I honestly have no fucking idea. I was taking a shower and thinking about drinking again and it felt like I’d go back to former levels like if I’d go back to alcohol. I am glad I can write this nonsense here as people wouldn’t understand and even writing this is ridiculous. Ahhhhhh.
And the worst is that I feel alien as I should sleep better. Isn’t that the equation?
Id say, if it endangers your sobriety, take a step or two backwards. Do you have peer support networks?
Nooo, not my alcohol sobriety. 
Currently there is no scenario (and there have been some during the last years) I can imagine getting me back to the bottle.
Phew i already thought that you ment THE drinking…
So, I had a ‘drink’. I was so damn tried, couldn’t concentrate anymore. Now I googled a bit about sleep aids and am too scared about this too. I found that valerian as capsules might help so I’ll try this now. I cannot believe this shit. As I wrote a lot during the last weeks, in general I feel a lot better and less tired but I have the impression that I am soon running out of energy if I continue sleeping max 6h per night. Thank.you for reading my stuff 
I’ve been slowly reducing my caffeine intake again for the last several weeks and am now at a mere 800mg a day. 
I no longer drink any type of caffeine drinks and instead stick to tablets in the morning, so that I have less of a ‘routine’ around them. Because I’m on a slow reduction of a few prescribed medications (standard meds, not anything people tend to abuse), I’m taking it a little slower than I might normally.
@anon74766472 I have used Unisom for about 10 years, except for 3 months last year and a few other blips here and there. They’re nothing like prescription sleep meds, but definitely not something a person would want to have a habit with. I’ve also heard Valerian can help, though I’ve never used it myself. I’ve used Melatonin capsules in the past, which worked alright for the time. Hang in there.
For me a mix of valerian and melatonin seems to work. Taken about one hour before bedtime and then rather read a real book than watch smartphone or so. Then if you tend to wake up during the night you can take another valerian capsule immediately to fall back asleep.
Report on the night. Took the melatonin and valerian combination. Woke up around three and fell asleep again until 6am! Now the question is: single event as I was so tired from the night before or the coffee (which was at 10:30am or or or. Anyway, when I lay in bed at three I felt calm and tired and not like fuck, I am awake and feel awake. Whatever it was I take it and keep on going. Still reset my timernas you all know what little slips here and there mean.
I have to add that since my exhaustion period last year in April or so when I went to my pay I had then she recommended me trying st John’s wort as I never wanted to take antidepressants which noone suggested me neither. So I tried it and have taken it since. It doesn’t cost a fortune and maybe I am more balanced. Or was it the yoga. Who knows. Too many parameters in us humans. What I wanted to say is that I googled combination of st John’s wort and valerian and it seems that it’s good herbal combination for anxiety and mild depression.
Personally, I say give it a try. Maybe the combination of the St. John’s and Valerian will be good for you. You’ve done your research and gotten good info and have taken both of them separately with decent results.
Yeah 
that would be awesome. I mean you made it so long through your retreat, didn’t you?
I slept good, 2nd night in a row. Cannot even remember if I was up during the night or not. Even that I napped in the late afternoon. I think it’s really helping. 
Now my next goal is to just stay in bed as long as I want and not being rushed and stressed being in the office by this or that time because we can basically come and go.as we want to. 
How is the tapering off going?
I was just thinking that I really have to tackle a bad habit in synchronization with my cycle. Starting in the week before is really not a good idea. It is setting up for failing and then hating my non existing willpower.
Tapering is going alright. I just reduced to 600mg from 800mg today, and will be reducing the OTC sleep meds by 1/8 since I won’t need as much help getting to sleep with the caffeine reduction, but also I don’t want to shoot myself in the foot by reducing sleep help too quickly since that could leave me more tired and susceptible to taking in more caffeine.
I can already feel the caffeine reduction blues, headache, irritability, and body aches, but it’s Friday so I have all weekend to suffer through it. I have some low impact cardio and stretching planned for later today along with some video game time this evening when I know I’m going to be really cranky.
I think you’re definitely on to something with not starting a week before your cycle! Hormones are such a powerful thing and in general I think they’re always going to win between the battle of wills
Proof of principle. I was asked yesterday to spend some time in France. Now my thoughts are spiralling, I am super stressed, so I barely slept. I even was so desperate that I logged into an online meeting. Which made me wonder and think even more how this could help getting sober. I want some caffeine and I might have some later.
Hope you are all doing well.
Did you end up having some? How was the meeting? Being sleep deprived is so bad because it lowers your tolerance for just about everything in life and makes it hard to function.
I havent slept well myself. I may step back on the otc sleep meds, snd focus on caffeine then reduce the sleep aids after.
Yes, I had some coffee. Not proud of it but it is what it is. I am super stressed because of the situation which is not really clear atm. Can be that in 4 weeks I am in France for some months. And I feel resentments and anger rising up against people’s reactions and expectations (who witnessed my declined mental health and stress with every fucking move) of wow, it at the Mediterranean. Yeah, maybe but it involves moving after not even 6 months in my new home. I can still decline but I don’t feel completely free in my decision.
Caffeine won’t help. I feel that during this frist month of constantly not sleeping enough I drained the energy. And with this mental stress I feel right now, I’d need a hammer to calm down. Valerian is silently laughing at me.
Concerning the meeting: I don’t find access mentally to it. I try it again and again. It feels too abstract for me. I appreciate this place for many people talking about their life and how they learn to deal with it. Repeating that you have to put work in the program, that this or this step help or so. It is not enough for me. It’s like a general policy, a major guideline that applies basically to everyone and which needs interpretation. I am interpreting my life by living it by reflecting on it. It sounds maybe stupid but tbh this is the major point it never clicked between AA and me. But I don’t want to derail this thread.
How are ypu doing today? It sure sounds like a lot of stress. Being tired makes everything more difficult, I think.
I am back to drinking around three cups per day but not after 2 pm or so as I don’t have coffee at home. I sleep a lot better tbh, have my 7 to 8 hours instead of permanently 5 to 6.
I struggle a lot with my mental health at the moment due to a situation at work which is driving me mad. I might have written about it here and there. This evening there was a movie evening scheduled in my house which has been cancelled. I am grateful that I don’t have to talk me through why I don’t feel like socialising (once again) as my mood is poisened and it’s hard to be around myself.
Ive always heard it said that if you want to get off coffee you have to gradually wean yourself off of it. If you just stop cold turkey you’ll have gnarly headaches from the withdrawal.
How are you doing now? I know things have been tough. Have you been able to keep your caffeine intake at a stable level instead of spiking beyond 3 cups with all the stress you’ve been under?
@WilliamBloke It depends on how much you drink and how long you’ve been using caffeine. Sometimes I have gotten headaches, but I get a heavy dose of insomnia, body pains, and depression most often. I’ve quit both ways, but by far the less painful way to get off caffeine is to reduce slowly, but it’s a drug and some people need to go all or nothing because it can be hard to moderate down.