our young friend get back to the grind first of all and I’m sure he’ll check in w us very soon. Y’all know he can’t stop himself w the topics.
Good luck @john_connor1337, soak up the words you got here, open and read through the suggested pages. And let us hear how you getting on. Ah yes and do your leg days.
Okay my bad, maybe I’m being too sensitive right now. A lot of people in my life, like outside of TalkingSober were picking on me a lot and maybe it’s just tripping me out
