You will be missed. Take care. 
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Thank you so much. Are you feeling any better? You were struggling with the flu right?
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Yep. I was in bad shape this time last week, but bounced back by the weekend and got through everything i had scheduled/planned. Full steam ahead now
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Oh Trevor, u sure will be missed. But i do understand the need for a break from the internet. To be quite honest, i could probably use one too lol But i applaud u for being self aware enough to know what u need and what is best for u and recovery right now. I look forward to ur return in 90 or so days (if u choose to return). Good luck with all ur endeavors friend 
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Glad to hear that. I definitely understand getting sick or having the flu can really throw you off your routine and I feel like for me that was the worst part when I recently got over my respiratory infection. It’s funny because in the past I would’ve loved any excuse to lay around or not do anything even if it meant being sick but those days are long gone. I much rather go to work and to my meetings and everything else I’m doing and be able to go to the skate park then be laying in a dark room depressed. Playing hooky used to be fun lol it’s not anymore. Anyway glad you’re better.
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Yeah I’ll definitely be back in probably about three months. I’m definitely going to make this a part of my routine every year to take a step away from the smart phone and Internet for a few months. It’s not even about Talking Sober as much as it is about all the other aspects of having a smart phone and Internet. It’s easier said than done sometimes to be like I’m just going to watch a couple clips on YouTube and next thing you know three hours has passed. During my little hiatus a little bit ago I was so productive and honestly had so much less anxiety. But this is just my experience that the Internet and smart phone can easily overwhelm me. I definitely have to pay attention to what’s really going on internally
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Be wise my friend. Use your sober tools and dont hesitate to reach out
Much love
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Take care of yourself and your kitty cat! Wishing you the very best with everything! Thanks for saying something instead of just disappearing and thanks for leaving your content and not deleting it. See you in a couple months.! Best wishes.
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Thank you guys very much. Beyond grateful for this community. Have Learned so much And hope to continue to give back in the future!!
Definitely going to do some more reading around on here the next couple hours and might make another post on this thread. Just had an interesting conversation with this homeless guy who is struggling with alcohol. Unfortunately he’s unable to connect the dots in the fact that the alcohol is causing his problems in life. I tried to talk to him about how I understand how being homeless becomes normal but that he can live a life without alcohol and be content plus Be able to adjust to regular life. I gave him my number and told him to call me if he wants help getting into medical detox or just needs someone to listen. Moments like that or conversations like that that make me so grateful to come back to my apartment and relax in the air conditioning. Sometimes it’s the little things. So glad I’m not out there walking the streets and sleeping on concrete. Miserable and exhausted. So grateful
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Trevor, you’ll be missed! Thanks for so much insight. Look forward to your return. Stay safe and well!
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8/29/25
Life update/ journal entry
I’ve been struggling to find a balance with the Internet and couldn’t go as long as I wanted. I went about two or three weeks with absolutely no Internet usage and then started periodically switching my Sim card back to my iPhone. I guess I can’t beat myself up and just have to somehow find a balance. I’m not sure exactly what makes the smart phone and Internet feel so toxic for me.. Even if I try to be careful about the content I’m watching or how I’m using the internet it can still feel negative or I feel like my time could be better spent working at my goals or doing a hobby. But then also there is the side of the situation where maybe it’s a good thing that I care and think about these things. I really have changed and I don’t just want to be wasting time because It feels like I have 20 years to make up for. In active addiction the majority of my time was spent Watching movies or endlessly scrolling and sometimes comparing my life to other peoples lives. Even though the reality is that social media and Internet lives Are most of the time not reality or what’s really going on with the people I’m seeing or what I’m watching.
As far as my life right now overall I’m extremely grateful and I’m actually living. I take care of my responsibilities So that I have the freedom to ride my bike and go to the skate park and things like that. The bond between me and nova is growing (the cat I pretty much adopted or stray cat I started taking care of) I never thought I would be a cat person and you guys might think it was a joke but I was seriously terrified of cats. But that’s not the case anymore. Sometimes the best part of my day is coming home and feeding her or petting her and just talking to her. I still let her go outside as much as she wants because I know she likes to explore and be outside. It’s such an interesting relationship because I really can understand and I can’t Expect her to 100% adapt to being inside. It’s really the same for when I had to learn about having permanent shelter and it was weird. I’ve taken her to the vet to get shots and she has lots of toys and a very comfortable bed on my desk. And there’s probably a very good chance I’m going to take her when I go to my parents house but hopefully she can adapt to being outside there as well and sometimes inside.
I started a new job at this hardware store that has been family owned for 100 years . It really is a special place… it’s actually not a new job because I worked there 10 years ago. The owner heard through the grapevine that I was looking for a different job outside of the restaurant industry. I used him as a reference and then he called me to see if I would want to come back to work at the hardware store. At first when he called he just wanted to see how I was doing and then 10 minutes into the conversation I realized he was about to hire me. It’s a much better environment for my recovery and mental health. And it’s also 10 hours every single week overtime. And every single person working in there is either in Recovery or just never had a problem. My duties include helping customers, operating the forklift, stocking merchandise, cutting keys, and basic labor work. I think it was some kind of sign because I was starting to get frustrated with the job search and honestly not in 1 million years did I think I would be able to go back to that job. The last couple months of The restaurant I was only working 25 hours a week But that’s because I wanted time or more time for my recovery and hobbies.. fortunately I had a lot of money saved up and still do. Moving forward with my life if I ever feel like I’m overwhelmed or need to for mental health reasons I will cut my hours. My mental health and recovery comes before everything. It was really cool being able to go to extra meetings, getting into new hobbies like gardening and really just living my life. Also being able to spend a lot of time with nova. I did a ridiculous amount of writing as well!! So much!!! But in all reality it’s good to be back full-time. And working 25 hours is not feasible long-term.
My 18 month mark of Probation is in one or 2 months and I’ll be going to court to try to get early termination. I’m eligible but it’s not mandatory. But I’m pretty confident I’m going to get off probation. But also I have to be ready for the possibility that I won’t be. The only reason I want to be off Probation is so that I can move in with my parents. Understandably my mom does not want me living there right now because she doesn’t want Probation officers randomly showing up to the house at all hours to check on me because it looks bad for the neighborhood. I can’t be mad at her for that Because I understand. I seriously can’t believe it’s almost been 18 months since I got out of jail. Seems like yesterday I was being released after two months with absolutely nothing to my name and nowhere to go. I had no belongings, I had no money and honestly I had no recovery. I literally remember thinking when I got out of jail that I needed to find a country with no extradition services to the United States!! I’ve been pretty honest before but when I got out of jail I wasn’t gung ho about Recovery and I honestly thought I was going to fail and screw up but Something told me to just give up on my old life and give doing the right thing a try for once. Now in retrospect breaking into that bar and stealing that liquor was one of the best decisions I made. I’m glad I didn’t cover my face. I’m glad I got caught .. Even if it took them a couple months to find me .. I’m glad they did.
This is not a joke but I truly believe if I wouldn’t of got arrested I probably would be dead. Just in a span of 90 days before I got arrested I busted my head open on the sidewalk and had stitches in my head. I had a Fentanyl overdose. I had a seizure and another time ended up in a psych place !! I kept trying to pretty much give up but I was ending up in a facility every two weeks. I literally had given up. I wasn’t even trying to find shelter or Recovery. Every single day my goal was to find opiates and a bottle of liquor. My goal was to find these things and then lay in the park and forget about everything. I’d be lying if I said that sometimes I don’t miss being homeless because I do. But I think that’s the devil trying to get me to glorify that life when in all reality it was ridiculously crazy. But maybe that’s what it is because I’m used to chaos. But I’ve been learning how to deal with normalcy.
There’s really not much else to update on except I’m just doing what I have to for my life and I’m really excited for the next day. I really don’t like going to bed because there is so much possibilities and so many things to do. It’s crazy because I used to love sleeping. I used to love sleeping because I hated my life. Now I prefer to be awake because I love my life.
The only way is forward and there’s absolutely nothing that can happen that would make me think that getting some pills or a bottle of liquor would solve any problem. Accepting that I’m an alcoholic and addict means that I can’t successfully drink or do drugs. And I’m going to stay on this path because my life depends on it.
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Always great to see you, Trevor. A beautiful sober day it has been and I’m with ya on our recovery priority!
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Thanks Smitty!! It really was a great day. Every day is great. Hope all is well with you! I can’t believe summer is coming to a end soon.. Already starting to see Halloween stuff in certain stores. I don’t know about you but I prefer 90° weather. My Pennsylvania days are long gone….I guess the only downside is hurricane season.. Knock on wood but we’ve been good so far. Last year I lost power for like four or five days. It seems like every year I’m more and more prepared for bad weather. No more blizzards or shoveling driveways But the side of my house might just fly away or the living room turns into a swimming pool lol..
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Thanks for sharing all that! Your recovery is very inspiring. Let’s keep trudging the road.
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Thank you so much. I definitely haven’t done it alone. I’ve had a lot of help. Alone we can’t but together we can
like @Mno says The opposite of addiction and the loneliness is connection
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I’m doing well here & looking forward to fall & winter! My favorite seasons. I remember a person saying who was totally done with living where it snowed a lot. “You don’t ever have to shovel rain”… well, I grew up in the NW and living on the coast for a few years got me to appreciate less rain & more dry time with snow. Coastal Washington was 35-45 degree days, pounding rain, sometimes horizontal freezing rain and 40 knot winds. That was 1/2 to 2/3 the damn winter! Shit bums a fella out. Here at least I can put the plow on the quad & clear the snow quick.
Enjoy your new/old job brother and wishing you & 
a happy, safe Labor day weekend!
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Good to see you here checking in and doing well Trevor .Congrats on the new job. Sounds like it’s a good fit for you and full-time hours Is definitely a good thing. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you on the early probation termination. I find it very inspiring to see you come so far from Where you were. It definitely shows it works if you put the work in, even if it’s hard some days.
I so appreciate your shares and love the hope in your story. Rooting you on from midwest usa @bluekoolaid_88
I love your self reflection and willingness to grow. Its inspiring. Keep at it.