after 12 days, had my first relapse. I dont want to talk about the specifics. Believe me, I am a master at self punishment. Just full of guilt, shame and disappointment.
4 Likes
Yesterday i also relapsed. I was feeling so bad that a didnāt want to talk with anyone about it, even in this forum.
I am glad you want to talk about it hereā¦
1st of all I would say, forgive yourself. Donāt punish yourself for this relapse.
Do the things to feel better, hangout with family or friends, call any friend, anything to feel good.
The more you feel bad about the relapse more you go backward in your progress. See the positive side 12 wins 1 lose.
Relapse are part of this process, it depends on us how do we take these relapses.
Do not let the 12 days wasted just for 1 relapse.
Have a good day friend.
Start with more energy from tomorrow.
4 Likes
Hi Joe. I am sorry to hear you are feeling bad. I just finished watching a video shared in a recent thread by @Chiron. It talks about the reason we canāt stop after one drink. I found the most meaningful part if the video for me being around 40 to 45 minutes in until the end when it talks about brain chemistry. Instead of beating yourself up this morning, consider taking an hour to watch the video. Educating yourself to promote change is better than self loathing in my opinion. Hang in there.
2 Likes
I doubt thereās anyone on here who didnāt relapse at least once. I had a bunch of short quits, 2 weeks, even a month or so. All it took was one drink, the drink that mattersā¦the first drink, and I was right back on the merry-go-round of alcohol abuse. The thing is, all of my relapsing was done before I discovered the TS application even had a forum. Up until my last day drinking, all I had used the app for was for the counter.
You havenāt lost those 12 days. They are waiting for you right where you left them: the place where you decided to step off of the sober path.
Get back on the path. Itās not the easy path. Itās the hard path. Itās the path of freedom. Donāt spend too much time looking behind you. Your future isnāt there. Nope. Itās in front of you. Turn around and keep walking, one step, one day at a time. Keep moving forward, even when you have to crawl.
The best part of the path is thereās lots of beautiful souls who are walking the same path. Some ahead of you. Some behind you. Some beside you.
Get back after it.
10 Likes
Youāre here, which speaks volumes. Next time you want to pick up the bottle again, log in and chat. Itās stopped me on multiple occasions. Good luck.
Hey there! Iāve relapsed also yesterday, after 60 days sober., feel so bad. But we are all in this together and weāre hereto support each other. Feel always free to share your feelings weāre here for you
chin up stand tall move on.
Thatās all done now, time to write the next chapter. 
1 Like
This sounds like youāre planning on having more. Please try to change that thought to āonly relapseā. Get back up, dust yourself off and try again. They say the relapse starts before you actually relapse. Try to identify what you were doing and thinking the day before to help you going forward. Then come on here the next time youāre in that same mindset. Weāre all here cheering you on.
4 Likes
I debated if I even wanted to come back here. I did. And I am starting over again.
1 Like
I am f ing weak, thatās what happened. Harsh I know, but I see a bottle and I canāt walk away?
2 Likes
your not weak your ill, donāt blame yourself. Iām sure when someone asked you what you wanted to be when you grow up you didnāt reply an alcoholic 
. Heal the mind and the rest will come.
2 Likes
Below is the thread @Roundkick was talking about if youāre interested. I know itās difficult, but try not to be so hard on yourself. Thereās more in play than just your will power. Just go forward from today. This time you got 12 days, next time will be more. Just keep trying and eventually youāll make it.
2 Likes
Well if your weak why even botherā¦
Thats not the point. Imma be straight with you.
Stop wining and hitting youself over the head.
It wonāt do jack shit for getting you in to your recovery.
And not talking about your relapses, doing shit alone doesnāt doe jack either.
The people that find succes here. The people that comment on your postā¦
Those are people who connect who interact who share who stop doing it alone.
Joroeā¦ You are not alone in this we are al the bloody same we are ill. So if thats the case stop calling me fking weak.
You know whatās weak Monday till sinday thats week. You can use every freaking day to learn and invest in recovery.
The suggestions above are awesome, stop hitting youself and start doing something to get clean. To liv clean. To find a new way.
Good luck to you i am rooting youāll get up dust off and connect with us rather then rejecting yourself.
2 Likes
Joker. I wish you were here so when I started feeling sorry for myself, you would kick me in the balls to snap me out of it. Thank you for your honesty. I will use your words of advice moving forward. And thanks to the others here replying, it is much appreciated.
1 Like
Keep coming back! Iāve reset my timer so many times I canāt even count. Iām on day 4 right now after many relapses. Iām trying to evaluate what I need to do differently this time. I never did AA before. Iāve joined a few online meetings the past few daysā¦itās been a bit helpful even though it seems like a lot of work because it is. This is all so much work. If we want it we will have to do whatever we can to get it. One of my friends told me that when I get a craving to just sit for 30 minutes or so. Acknowledge the cravings. Donāt give in and let it pass. Every time I fall back itās because I didnāt give myself time to feel the frustration of what I wanted to do so badlyā¦reach for that drink. Donāt give up. Forgive yourself. Only look forward. I had the worst craving today at work. I work at a grocery store so Iām forever around people buying wine and beer. One of my coworkers today was clocking out and happily said ābeer timeā. A part of me wanted to slap her across the headā¦the other part of me knows that itās really not fun. A hangover is not fun. Guilt is not fun. One thing Iāve learned here as that everyone has their own approach and own advice. Some people on here are newly trying to get soberā¦some for years. Perspectives will be different of course but everyone here wants for you to get better 
We all want the same thing. Good for you for being honest. Try to relax. Listen to a meditationā¦drink something other than alcohol. You deserve to be happy. For yourself. Big hugs! Wishing you the best! You can do it if you want to
2 Likes
I get that urge too as I hear clients talk about drinking. Or with someone difficult. I really appreciate the play the tape forward practice. I know that movie, Iāve seen it so many times. The movie I donāt know is the sober one. Another thing to try is deciding what you want to do behavior wise with all the extra time you will have when you are not drinking, recovering, thinking about drinking etc. That is the hardest part for many.
2 Likes
It really is like a movie when you know the ending is always a bad one drinking. Itās so true with thinking about your free time because so much revolves around alcohol. I took a very long walk the other day and realized how I needed to force myself to get out more instead ofā¦work go homeā¦drink repeat.
1 Like
Thankyou for taking th time to respond. Much appreciated.
1 Like
Itās 3AM I canāt sleep bc I drank. Iāve reset my sober timer so many times this past month too. I havenāt gone to a meeting bc of virus, so this is my first step to getting back on track. I remember what is was like when I was clean for a whole year, I know itās easy just need motivation to get started again. Thanks for sharing!