The glass of Bluekoolaid is half full

Life in Recovery
1

My name is Trevor and I’m an alcoholic and a drug addict. I’m creating this thread to journal about my recovery, my past, and anything I might feel like posting or talking about. Some of the things I talk about on this thread might be pretty heavy but the overall theme of this thread is positivity and gratefulness. I welcome anybody to post or join into conversation if they would like. Even if it’s not related or a different subject. If anybody reaches out I will try my best to respond and participate. I’m doing this for many reasons mostly for having a time capsule of sorts And also my experience strength and hope might help somebody.

A little bit of my story…

As of today 4/8/25 I have 407 days sober from all mind altering substances and alcohol. It’s taken a lot of hard work to get to this point. And a ridiculous amount of failed attempts over the years. But looking back my past attempts at sobriety Was me trying to find a way to manipulate my drug and alcohol use and find a way to successfully pull it off without burning my life to the ground. But every single time I relapsed the same results happened or even worse. I would tell my family and friends what they wanted to hear. I would have one foot in AA And the other foot headed towards relapse. I would save some money up and then I would use any number of excuses to relapse and disappear Off the face of the Earth.

My first time going to medical detox and realizing my drinking and drug use was a problem was in 2014. In the last 11 years I have absolutely lost track of medical detox trips, hospitalizations, rehabs, sober livings, and I have no clue how many times I’ve been in the back of an ambulance. Cunning baffling and powerful! My disease is so powerful that it tells me that maybe it wasn’t that bad. Realistically I have no clue how I’m still alive right now. But I believe my higher power has a plan for me. Most likely to help people and to make something of my life.

In the last 407 days I’ve learned how to live without drugs and alcohol and be content and feel peace. I’m not saying every day is perfect and I don’t have problems but I haven’t had one bad day in 407 days. I’ve had a bad few hours or bad moments but I have the tools to restart my day at any time. I have a sponsor and I continue to follow his suggestions. I have completed the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and now I’m practicing them in all my affairs. I go to at least four meetings a week. I have a home group. I call at least three people a day in my net work. I regularly go out to eat with people from AA. Alcoholics Anonymous has helped me deal with my past, come to terms with who I really am, and learn how to exist in this world sober. And most importantly to not be alone and have good sober people in my life.

Outside of AA Some things that help me stay sober is riding my bike around the city, going to the skate park, the gym, recording and playing music, journaling and writing, spending time with family and friends outside of AA… Basically healthy positive activity. If I don’t have to be inside I’m definitely outside.

I currently work as a dishwasher at a American Italian restaurant. My manager is five years sober and the owner and the rest of the management are very supportive of my recovery and I’m able to be very open and honest on a daily basis. Sometimes I think about leaving to get a different job but then I’m reminded to think about why I took this job in the first place. It’s a 10 minute walk from my apartment, supportive environment, good pay, all morning shifts and set schedule, and opportunity to advance.

I’m so incredibly grateful for my current life and I’m looking towards the future. I’m not where I am because of doing this by myself. It’s thanks to my sponsor, my recovery net work, AA, my family, and the Talking sober community. I’m where I’m at because I surrendered And I was willing to do something different.

Like I said in the beginning I’m looking forward to having this thread so that I can post just about anything I feel like as long as I feel it’s not disrespectful or could effect Somebody’s sobriety. I’m going to be honest and not hold back. There will be stories from the past, reflections, Simple writings about my day, or even things that are random.

Life is good And it’s only going continue to get better if I continue to keep my recovery first and before everything else.

Thank you for reading.

-Trevor :sunglasses::sunny:

39 Likes
2

This is a really courageous and helpful action Trevor - to dig into your own experience and offer it for others to benefit from your ESH. Thank you!

You’ve made a lot of progress in your sober life, materially and mentally. It’s the proof in the pudding: the promises of sobriety do come true.

10 Likes
3

Thanks Matt. I have a lot of respect for you and I can really see how much dedication and effort you put towards your recovery and that’s been consistently happening for a long time. You’re always helping people and contributing to this community and I really appreciate that. The choice of drug or addiction doesn’t really matter because at the end of the day it’s all the same negative consequences for the most part. Financially emotionally spiritually bankrupt and lonely. This is definitely a better way to live. We have to work together. We have to learn from each other and our experiences. Because doing things on our own is the old way. Thanks for the positive words and reaching out.

8 Likes
4

I love your post and great to know you feel you can open up and be honest here. Always a pleasure to join you on this journey. You have helped me and I know your story will help others. Thank you for being you.

image
image517×439 23.1 KB

9 Likes
5

Hi Trevor, I really liked your post, a lot of good AA references.

AA has kept me sober for almost 21 years (SD 16/04/2004) and it still is a pivotal focus in my life.

I’ve done the steps numerous times and I’ve lost track of the number of step 3 & 4 I’ve done.

My first Sponsor, who was a American from Seattle, told me “it wasn’t a one time deal”, you need to keep close to the program and reinforce the message as often as you need to do it.

Working my program this way has kept me sober this long and may just have added a year or two to my life expectancy, perhaps.

407 days is good going :clap: keep working the program to the best of your ability.
:innocent:&:smiling_imp:

9 Likes
6

Great post, Trevor! Staying in the middle of the herd is key to long term sobriety and we’re doing that daily. I’m so proud of you and happy to be walking this path with you.

8 Likes
7

good stuff Trev doing great buddy , and the suns out here in Scotland early summer for us lol . i still attend meetings have done since 1986 wish you well

8 Likes
8

I’m glad to see you started a thread! I’ll be following along!

6 Likes
9

Thank you for sharing. I always appreciate how you show up and take in what is offered and give back what you can.

I am glad your workplace is so supportive. That is a real blessing. Sounds like a good situation.

:slightly_smiling_face:

7 Likes
10

This is a great idea! Look forward to following your posts. Congratulations on 407 days. :pray:t2::ok_hand:t2:

4 Likes
11

@tailee17 I definitely feel safe being honest in this community. I’m glad to hear I’ve been of some help and likewise you have helped me as well more than you realize. Very grateful to share a sobriety date with you!

@Lezourez Your sobriety time is amazing and really gives me hope if I keep putting my recovery first things will only get better in my life. And I agree with your friend from Seattle we never graduate AA we are never finished and we have to work at this on a daily basis and pretend we are newcomers even if we aren’t.

@Lisa07 Definitely staying in the middle my life and happiness depend on it. I’m proud of you as well. You were around during my darkest times and always gave me hope even when I was in a really bad spot and didn’t see a way out. I definitely relate to your story very much.

@Ray_M_C_Laren I am learning from the people who practice the program themselves and have had success. I’m very grateful for your dedication to AA and always reminding me to keep my sobriety and AA program first. Is it normally gloomy in Scotland? I’ve never been maybe one day I’ll come out there and we can go to a meeting. They call Florida the sunshine state but really it’s the rainy state. I lived in Tucson Arizona briefly and that should actually be called the sunshine state. No clouds no rain ever.

@Nordique I’m excited for the thread and will be posting often. Not stressing on whether I should or shouldn’t post but just doing it. For me and for others in the community.

@SassyRocks I have to continue to show up for all the people that have showed up for me or helped me in the past. It’s interesting to think that creating this thread and posting is actually practicing a couple different steps. Sometimes working out my character defects, sometimes it’s 12, Sometimes it’s reminding myself that I’m powerless, so this is very helpful. And I’m definitely grateful for my workplace environment it’s truly a miracle. When I first got out of jail and I was applying to jobs it was really hard to get a job with a felony record and having to tell them I’m on probation and living at a sober living house. When the owner emailed me about the current job I’m at and I went in for the interview The manager said I didn’t have to explain anything and that he was five years sober. It was definitely a moment from my higher power looking after me. Very grateful. It’s hard to believe I’m coming up on almost a year at this job. This is the longest I’ve held a job in at least 10 years or longer. Go figure lol

@Blondie1x 407 days one day at a time! The only way is forward. I refuse to become another statistic.

Thank you to everyone who reached out with positivity and anyone who read. Very grateful for everybody in this community. I don’t have the words to explain how amazing this place is. Thank you for letting me be myself and be honest. :sunglasses::sun_with_face:

11 Likes
12

Love reading your posts. Very inspirational. You remind me of those precious speakers at meetings. The unexpected person who is able to deliver the most powerful messages. :heart:

3 Likes
13

Thank you so much. Speaking at a meeting Will be something new that I’ll be doing really soon. I’m waiting for a spot to open up at a detox center that I’ve gone to more times than I can remember. It’s going to be really cool because I know the staff and nurses very well and I hope that some people can feel comfortable because I’ve been in their spot. I think this will be a good place for my first time telling my story. I told a lot of people that I was nervous but my mom probably had the best response she said you weren’t nervous about doing all these drugs and drinking and she listed all these crazy things I’ve done and she said but you’re nervous to talk in front of people? I really can’t argue that. I like that my sponsor is pushing me to talk or speak at meetings now he has me raising my hand at meetings if anybody is looking for a sponsor. I just completed the steps about 2 months ago or so and now I am practicing them on a daily basis especially going over my character defects at night time if I feel any of them have Happened during the day. And learning about carrying the message with 12. Even besides a speaker meeting it’s cool because I live at a sober living house and there’s always new people coming here so if they’re willing I’m able to talk to them and tell them where I’ve been and where I’m at now. I’ve heard a lot of people in the past say that step 12 is really what keeps them sober. That makes sense.

11 Likes
14

Speaking at AA meetings can be incredibly anxious for some (like me) and no big deal for others. I still get nervous years later. For me the nerves are associated with wanting to deliver a strong message but not feeling capable. Maybe a little “Imposter Syndrome”. You sound like you’re doing great and really on the right path. You’ve come VERY far. Re: what your Mom said… drinking hard and doing bad things is easy. Speaking up honestly and with humility about your past and defects takes a huge amount of courage.

8 Likes
15

Surprised with our weather at the moment getting gardening work done. was in Florida couple years ago Tampa weather was great . my wife and i travel the world Sheila getting our cruises booked for end of year , lifes good your doing great buddy and if you come to Scotland i will go to a meeting with you just to translate lol

7 Likes
16

409
4/10/25

Been thinking about this quote a lot since I first read it a couple weeks ago…

“I can think of nothing less pleasurable than a life
devoted to pleasure.”
John D. Rockefeller

I stumbled across this quote by accident recently and it really can be applied to my life and makes me think. I was always searching for pleasure 24/7 and always wanted to feel fantastic and great and wanted the Easy way out. Living my old life of laziness and comfort didn’t Produce any results at all. It actually created more problems. So today I will be OK with responsibility and doing the hard things I don’t necessarily want to do. I guess so that when I do have pleasure through healthy things it actually has meaning or I feel like I deserve it from putting the hard work in. Does this quote have any meaning for you? Is there some thing that you always go back to as far as a quote?

Thank you for reading

9 Likes
17

First time I’ve seen that quote. I can definitely relate. I spent years chasing various highs and rushes and thought I was living it up as the wild party girl since I was 14 ( 29 years in total) . But eventually it all became very lack lustre and eventually down right miserable. Probably like most people here , it was all a lot of fun until one day it wasn’t anymore. Then it was fucking miserable.

7 Likes
18

Exactly I thought I was living. It’s interesting for me and I’m sure so many people can relate even though I became tired of trying to chase that high or trade one drug for another or one addiction for another I still Continued to make the same negative Choices till I realized there was going to be no miracle or easy way out I literally had to make major changes and be OK with being uncomfortable for a while. Thank you for your input tonight and Reaching out that means a lot. I almost want to look up more quotes now. I also like Mark Twain he has a lot of awesome quotes.

6 Likes
19

I can very much relate to what u and @CanadianGirl Tisha said. I was very much the same way. For decades i used drugs to feel a certain way. I was always searching for wholeness bcuz i felt like something was missing inside. I was just trying to feel okay in my own skin. What was supposed to bring me pleasure, brought me tragedy and pain and desperation instead. I was using other drugs to alter the effects of the drugs i was doing. Chasing a feeling i guess. It was only until got clean and started living life the way i think its meant to be lived, that i found true pleasure. Pleasure even in the smallest things, like the sound of birds, the bright colors of flowers, the smell of a bonfire etc. Gratitude is in full force now.

On a side note @bluekoolaid_88 i really like ur idea for this thread. I cant express how amazed i am to see how far uv come. Uv really transformed urself since ive known u on TS. I couldnt be prouder for u friend :slight_smile:

5 Likes
20

Exactly finding true pleasure in Sobriety. I definitely know what you mean about appreciating the simple things now and I don’t need to be on cloud nine to feel pleasure or happiness. I agree for years I was just trying to fill a hole inside of me or some thing. My insane behavior and lifestyle became normal and may be sometimes I wonder the fear of getting sober was a combination of having to really come to terms with who I am but also having to deal with the abnormal feeling of normalcy. But I have learned in the last 13 or 14 months that living sober takes practice like learning anything else new and I have to continue to work at it.

Thank you for reaching out tonight and participating you are helping me stay sober. And thank you for the kind words. Like I said if I feel like posting some thing or even if I don’t I’m not really going to think twice or worry as long as the overall theme is gratitude or it wraps around at the end to a positive conclusion. I don’t even care if People come to this thread to post because they don’t know where else to post. This Thread can be lots of things Or topics but the main thing is I want to make sure to date every entry along with my sobriety number when I post. This is going to be really cool to look back in the future.

4 Likes