I’m sorry for letting you guys and my sponsor and myself and my dad down once again by deciding to go out last night and get drunk. I even took a stupid sketchy random ecstasy pill from this guy I didn’t even know last night too. Enough is enough, I’m done disappointing everyone! I will NOT go out to party ever again! I have to be better than I am right now! Fuck the FOMO!!!
You guys are right, if I keep playing with fire, I’ll eventually relapse on my DOC, or even worse end up dead. I’m stopping this now. RIGHT NOW!!! No more parties, clubs, bars, raves, etc. No no no!!!
I appreciate you guys for helping me work through this. I will NOT let you guys down anymore!!!
When I see myself letting other people down, it lets me down as well. You’re right that I don’t know more than veteran members here. I need to follow closer in their footsteps. I’m making this change now, I swear on it.
God, I feel like such a piece of shit today. I feel like a failure.
Now reverse that thought process. When you don’t go out with your mates or hang and party with them, do you feel you’re letting them down??
You can’t live to appease everyone John Connor . You can only do this right once you lose the mindset of doing it for others. This is your life! Your only obligation is to live one that works for you…
Youre not a failure if u learn from your mistakes just keeping moving forward one step at a time. It sounds like ur ready to make more changes. If ur ever unsure about something (like wether or not to attend an event etc) come on here first we can give u a different perspective
I’m really sorry bud and everyone can flag me if they want - You are not listening to what anyone is advising g you - You really need to get out of your own way. And I’m saying this because your enthusiasm is the right place but your motivation isn’t and you have it in you!
Do you really think that I feel let down by your drinking and using drugs? It doesn’t affect me in the slightest other than I’m just expecting it because your posts don’t really reflect any kind of self-accountability and that is what recovery is all about. If you want to go and get some more chaos, go for it - Honestly. Let me know if the hangovers suck less yet.
You have got to start doing this for YOU. Don’t worry about anybody else right now, not us, not your family, no-one - worry about yourself! Addiction is a battle with your own mind - if you drink a bottle of bleach, you’re the one that’s going to suffer, no-one else - So stop telling us that you’re going to stop drinking and using because you’re letting US down, stop doing it because you don’t want to die!
Fine, I’ll avoid parties and whatnot for MYSELF then. Going to a party did not make me feel good, it made me feel like crap today. I don’t want to party anymore.
I may only be day #1 sober again right now, but the days will keep increasing as I start avoiding parties. This is a promise I’m making to myself then.
It’s just trippy navigating all this sobriety mindset stuff I feel like it’s so different than the life I used to live. But I’ll figure it out in time. Thanks
When you don’t go out with your mates or hang and party with them, do you feel you’re letting them down??
I suppose, yes. I realize that ALL my friends use substances or at least drink when we would hangout. The thing that scares me about letting those friends down is: I feel like eventually they won’t be my friends anymore, and then I’d have no friends at all IRL. I get lonely when I don’t see people for a while. Where can I go to meet friends IRL who just wanna hangout sober? I feel like I need to find people like that, but I’m not sure where to look. Thanks for the inputs guys
The lifestyle change ive taken is extremely hard and boring sometimes but im slowly finding new things to do other than pubs and drinking at home , yes i miss a few mates but they are only people who i got drunk with.
But its definitely worth it feel better mentally & physically
It’ll be different I suppose for everyone man. I’m in later 50’s and most of my friend group are pretty successful individuals, and while many do still party a bit harder than they should, we don’t really have that vibe or relationship. Plus many do not drink much if at all.
My finding friends will be different than you. I’m quite happy as an introvert and enjoy my gym time, bike, hiking alone.
If I recall, you live in a big city, I’m sure there are tons of sober groups to hang out with. You live the gym, I know many that go to gym and there health and fitness is there main focus. Find them. My son is 21 and he doesn’t drink much at all. He enjoys his sober friends at gym, golf, hiking and or hanging out at library…
I think you need to find yourself, figure out who you wish to be. Practice some stoicism, be happy in your own company and figure it out from there.
Definitely cannot answer that question for you John, only you can…build a network of sober friends with common interests.
I’ve been reading your posts and have noticed that you only seemed concerned with being sober/clean etc from one drug…
In my experience that rarely works, swapping coke for ecstasy is relapsing (IMO)
I haven’t seen anyone personally be successful in this method, in fact I know a few people from rehab that were adament that they only needed to quit one thing and kept doing others and it hasn’t ended well (death if it needs spelling out)
If you’re serious about getting and staying sober/clean you have to get serious not just say words.
Also on the friend thing, I have friends, some in recovery some who are not but it’s not about them it’s about me.
I choose who I hang out with.
I choose where I go.
I choose sobriety.
I agree, I understand what the people here are saying after talking about it. I consider myself day #1 sober after my relapse last night on other drugs (alcohol/weed/ecstasy). I’m planning on seriously not throwing myself into party environments anymore. I know it’s only day one, but trust I’m sticking to staying sober from everything now.
You will see, in time I’ll prove myself by not attending parties and whatnot. Only time will tell if I’m actually sticking to my words. As meaningless as these words I’m saying might be to you, I KNOW that I will no longer throw myself into a party environment. I’ll prove this to you. Watch and see!
I hope for your sake you do.
In the beginning I didn’t go to a lot of places/events to build a new way of living but it’s a small sacrifice.
I also found ways to keep occupied, went to recovery meetings, I painted my brothers house, volunteered dog walked for the elderly, did some studying on a new language. There is a lot of ways to stay away from parties
I’ve now been on sober holidays overseas and concerts etc and love it all. It was worth it in the end.
I admitted my mistakes to my CA sponsor. He told me we cannot book again until I have a week sober once again. I accept that I made mistakes, and so I’ll redeem myself and continue to be sober. But only time will tell. But I am determined now to seriously do whatever I have to do to stay sober
Geographically speaking, my closest friends are hundreds of kilometres away. My best friend lives across an ocean. Most of my current friends are people I have never met in person. But I enjoy my own company, so most of the time I don’t mind. Sometimes I do wish a friend could physically be nearby, and sometimes I do get lonely. It’s manageable. If I can manage not having IRL friends in the typical sense, you can manage it (and you’re not at that point yet). Just take things one step at a time. Maybe some of those friends will still want to hang out in other ways, without substances involved. Won’t really know unless you try.
It’s easiest to make friends when you share a common experience, activity, or interest. All you really have to do is make sure that shared interest isn’t getting high/drunk, and you’re off to a good start. So do things that you enjoy, where other people are doing the same.
The hardest parts are patience with the process, and going out of your comfort zone a lot.
Here’s a few things to start with. These are categories where I’ve actually gone out there with the purpose of making friends, and had success in making initial connections. (growing the initial connections is a different topic I won’t get into right now)
Recreational sports: reasonably affordable if you’re not struggling to make rent and pay bills. You can often join a rec league as an individual player and get assigned to a team. People are very friendly and if nothing else you get exercise, and you get out of the house and feel like you did something.
Volunteering: this is a really great one. The people are friendly, and are already happy you are there. Lots of opportunity for conversation. You meet the same people all the time, it’s much easier to get to know people. You can learn new skills or try an entirely different field. You have to go out of your comfort zone, but it can really pay off.
Industry events: this depends on industry and location, of course, but even in a small city far from any kind of big centre, I was able to attend a fair few events held by the local tech industry.
And I wouldn’t discount online friendship entirely. If you have people online you’ve formed deep connections with, and all it would take for them to meet the criteria of “IRL friend” was to teleport their house onto your street to satisfy a spatial technicality, then that is a real friend. No, it isn’t and won’t be the same as an IRL connection. But it can be real. If I didn’t have Real internet friends I would not be where I am today.
You have already had many tips and information to help you.
If you are interested in reading more I would advice this thread. It’s all about quitting and avoiding relapses and how to do all that.
I had a few relapses myself and I know how they mess with your mind. But if you play your cards right this could be your last.
If you stay sober awhile you will realize that what you are missing out on wasn’t worth it and the people were the same as alcohol itself…Empty. I have known a lot of people that drugs and alcohol put into an early grave and it’s not a noble legacy to leave. You can be a lot more than an alcoholic.
. You can only do this right once you lose the mindset of doing it for others. This is your life! Your only obligation is to live one that works for you…
just keeping moving forward one step at a time. It sounds like ur ready to make more changes. If ur ever unsure about something (like wether or not to attend an event etc) come on here first we can give u a different perspective 
I feel like it’s so different than the life I used to live. But I’ll figure it out in time. Thanks 
but im slowly finding new things to do other than pubs and drinking at home , yes i miss a few mates but they are only people who i got drunk with.
feel better mentally & physically
